To un-invite friend from dinner after she sent me message by mistake - Update

[Dinnertext]

Hi all, my previous thread closed before I had the chance to add any further post today. For those interested, my friend replied to my message where I said I was upset she hadn’t apologised.

She ignored that part, and basically demanded I re-invite her on Saturday because it’s too late for her to make any alternative plans and it’s unfair to expect her to spend the evening alone. She reiterated the takeaway ‘offer’ and said as far as she is concerned , my Husband has said she’s still more than welcome to attend.

DH has just repeated the same position in that he’s staying out of it and that he wouldn’t turn anyone away at the door. He has basically told me this evening to be the bigger person and draw a line under it and not risk ruining his and his friends evening.

Your DH needs to have a long hard look at himself and you need to sit him down and explain calmly how his lack of support has made you feel and put your foot down around having them back anytime soon.

You have behaved amazingly.

You sound a lovely person.

Is your husband abusive in other ways, OP?

Undoubtedly.
Good men don't humiliate and mock their wives.

O OP I’m sorry that’s SO rude of your DH (AH more like - asshole husband!) he should have stuck by you with this but he’s chosen to be as ignorant as your so called friend!

Your OH is incredibly dismissive of you. He basically wants you to suck it up and stop complaining. He couldn't care less that you're (justifiably) upset. As long as you pretend everything is ok and your ex-friends' comment doesn't impact him, he thinks everything is solved.

Honestly I now think your DH is as bad as she is.

so sorry you are having to put up with all that shit and getting no support at home.

Dear God, your husband is a prick.

What she said.

DH is meeting his eldest on Wednesday to watch it so will be out. It’s the final he has offered to host should England make it.

Your dh is a bullying pig

OP

You have both a husband and a friend issue. The latter more easily dealt with, in all honesty.

I think the initial transgression by your friend could have been quite easily managed with a simple apology from her- even if the subtext of it all might have made me a little more wary of her going forward. However, the fact she couldn’t bring herself to say sorry and instead chose to try to minimise your feelings is a sign to distance yourself. Add in her subsequent behaviour, and that would put an end to any prospect of ongoing friendship for me. I mean, who goes to a friends house in full knowledge that they don’t want you there- to the extent that they leave the house to avoid you (regardless of whether their partner says you can come)? I’d be far too uncomfortable to do that, if I were in her shoes. To then join in with mocking you, in your home, is inexcusable. To have the brass neck, having done all of this, to suggest they’ll come over again later in the week is absolutely mind-boggling to me. I simply could not get past that and the friendship would be over.

As for your DH, he is being an utter arsehole. I’d be incredibly hurt and insulted by his behaviour. He might not think the initial falling out was a big enough deal to fall out over, but he ought to respect your feelings on the matter. His mocking behaviour when you arrived home was utterly obnoxious, it’s just so disrespectful. To then continue to ignore your wishes with regards to your ex-friend for his own convenience- and invite them again when he knows you don’t want that- is a sign that he cares very little for your comfort or well-being. He clearly has no respect for you, because he feels free to mock you- what’s more he is happy to allow his friends to do so too- and he doesn’t even feel he should give you any meaningful apology. Which tells me he doesn’t really regret any of it.

in all honesty, I think this could spell the end of my relationship as I don’t think I could get over it. For me to even attempt to repair it, I’d at the very least need a sincere apology and a very clear recognition of why there was a problem in our relationship.

i think you need to have a serious talk with my husband, if I were you.

Surely it their time to host?
she has plenty of warning.
the only issue is if your nasty husband can get out from under the weight of his own self importance to actually treat his wife with any respect

So that's next weekend , that's enough time for her to tidy cowface towers.

Yes you should step back from the friendship. She sounds a bad friend.

Unfortunately you can’t do the same for your husband. You should seriously consider what so many have pointed out — that he’s consistently disregarded your comfort and boundaries in your own home, belittled your legitimate feelings, and ganged on you with his friend (and yours!!)

Obviously we only have the facts as you’ve posted them but it doesn’t seem to be a one off as his behaviour has been consistent throughout. Your lack of even acknowledgement that he’s done anything to contribute to this situation seems even more telling as it makes it seem like you just take this as a given in the relationship generally. You’ve made excuses such as “he can’t see past the football” and “he was pissed” which are both poor reasons. Obviously I don’t know based just off one thread but please do look at your relationship and see if this is a pattern. This is not the normal behaviour of a loving or supportive husband.

Abusive????

Really, this place if full of nutters. MumsNutters.

Her husband is acting like an adult.

Bullying???

No he isn't. He is very sensible.

He's not bullying, he's laying down the law and OP is accepting it. She has to take responsibility for her own actions in this relationship.

so mocking your wife, along with your friend, and her friend- by chanting when she returns home- is acting like an adult? I don’t think it is, I think it is obnoxious and disrespectful.

He can disagree with his wife’s stance with regard the fall out- he’s obviously entitled to his opinion- but it’s not really on to continually invite her friend over to their house against her wishes. It is not the actions of someone who obviously cares about their partner, in my opinion.

😂 are you the husband?!

No, he is not. A mature and sensible adult in a loving relationship will support their partner. I don’t think it’s difficult to see OPs POV, but even if he can’t he can respect her feelings and wishes about whom she wants in her own home. There’s absolutely no way my husband would be hosting people I didn’t want in my home, or vice versa under any circumstances.

Of course he's obnoxious. But OP doesn't care about that.

quoted wrong person sorry

@MustTryHarderAndHarder if you are here on a wind-up, please please don't. OP and other women who are being abused by behaviour like this, may read this and doubt themselves. Seriously doubt whether their abusive partners behaviours is in fact awful, or just in their heads. You won't be helping thm by validating this terrible behaviour. Its really not funny.

OP - the awful friend is the least of your issues. Your DH you need to leave and never look back. He has zero respect for you, and doesn't love or care for you. My heart breaks for you.

Never speak to your 'friend' again.

Are we on the same thread ?🤔