AIBU to think my partner could have been a bit more understanding on holiday?

[georgiexox]

We've just got back from a city break and I've been upset since we got back.

I've put on quite a lot of weight over the last few years. I know I have, and I'm trying to lose it, but it's not easy. My partner is naturally slim and loves walking.

We booked a holiday staying in the centre with the intention that most stuff was within walking distance. I genuinely thought I'd cope, but I completely underestimated it. By the second day my feet and back were aching, I was exhausted and finding the hills really difficult.

I kept going because I didn't want to spoil the holiday, but on the third day I asked if we could get taxis for some of the longer walks. My partner looked disappointed and said we'd chosen this type of holiday so we could explore on foot, and we'd miss loads if we started getting taxis everywhere.

He wasn't nasty about it I guess, but was clearly disappointed/frustrated. I ended up sitting in a café on my own for a while in the afternoon while he carried on sightseeing because I just couldn't manage any more walking.

He told me he thought we'd be doing it all together and was disappointed things hadn't worked out that way. I do totally understand that and I felt guilty because I obviously know my weight was the reason.

At the same time, I couldn't help wishing he'd just said, "Don't worry, let's get a taxi," instead of making me feel like I'd spoiled the trip. He says I knew what sort of holiday we'd booked and never said I was worried beforehand, which is true.

AIBU for thinking he could have been a bit more understanding, or is this entirely on me?

@CodeAmber , back off. OP is more than aware that she has a weight problem. If she was anorexic, your responses would be different.

I was away with my then partner and I'd not eaten for about 21 hours and had completely run out of energy. He was nasty about it.
He showed me who he was. I don't have an eating disorder.

Accountability to whom? Please..they were on holiday ...these desserts can be multiple sizes so its prejudice talking in your post.

Adding stigma to these situation helps noone.

It totally isn't mad. She was on holiday, they are a local speciality.

DH and I ate four gelato in one day in Italy last year. Our BMIs are just fine.

Live a little @CodeAmber : you sound uptight to think that was so serious on a holiday.

I say book a taxi...

I sound uptight?! Ok no skin off my nose, I’m not morbidly obese with a BMI of 48 at 28 years old. For the record, I love pastel de natas, but not at a rate of 4 plus a day….

Well my bmi is great too - and that was four gelato EACH btw.

Guess what: nothing happened. Same bmi next morning.

Me too.

Holidays are for having fun and spending time together and yes, even for indulging in custard tarts, not berating each other for messing up your step count.

Maybe that's what they came in? I don't like the things so wouldn't know how they were sold

She had 2. Your weight or BMI is not relevant.
I wouldn't eat pasteis de nata if I was on the verge of passing out from hunger but if I liked them and was in Portugal I would.

And that’s fine, because you’re not creating a thread on an internet forum about not being able to walk minimum steps on a couples city break?! Seriously, the NHS is on its knees, can we not have honest discussions about morbid obesity without virtue signalling crap?? Do you feel the same about lung cancer/smoking? the whole disingenuous “pear-shaped girly” cutesy talk loses a bit of shine when offset against the rise in type 2 diabetes

None of that makes you immune to any kind of ill health that will mean you need extra support.

Being overweight doesn't mean you have to wait for a lower BMI for compassion and respect ~unless you lack humanity.

That's a tired excuse for fat-shaming.

I had a friend who fat-shamed another friend. She is now navigating breast cancer on the NHS despite her immaculate bmi.

And people put on weight for a multitude of complicated reasons that don't come down to a second pastel de nata.

Sports injuries too they cost the NHS a fortune.. shall we demand people insure themselves.
There are so many contributory illnesses you could levy tax on ...trips and falls...a clumsy tax...you're on to something here

@CodeAmber , as I said, back off. One does not get to be twice one's recommended body weight without there being more to it than eating too much.
OP does not need kicking when she's down.

The walking they did was not 'minimum' it was a mini marathon! If she couldn't walk a street you'd have a point. But they'd been walking every fucking where for over 2 days! That is not normal for most people, even fit people.

I’m no stranger to ill health/disordered eating actually, you have no idea. But there needs to be an element of personal accountability when discussing individual health. The fact I’m being piled on for pointing out (respectfully, I think) that maybe 2 plus 5 pastel de natas are excessive for a day’s treat, on holiday or not, just shows what is going wrong with our nation’s healthcare

You just cant help making stuff up can you. I didn't have '2 plus 5' for a day's treat.

Clearly you just want to rant on about fat people but go and do it somewhere else!

It's because you keep going on and on and on and on and on and on about it and WON'T SHUT UP ABOUT IT. You're obsessed!! She gets it! Ok? Now please leave her alone for fucks sake!

No. It really doesn't. These tarts are often sold in very small sizes ...so it's your interpretation...which is very much displaying personal prejudice ...you wanted to feel better about yourself than someone else
Congratulations you're a smaller person 🏆
What an achievement 🎉🥳🎊

Hear, hear.

I wish OP had never mentioned her weight or step count for a hilly city. Both were entirely unnecessary and derailed the actual thread somewhat. On a different note, never have I ever needed a "Will you stop being a twat" button more than on this thread

I’m not going to comment on the original situation or your weight because it’s been done to death but wanted to offer the perspective of a marathon runner who’s husband was 28stone when we started dating.

I absolutely did fancy him and found him really attractive, and I was never shy with saying it. His weight came up a lot in the early days as he was very self conscious. My stance was always always that I like him how he was but I had two concerns: 1. His health- I want us to have the best chance of a long life together and 2. HIs fitness- I didn’t want him to be embarrassed about joining in with activities with a group and I didn’t want to compromise on an active holiday. I’m not crazy but I like walking lots and being outside on holiday.

We came up with a really gentle approach together. I taught him to cook and it’s something we love to do together- he’s also learnt a lot about portion control/balance by watching my eating habits. Holidays were carefully chosen in the early days so that I got my fill without him struggling. He was never “on a diet”, we were just a couple making healthy choices together- we both love and enjoy food.

He did eventually take up running but I had to tread really carefully here to not get overly involved and squash his confidence. We now happily run together and it’s been such a joy to share a hobby but I never expected it, I let him join me in his own time.

He has lost a significant amount of weight but is still “overweight”. I don’t think it matters. I still find him attractive, he does plenty of exercise, can run a half marathon, makes decent food choices without having ruined his relationship with food. The doctor is happy with his progress. We’ve never ever been “dieting” and have found commonality in our relationship along the way. Holidays now are chosen for our mutual enjoyment of the outdoors with no compromise!

I guess my point is, it can be done! He needs a fuck tonne more tact though and you also need some honesty on both sides. DH had to be open with how he felt about his weight and how he came to struggle with it. I had to not push, let him work it out in his own time and trust that we’d come to the same place in his own time!

the late night really brings out all the crazed virtue-signalling body positive aggressives doesn’t it?! The OP asked for advice, should we all fall into the narrative that her boyfriend is abusive/full of red flags for wanting to walk on a walking holiday?? What has he actually done wrong here? (Not saying the OP is at fault either, tbf, just that maybe you should have chatted about expectations before going away.)

i will happily “shut up” about it now, as I have no real skin in this game, other than having family members work in the NHS, dealing with the consequences of morbid obesity on the front line everyday. If we had to pay for treatment, we might view it with more seriousness than jokes about “pear shaped girlys”

❤

Start a new thread @georgiexox . We're #teamgeorgiexox