AIBU to think my partner could have been a bit more understanding on holiday?

[georgiexox]

We've just got back from a city break and I've been upset since we got back.

I've put on quite a lot of weight over the last few years. I know I have, and I'm trying to lose it, but it's not easy. My partner is naturally slim and loves walking.

We booked a holiday staying in the centre with the intention that most stuff was within walking distance. I genuinely thought I'd cope, but I completely underestimated it. By the second day my feet and back were aching, I was exhausted and finding the hills really difficult.

I kept going because I didn't want to spoil the holiday, but on the third day I asked if we could get taxis for some of the longer walks. My partner looked disappointed and said we'd chosen this type of holiday so we could explore on foot, and we'd miss loads if we started getting taxis everywhere.

He wasn't nasty about it I guess, but was clearly disappointed/frustrated. I ended up sitting in a café on my own for a while in the afternoon while he carried on sightseeing because I just couldn't manage any more walking.

He told me he thought we'd be doing it all together and was disappointed things hadn't worked out that way. I do totally understand that and I felt guilty because I obviously know my weight was the reason.

At the same time, I couldn't help wishing he'd just said, "Don't worry, let's get a taxi," instead of making me feel like I'd spoiled the trip. He says I knew what sort of holiday we'd booked and never said I was worried beforehand, which is true.

AIBU for thinking he could have been a bit more understanding, or is this entirely on me?

But surely you must know how long you were walking for?
fo you mean 2hrs+ with no breaks or under an hour @georgiexox ?

I can see both sides of this.

It doesn't sound as if he criticised you, but expressed his disappointment, which I think is fair.

It would have been good if he agreed to a taxi and didn't make you feel guilty. I got my period on my first holiday with DH, had awful cramp and as my boyfriend at the time he went out of his way to look after me when i couldn't face walking around. Zero guilt or judgement.

However I do think a lot of your feelings are probably internalised guilt and shame for not being able to keep up. I guess it is expected that most adults in good health should be able to cope with a week of sight seeing walking (15k steps a day or so), perhaps feeling a bit sore. But manageable unless there is a medical reason. I think that maybe you are subconsciously pushing a little of that blame onto your husband as a result.

Maybe this is the wake up call that your fitness isn't as good as it once was?

I see this both ways, the best part of a city break is walking around, you aren't really exploring the city sitting in a taxi.

However everyone enjoys holidays differently.

Very honestly though, it would give me the ick if it was a partner. I'm trying to walk around a few city streets and they are sweating and complaining.

Maybe it would be better to take some initiative. Tell him you feel like doing x today, he can come or if not we'll meet up later. That's more appealing than trailing behind with a sad face, hoping he might call a taxi. Call one yourself. He's not the tour guide.

Honestly I would be a bit put out if my DH was huffing and puffing about walking on a city break and wanted to get taxis. The walk and explore is part of the point?

It was shit of him not to agree to a taxi or two.

I am fit and well and on holiday would walk in excess of 18k steps BUT if my DH was suffering we would take more breaks (an opportunity to enjoy lovely local cafes!) or take taxis! It's what you do for someone you care about.

Probably up to 45 mins to an hour at a time sometimes. Obviously we had breaks, but it was the fact it was all day throughout the day.

How long have you been together and how many holidays like this have you done together?

I’m on the flip side of this. My DH has put on a lot of weight and I haven’t. I find it frustrating. He gets out of breath. He sweats profusely. He makes lots of sigh type noises. It really brings me down. More so when he over eats because he’s clearly stuck in this cycle.

Whilst I would have agreed that he took a taxi, I still would have walked and yes, I would have felt disappointed.

As an aside, people would probably describe me as naturally slim. I’m not. I’m just good at moderation and monitor my weight often to make adjustments if it starts to creep up.

Been together about 18 months, we've done like a package holiday together before, and a couple of mini city breaks (1 night) but first time for a city break like this

Hmm. You could have posted exactly the same about a partner who agreed to go on holiday on the basis that there'd be lots of walking and then spoiled it by being unable to do it.

I'd have been disappointed too, and in his shoes would have felt leaving you in a cafe while I did some of the planned activites was a good solution. In your shoes I'd have been glad of a rest and some time to chill out by myself too.

I think in my relationship we'd have reached some sort of compromise where sometimes we altered plans and took the taxis and sometimes we did things seperately.

Ok

Well there are two things here

firstly, I agree with him that walking around gives a better experience so I can see why he’s disappointed that you couldn’t do that. However, given this is the first time you’ve done this type of holiday together he should have been more flexible and you should have discussed how to get through the last couple of days so you both enjoyed it

second, is this a wake up call for your health? Would you have liked to be able to walk everywhere?

Your phone on the health app may still show how many steps per day?

Maybe it was his pace? I’ve got little legs so can’t keep up with others but at my own pace. An easily explore for hours

I think maybe next time a bike holiday or canal trip? Therefore a happy medium

@georgiexox I am so sorry people are so rude. Any excuse sometimes. Who the fuck uses terms like appropriate footwear except HSE people? Its not fair but losing weight is amazingly powerful if its something you worey about. People treat you completely differently. But if youndon't, thats up to you too. I am sad for you that a coupley break wasn't very nice for you. At least he doesnt sound like a total sap like most of the husbands on here. Someone will be along soon to say either you or your OH have ADHD. Maybe he was just a normal person being a bit of an arse. Take care x

The average dress size in the UK is 16. An average height woman who is a size 16 would have the weight to make her BMI morbidly obese (I know dress sizes don’t translate to the same weight for different people). I don’t believe a 16 is actually morbidly obese, but the NHS would it seems, so that means the average woman is morbidly obese

Sorry it's on you. You agreed to a very short 4 day holiday where you'd walk around. I am guessing a City break. You then discovered that you can't actually walk much! Surely you knew this beforehand?
Hopefully a wake up call to get yourself fit and healthy so you can enjoy the next one.

Where'd you go out of interest?

I think you are both right and both wrong if you want it black and white 😂

How overweight are you? Did he make comments about what you were eating?

Yeah that doesn't help, i'm 5ft 2 and he's 6ft 1!

He says I knew what sort of holiday we'd booked and never said I was worried beforehand, which is true.

Were you not worried at all beforehand or did you just not mention that you were?

I’m not overweight and I’m an active person, but 3 days walking around would make me ache too. I walk about 5 miles a day with my dog, but I find walking around a city with hard floors really exhausting in comparison.

destination & weather definitely play a huge part

I like to walk, walk every day and I'm slightly but not massively overweight but the hills in somewhere like Lisbon in 35-40 degree heat are a killer (from experience!)

Sounds my idea of hell for a holiday but I’m lazy and have hip ankle knee issues

yes he could have suggested a taxi or even a bus to see some sights

how over weight are we talking ?

I’d have been disappointed to go on a city break and be asked to take a taxi if we’d agreed we’d be walking a lot. You can miss a lot if you’re not on foot. Did you think places would have been closer than they were to your base? When we go on city breaks my DH does have to slow down though because he’s got longer legs than me and he walks faster! Could this maybe be the reason you were so knackered?

Was it hot? I can walk all day normally but not when it's mid twenties or more.

How overweight are you? If you can't do an hour long walk at home, you need to start building up your fitness.

on the third day I asked if we could get taxis for some of the longer walks