AIBU to think my partner could have been a bit more understanding on holiday?

[georgiexox]

We've just got back from a city break and I've been upset since we got back.

I've put on quite a lot of weight over the last few years. I know I have, and I'm trying to lose it, but it's not easy. My partner is naturally slim and loves walking.

We booked a holiday staying in the centre with the intention that most stuff was within walking distance. I genuinely thought I'd cope, but I completely underestimated it. By the second day my feet and back were aching, I was exhausted and finding the hills really difficult.

I kept going because I didn't want to spoil the holiday, but on the third day I asked if we could get taxis for some of the longer walks. My partner looked disappointed and said we'd chosen this type of holiday so we could explore on foot, and we'd miss loads if we started getting taxis everywhere.

He wasn't nasty about it I guess, but was clearly disappointed/frustrated. I ended up sitting in a café on my own for a while in the afternoon while he carried on sightseeing because I just couldn't manage any more walking.

He told me he thought we'd be doing it all together and was disappointed things hadn't worked out that way. I do totally understand that and I felt guilty because I obviously know my weight was the reason.

At the same time, I couldn't help wishing he'd just said, "Don't worry, let's get a taxi," instead of making me feel like I'd spoiled the trip. He says I knew what sort of holiday we'd booked and never said I was worried beforehand, which is true.

AIBU for thinking he could have been a bit more understanding, or is this entirely on me?

Thank you! I missed that.

Still, I don't think it's anywhere near enough for the way people are commenting.

I have a friend who is a similar height. If she puts on a stone, it is a little noticeable, but only because I know her very well.

It's certainly no where near enough for a partner to start making comments or to go off you physically

@Busylizzy87 , I'm 5'4" and if I put on or lose about 5lbs it is noticeable and people comment. I'm towards the bottom quarter of the Normal BMI range for my height.

OP was about 16st 7lbs when she met her partner, so the weight gain is probably less obvious. That's about 231 lbs or 105 Kg.

… Firstly I respect your view and the polite manner in which you state your opinion. Secondly … I have a bridge to sell you … interested?

I am being supportive, you’re being passive aggressive.

… fingers crossed you’re well up the waiting list. Friends who have had replacements say that keeping up with the post-op physio is sooooo important. Hope all goes well.

Are you in the US? I live in London and 20-30k steps is easy. When I’ve visited the US I’ve been shocked at how little people walk (except in NYC)

I’m 5’1 or 5’2 so around OP’s height. Trust me it would be noticeable if I gained a stone 😭

but he wasn't doing everything alone. This was what a couple of hours. ? They were together the rest of the time.

Do people really expect to be joined at the hip 24/7 on holiday? It would drive me ivsane

this may sound cruel and I apologise but is no one else picking up on the fact OP had multiple pastel de natas at the cafe then bought a “small” box of FIVE back to the hotel?! It is this kind of normalising extreme eating that is fuelling the obesity epidemic!!

I have a massive sweet tooth and would stop at 2 pastel de natas. If OP is truly honest how unhealthy are her habits?!

I’m not much different in height. People notice if I put on a few pounds too.

I think the OP will be around 18 stone 10 lbs with a BMI of 48. If she continues to gain weight at her current weight she’ll be around 19 stone 3 lbs this time next year and that will give her a BMI of 49.2. This won’t up her category for obesity though as anything over 40 is Class 3 obesity which is the most severe.

I was just really surprised that a poster thought that one and half stone in one and a half years wasn’t a lot. If I put that much on people would be asking me what was going on and if I was alright.

I think that’s has been discussed yes.

OP, I’m very proud of you for initiating the conversation. Now, both of you have a better understanding of each other’s perspectives. Next step: a conversation where you agree to be very clear with each about experiences and limitations when traveling. Write them down, even. AND, create a Plan B if things hit a bump.

They were for him.

She said they were ro share, not a gift. She wanted him to try them,

I don’t get comments like this, are you genuinely confused or trying to downplay it.

They were “to share” though?! And she’d already had multiple at the cafe! Can people not see how this normalising of extreme overeating habits contributes to the obesity epidemic?!

The OP hasn’t actually mentioned how she views her own eating habits, she casually dropped that it was a “small box of 5 to share” without any awareness of how mad this is, most people only have one pastel de nata, a day, as a treat. She’d already eaten several in the cafe, whilst her BF was walking, then ordered more to take away!

where is the accountability here?!

She didn't say that they were to be shared.
I'm not trying to normalise anything.

OP is well aware that she is too heavy, and given that she seems a good person I'm trying to show support.

@CodeAmber , an earlier post of mine was slammed when I gave my opinion on OP's weight. The cakes were a local delicacy, so cut her some slack.
Trying the local food is a big part of a holiday for me.
(I don't understand how someone lets themselves get overweight, but people do.)

Can you not see how talking about a “little box of 5 pastel de natas” is at odds with any kind of healthy living?!

Oh for goodness sake, the OP didn't post on here to have her diet torn apart! I think she knows, ok? She posted about her partner's attitude toward a holiday and inability to be flexible and consider her needs.

Exactly. OP knows that her weight is an issue. Her boyfriend would probably be a selfish arse whatever OP weighed.

You're not a matched couple.

He’s not selfish for wanting a relatively active city break with his 20-something girlfriend. Can I ask, how would you respond if he had an eating disordered/anorexic girlfriend refusing to eat enough to be able to walk the bare minimum of steps??

Yeah we do go out to dinner, drinks etc, probably a bit less since we've been living together but we still do.

I had 2 at the cafe, over about 2 1/2 hours with coffees, not 'several'!

I brought the box of 5 (as they sold them for takeaway like that) mostly for my BF to try, and we ended up bring 2 of them home with us.

No doubt you'll still slam me for that but sick of people making up lies!

Just because you get a taxi somewhere on one of the days does not mean it isn't 'active'. He is selfish for being a micromanaging control freak and not considering that sometimes plans might need to be altered and he is in a partnership and should consider his partner's needs.

No one is slamming you? You said a “small” box of 5, I dont know how 5 separate pastel de natas equates to a small box?! Just maybe think about how you view food as opposed to other people, it’s not normal to put 1.5 stone on over a year.