AIBU to think my partner could have been a bit more understanding on holiday?

[georgiexox]

We've just got back from a city break and I've been upset since we got back.

I've put on quite a lot of weight over the last few years. I know I have, and I'm trying to lose it, but it's not easy. My partner is naturally slim and loves walking.

We booked a holiday staying in the centre with the intention that most stuff was within walking distance. I genuinely thought I'd cope, but I completely underestimated it. By the second day my feet and back were aching, I was exhausted and finding the hills really difficult.

I kept going because I didn't want to spoil the holiday, but on the third day I asked if we could get taxis for some of the longer walks. My partner looked disappointed and said we'd chosen this type of holiday so we could explore on foot, and we'd miss loads if we started getting taxis everywhere.

He wasn't nasty about it I guess, but was clearly disappointed/frustrated. I ended up sitting in a café on my own for a while in the afternoon while he carried on sightseeing because I just couldn't manage any more walking.

He told me he thought we'd be doing it all together and was disappointed things hadn't worked out that way. I do totally understand that and I felt guilty because I obviously know my weight was the reason.

At the same time, I couldn't help wishing he'd just said, "Don't worry, let's get a taxi," instead of making me feel like I'd spoiled the trip. He says I knew what sort of holiday we'd booked and never said I was worried beforehand, which is true.

AIBU for thinking he could have been a bit more understanding, or is this entirely on me?

How much walking in distance and in time?
do you have appropriate foot wear?

Very gently but for your mobility to have been impacted to this extent by your weight, you must be very overweight.

He sounds active and the plan has always been for an active holiday, so he was disappointed and communicating that to you.

I can’t understand why you didn’t suggest a taxi.

He should be more understanding. He presumably loves you, so surely he doesn't want to see you struggling?
He isn't unreasonable to be disappointed but I think he is unreasonable to leave you behind like that. There surely is an easy compromise to be found.

Well they say you have to go on holiday to find out what someone is really like. He’s a dick

She did suggest taxis. It's right there in the post

I’m overweight but can still walk miles. Unless you have a chronic illness I don’t know why you wouldn’t? Even if overweight you could be taking yourself out for a decent walk a few days a week. It’s so good for your physical and mental health. I’d be massively frustrated on a city break if my DH didn’t make any effort to walk.

We were there 4 days, i don't know how much exactly but a lot. And yes, I had comfy walking trainers

time, I couldn't help wishing he'd just said, "Don't worry, let's get a taxi,"

I think this is a great post. If you struggled doing 20,000 steps, that’s one thing. But struggling to do even 10,000 that’s a different kettle of fish.

I agree it's not ideal that you couldn't manage the walking.

But I think it's shit of your husband to have made the decision to travel by foot himself rather than get a taxi for some of the time. Surely seeing things with you for the afternoon by taxi would have been better than separating so he could experience things on foot. So I don't think yabu to be upset about this

Hopefully this will be a bit of a wake up call now you realise how much your weight is impacting your life.

Book something active for next year and then you have a goal to aim for!

Do you happen to have an iPhone OP. If you brought it maybe you could see.

If you’ve been together for some time I would have thought you would both be aware of what you were capable of in terms of physical activity and discussed it in advance. I have a family member who struggles with walking and can’t cope with the heat so that type of holiday would be a non-starter. I think he could have compromised by getting taxis sometimes.

can’t vote yet as it’s a bit unclear what has occurred

What do you mean by a lot of weight? I’m no green bean but love to walk when travelling ( stopping at cafes and bars as I go )

How many steps per day???

5000 you are being unreasonable

25000 plus ok maybe he could have been more compassionate and helpful.

Read the post again slowly.

Slim people develop joint problems too. Your weight is likely a contributing factor, but blaming yourself and your body for not being good enough is not productive. Either one of you could have just been having an off day and had the same result.

You were not enjoying the holiday. A reasonable way to make the day more pleasant would have been to cut down on the amount of walking just a little bit.

Your partner should have shown more consideration.

Lesson learned. More research before your next holiday with him. Talk about compromise before you depart if he wants loads of walking.

Would you be both be agreeable to him doing a walking holiday with a group?

Meanwhile, just a thought, but can you try to improve your stamina and fitness by regularly walking in your local area instead of taking the car (if you do). That way you might be better prepared the next holiday.

I hope you can work something out which you’re both happy with. Might take “work” for both of you.

Was it your weight that causes difficult walking or was it inappropriate foot-wear. Not overweight but have been on holidays/city breaks, etc I always have to bring a pair of trainers or walking shoes if we're walking any length really. I keep my nice shoes for evenings/no real walking outings. I'm actually away now fon a long weekend break and just had to buy a pair of trainers because my feet were too uncomfortable walking in shoes. And not just any pair of trainers, you need a pair that are actually comfortable to walk in.

Yes just seen.

The op suggested a taxi but wish he’d suggested it.

op it was your weight that has changed the planned holiday so I can understand his disappointment and he was communicating.

however with regard to the taxi… did he literally say “no” to you suggesting it?

I see where you are coming from, and i also see where he is coming from. It sounds like he did try to cover his disappointment a bit, but I appreciate that if you're someone who wants to just make the best of a situation it can be a bit frustrating when it feels like thats not where the other persons head is at. How much walking was it?
Good luck with your weight loss, it is really tough, it will be so worth it in the end.

It sounds like you need to get some proper professional help with the weight issue where you get support with the underlying stuff that’s led to you to put so much weight on.

To get to the point where you can’t do the usual tourist sightseeing stuff, it must be a serious problem. This isn’t you just being a bit greedy with portions or snacking a bit more than you should, this is you eating yourself into an early grave.

I’d have been disappointed like your husband was but I’d be more worried for your health than anything.

I'm not at all overweight. I would still struggle with going from my normal activity level to suddenly doing thousands of extra steps per day. Unless you're talking about vast amounts of overweight it's not necessarily all down to that. If you know each other well enough to holiday together he presumably knows what your average daily activity level is and would be aware you might struggle with a dramatic and sudden increase. Is he blaming your weight too or is that just you? If so he sounds like he's either a bit thick or rather nasty. Or both.

It's not necessarily your weight that caused this. And it's not your fault. He should have been nice to you. Sometimes things don't go as planned, and that's part of travelling! Being an arse to your travel companions is a shitty response. Especially someone you're supposed to love.

I had an Apple watch but its broken so i can't see how many steps, but i could ask him. It was walking for most of the day between places (museums etc) and then obviously walking round those places

It's not your weight (unless you are morbidly obese with damaged joints).

It's your lack of fitness. You were unreasonable to book a holiday based around walking and not being confident you can walk moderate distances yourself.

I can't walk far anymore, so I accommodate that when I make plans. When I could walk for miles, DP would occasionally skip out and go to a café if it was a bit much for him.

Your partner wasn't unkind about you, he was just reasonably disappointed that you couldn't join in as agreed. It's fair enough that you rested while he did a bit more sightseeing. In many tourist cities, the walking through them is the best bit.

Gradually increase your activity level and it won't be a problem in future.