“All the trimmings” - to find this quite vile?

[Penelopefly]

I’m away with my boyfriend at the weekend. In the course of messaging about our respective days, I’ve mentioned I am starting to pack. He said ‘remember some nice lingerie with all the trimmings’. I queried what trimmings meant - he clarified stockings and suspenders.

I feel like a piece of meat!

🤣🤣🤣 you feel sorry for men? 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Oh get over yourself.

Yeah, I do. Problem with that?

Give me comfy pants and a flat shoe any day! Couldn’t give a shit if a man thinks I’m fuckable or not. And I’m in my 30s 🤣

Well no it’s your problem not mine.

I can't believe how many people are desperate to let everyone know that they'd be happy to wear sexy underwear/dress up. MOST OF US WOULD I reckon, if we were in the mood. I have done all sorts in the name of 'sexy', but that's not the point!

It's the fact it was an instruction - not done in a sexy/flirty/attractive way.
And the fucking word 'trimmings'.

That's it. That's the problem.

For all we know OP does the hoovering in a latex, cut out catsuit with spike heels and a dog collar. It's not about her being vanilla, it's about the UNSEXY and slightly pesty way he asked.

I'm going to stop saying the same thing with different arrangements of words now.

Fair play @Piknik

Just tell him you’ll bring your strap on & he can supply his own Vaseline. 😇. Then look innocent.

What's your advice if he says an enthusiastic yes please?

Perhaps Netmums would be a better fit for you?

I’d probably reply saying ok to nice lingerie but no to supenders it’s not your thing. And ask him what nice night wear he is bringing for himself.

"because there will always be women whose bar is on the floor and who will just laugh it off as banter."

Pathetic response🙄

Why?

Women who enjoy that sort of sex and sexual conversation with their partner don’t have their ‘bar on the floor’.

Do you think I’m saying that women who enjoy wearing lingerie and having any sort of sexual conversation with their partners have their bar on the floor? Please tell me that’s not what you think I’m saying.

You are saying women who can deal with banter with humour are somehow less than those who can't.

I wouldn't need to be reminded. I love buying and wearing sexy lingerie. Not trashy Anne Summers type stuff though.

🤦‍♀️ Fucking hell.

No. That’s not what I said. It’s not what I meant. It’s not what I implied. It’s not how I feel. It’s not what I think. You have spectacularly misunderstood. And, just like @Piknik I no longer have the energy to keep explaining it.

At around twenty two I was briefly seeing an Irish girl. It was very casual at first, but she turned intense very rapidly out of more or less nowhere.

Took a call from her on the bus and stuck it speakerphone as no way that I could anything she said over double decker engine noise. We arranged a hook up. She got very vocal and excited.
Normally very softly spoken , she blurts out " ... and bring the rampant rabbit ... and that big pink rubber dildo ...!"
😲
Was mortified. Most of bus didn't hear it but some did.

Your bf asked you a polite request. This is no different from a fire told to bring his helmet, a police person told to bring the handcuffs, orca hotel maid being asked to bring a feather duster and so on lol.

I'm sure he won't mind too much if you don't.

I don’t think I’m allowed to put that here! (Or there!!)

If my DH ever said something like that (which he wouldn't, as he's attracted to me and not what I'm wearing), he'd get a flat look and a "D'you want to fuck me, or my knickers?"

I've never seen the point in spending good money on trussing yourself up in uncomfortable, pointless scraps of (cheaply made) fabric that you only take off ten minutes after putting on! I understand it apparently makes some women feel sexy, but it just makes me itchy and irritable, and annoyed about the cost. It also carries implications of prostitution for me specifically, so I just have negative associations all around!

And referring to you like a joint of meat is so distasteful. As is the implication that you've got to buy and wear 'nice lingerie' at all in order to please him. Ugh. Is being naked not good enough anymore?

What on earth is so unpleasant about lingerie? I think some people are a bit too parochial.

It's not particularly my thing either and DH & I don't find it necessary. The view in this post though is utter nonsense. There is nothing remotely similar to prostitution if a couple choose to enhance their sex life & libido with the woman wearing sexy underwear. If it makes her feel sexy, pretty & feminine that's what counts. If men find it a turn on, why not. Some women would prefer it if men turned into a bunch of eunuchs who show no physical desire for women.

I think you've nailed it!

I said it carries implications of prostitution for me specifically – not as a general statement. For me. I was very clear, I thought.

As to why – it's because I associate it with the period of time that I was sexually trafficked as a minor. Hence the negative association.