“All the trimmings” - to find this quite vile?

[Penelopefly]

I’m away with my boyfriend at the weekend. In the course of messaging about our respective days, I’ve mentioned I am starting to pack. He said ‘remember some nice lingerie with all the trimmings’. I queried what trimmings meant - he clarified stockings and suspenders.

I feel like a piece of meat!

That's horrendous & I'm sorry you went through that. Another situation why it's always better to clarify reasons for opinions. FWIW I also saw this post as a catalyst for my opinion in general regarding women who feel sexy underwear is akin to prostitution. It's understandable you feel like this & I hope you have have all the love & respect you deserve from your partner & it very much sounds like do.

Thank you – I probably should've clarified why!

But as I said, I just find it itchy and uncomfortable anyway! I'm just not the sort to bother with that fuss and expense.
And the way OP's partner addressed it sounded so impersonal and entitled, as though OP needs to dress up to please him, and just being herself isn't enough (unless of course, she's established that she loves wearing fancy lingerie)!

This man's throwaway remark has far deeper meanings for some women, and obviously no one wants to demean their feelings.

But for many women, it wouldnt be a big deal,they would either go along with it or they would put him in his place with humour.
The OP says she 'reprimanded him' and would not be sleeping with him, which suggests she either took it as an order, and if he is the type to bark orders why is she going away with him in the first place?...or she is a prude.
Either way, they are obviously mismatched, if they stay together I see the man walking around with shrivelled balls in years to come.

We’ve had a lovely weekend away, he has been very apologetic and we are both happy to move forward.

Good for you...I hope he managed not to displease you by any more of his 'dirty talk'. 😛

Perfect I’m glad you’ve resolved it,

Shrivelled balls 😆🤭

when did being desired by your partner become an issue? If you are offended by the term then grow up and speak to him. If not, well grow up anyway. Consenting adults are allowed to enjoy sex.

Misses. The. Point.

It could definitely appear like this guy is being vulgar & entitled. It's even more triggering if you've been through exploitative experiences like you have described. We just have to hope the vast majority of men are respectful towards women & of course vice versa and the Ops partner just got carried away with his fantasies about a sexy weekend away.

Fantastic. Wishing you all the best for the future 😍

Good

Yeah,so did I haha!

He might have been joking, if not then he is out of order.

ok, you fluffy little sausage ...wait he was the sausage, you the blanket 😆

I've never seen the point in spending good money on trussing yourself up in uncomfortable, pointless scraps of (cheaply made) fabric that you only take off ten minutes after putting on! I understand it apparently makes some women feel sexy, but it just makes me itchy and irritable, and annoyed about the cost. It also carries implications of prostitution for me specifically, so I just have negative associations all around!

Why does it have to be cheap? 😕 My underwear certainly isn't cheap.

No. It. Doesn’t.

Totally agree 👍

I hope it works out for you both. Assuming the relationship is relatively new I'd have ended it if I'd been him.

Not that your view is wrong, as your views are for you to decide but it suggests a misalignment between you. No doubt you have that very much in mind though.

It's exactly what you implied....back tracker.

"because there will always be women whose bar is on the floor and who will just laugh it off as banter."

Well if you’ve got to wear them so has he! Fair is fair!!!

Fuck me you’re persistent 🤦🏻‍♀️

I’m not a back tracker at all and it’s not what I implied. I said what I said and I meant it. That you don’t have the capabiliy to interpret and understand it correctly is not my problem. I’ve tried explaining what the problem is with what he said. As have many others. I’m going to have one last try at clarifying that particular statement, and then you’re going to have to ask someone else to explain it to you, because I don’t have the patience for you.

I said "because there will always be women whose bar is on the floor and who will just laugh it off as banter." That does NOT mean that women who deal with situations with humour are ‘lesser’. Of course it fucking doesn’t mean that! What it does mean is that there are instances where a man’s ’jokey’ comment should not be treated as banter but where he should be pulled up and not be allowed to get away with it. And even if a woman’s bar is on the floor, that still doesn’t make her less than any other woman. Is that clear now? Because if it isn’t, then you’ll just have to draw a line under it and move on.

Or a 'creeper'!! 🙄

Methinks he/she protests too much. 😏

I haven’t got the energy or the patience to explain it again.