“All the trimmings” - to find this quite vile?

[Penelopefly]

I’m away with my boyfriend at the weekend. In the course of messaging about our respective days, I’ve mentioned I am starting to pack. He said ‘remember some nice lingerie with all the trimmings’. I queried what trimmings meant - he clarified stockings and suspenders.

I feel like a piece of meat!

Your partner can’t wait to have sex with you. Enjoy.

A Redcoat! 🤣🤣🤣

A lot of people have said suspenders and stockings are old-fashioned, but I thought men of all ages liked them. I don't wear them as I'm fat and would look stupid, but I'd wear them if I had the body for it and IF I wanted to. (I wouldn't be taking requests for it, though.)

For pure sexiness, I thought black lingerie including stockings and suspenders, or a basque and stockings, were a classic that people of all ages like. If I had the body and a boyfriend I fancied, that get-up would be my go-to. Am amazed to hear that people think they're old-fashioned.

I wouldn't be able to resist lying naked under the covers with Yorkshire puddings placed strategically 😅
Its really clumsy wording, but surely him being excited for a bit of dressing up on a weekend isnt an offence?
It is annoying that the standards for them are so different to ours though although I really really cant imagine getting excited about seeing a guy in any type of lace😅 men liking lingerie feels like a very standard preference not a porn thing so im interested in that perspective.
Its fair to say ah that gives me the ick. But If he understands and apologises I wouldn't punish him with a sex ban unless you dont want to be together.

Love it.

Maybe he was joking but forgot the LOL at the end. Send him a haha back and see what happens.

You forgot the Brussel sprouts 😀

It’s not about a British attitude to sex and lingerie, it’s about men expecting women to constantly make the effort to fulfil male fantasies. It’s clear that the OP’s partner has not mentioned what he will be doing to seduce her, his expectation is all on her to accommodate him. I am so glad that more and more women are calling this nonsense out; women are expected to get all trussed up at every opportunity while so many men do fuck all in return.

Ha ha this is why I started reading this thread as the "all the trimmings" I've only ever heard applying to roast dinners!

This is what I thought when I read the title - was waiting on some review of a roast dinner 😂

I live in a ǝɹnʇlnɔ ʇuǝɔɐɾpɐ-ɥsᴉʇᴉɹq🥝 and I've met people from Latin America through dance classes. I expect that may skew things but nevertheless both the men and women really enjoy looking good and if that involves a bit of sex appeal so be it.

I haven't seen any of them in their lingerie but I believe you have a point.

So the expectation is for men & women to have exactly the same thought processes, the same desire to initiate sex, the same libido, the same fantasies eg sexy clothes which incidentally have always been a woman's domain. Although I am all for women's rights and equality in general within society they simply cannot and never will be cut from the same cloth as men. There will always be situations where in the majority of cases men will prove more capable than women & vice versa. It's simply recognising and accepting the differences between men and women and basic human nature.

OH MY GOD PEOPLE ARE SO DENSE

Me: I'm just packing
Him: Oh yeah? Anything I might like in particular....? (flirty, suggestive, fine.)

Me: I'm just packing
Him: Don't forget lingerie (boak) with all the 'trimmings'. (slightly desperate instruction from clammy, immature sex pest).

IT'S NOT ABOUT WHETHER STOCKINGS ARE NAFF AND 80S/UN-FEMINIST/UNSEXY/WHATEVER, IT'S ABOUT THE INSTANT ICK.

Stuffing. Stuffing is 'trimmings' because you only really bother at Christmas, so it's 'extra fancy'.

Love it 🙌🤣

I’m not dense just because I would find it sexy if my partner asked me to bring that. Yeh the trimming bit is a choice but it doesn’t put me off. People who don’t agree with you aren’t automatically dense btw

Where did I say any of that? My point is simply that more and more women are now (thankfully) expecting men to put an equal amount of thought and effort into romance and seduction. If the OP’s partner wants “all the trimmings” then he needs to also give “all the trimmings”, and it’s clear from the OP’s posts that he doesn’t.

And sexy clothes can absolutely be men’s domain as well by the way, and the fact you think it can’t says a lot.

I don't 'lol', but I came close here. You have literally just re-iterated the point I was making.

It's not about whether you'd be ok with bringing sexy underwear, it was the clumsiness, the language and the use of the word 'trimmings'.

I despair at people's inability to understand nuance, I really do.

"this request should be seen in the context of the whole relationship though."

Exactly this. /\

It might sound like a tongue in cheek comment to you. To me, it sounds like this weekend is going to be an utter disappointment for the OP at the hands of a man who doesn’t understand that really good sex starts long before you take your clothes off.

But we all find different things attractive. If that wouldn’t kill the mood for you, then great. Good for you.

You sound like a teacher not a girlfriend.
I hope he cancels first, and finds someone with a sense of humour to have weekends away with.

Can I ask if this is a particularly British attitude to sex and lingerie? I am not British. I adore wearing lingerie that makes me look and feel wonderful and I know the sort of that thing that suits me and put time and effort into sourcing the right thing. My boyfriend is also not British. Maybe relevant as I am asking about cultural things that we are Latin American. His pleasure in my body/lingerie is lovely and definitely turns me on to see it, but he would love me in anything! He also loves the fact that I am an independent woman, have outspoken views, a high powered career etc I get that everyone is different and this request should be seen in the context of the whole relationship though

Is what a particularly British attitude? Are you under the impression that all of us who think this man is grubby dislike lingerie? That none of us like wearing anything sexy or that our partners would enjoy? Because you are completely wrong and utterly missing the point, if so. She’s not objecting to wearing them. She’s not objecting to him wanting to see her in them. She’s objecting to him making her feel like a piece of meat.

And he sounds like he’s ordering a customisable burger.

You’d need a very peculiar sense of humour to find a demand for lingerie and ‘all the trimmings’ sexy.

'Demand'??
It sounds like a throwaway remark to me, but only the OP knows that.

If he is in the habit of 'demanding' anything....God knows why she is planning to go away with him in the first place.
If, on the other hand, he was being flirty....pity she didn't take it in the same way.
Either way I doubt the relationship will be lasting much longer.

But it’s not an instant ick if you’ve got a bit of a sense of humour - how people wouldn’t just laugh it off and move on with their day is beyond me.

So uptight.