“All the trimmings” - to find this quite vile?

[Penelopefly]

I’m away with my boyfriend at the weekend. In the course of messaging about our respective days, I’ve mentioned I am starting to pack. He said ‘remember some nice lingerie with all the trimmings’. I queried what trimmings meant - he clarified stockings and suspenders.

I feel like a piece of meat!

Maybe she just isn't into him in the first place....just a thought.

From your title, I thought it was going to be a thread about you going for Sunday roast.

I'm not surprised you feel like a piece of meat. Urgh.

’Don’t forget to pack…’ is setting out his expectations. It sounds like a demand to me, albeit in a particularly passive aggressive way.

And if that’s an example of his flirting ability then God help her. But I’d agree with you that this isn’t a relationship that’s going to have a happily ever after ending.

But it’s not an instant ick if you’ve got a bit of a sense of humour - how people wouldn’t just laugh it off and move on with their day is beyond me
So uptight. @hereforthelolz It’s beyond me how that wouldn’t give you an instant ick. And how crap would your sense of humour have to be to find that amusing? Perhaps it’s not everyone here that’s being uptight. Perhaps it’s you whose reaction is odd?

The reference to "dense" is because you've missed the point spectacularly. No one cares or is interested in what you like sexually. It's completely 100% bloody irrelevant that his crass comment wouldn't put you off.

It put the OP off. She's in the early days of a new relationship. She's entirely right to think "yuk, no". And you and the other posters trying to make her think she's wrong or a prude or a "pearl clutcher" are bang out of order.

Personally I find the expression "roast dinner with all the trimmings" revolting even in a food context so a man saying that in relation to sex would be deeply unsexy and a complete turn off.

Absolutely this. Threads like this always bring out so many posters who say “well that wouldn’t bother me!” When that isn’t the point at all. We all have different boundaries, and this is clearly a boundary for the OP. I always find it interesting that so many women seem to hate it when other women are good at asserting their boundaries and are not prepared to put up with shoddy male behaviour, it always smacks of envy of other women’s standards and sense of self-worth.

@aliceyyyy2654 I don’t think this is about whether women want to dress up for their partners or not… it’s about the fact a man text a woman telling her she needed to pack a certain type of ‘dress up’ which then made her feel like an object. The reference ‘I feel like a piece of meat’…
I also don’t think refusing to dress up in the dress up in the bedroom makes women ‘vanilla’….. I find that reference made by justveryveryangry anti feminist…. Like we as women are just boring if we don’t comply with men’s fantasy’s

I just have this mental image of the OP as Lady Whiteadder snorting "Filth, filth". And no Im not envious of anyone who's so easily disgusted and offended, it must make life so tiresome.

when I saw this, I knew it wasn’t about a roast dinner, so my mind went straight to toe nails…. I thought @Penelopefly was going to say her partner trimmed his toe nails and left them in the bed or on the coffee table 🤣🤣

I hope you managed to have a nice weekend away OP, I hope he apologised for how he made you feel x

Maybe pack a chicken suit as well?

Are you quite sure you understand exactly what it is that the OP is upset about?

I might want to occasionally dress up, but I won't be told to. He sounds like my creep of an ex, and that isn't a good thing.

The phrase “all the trimmings” is only ever used with reference to roast dinners, specifically roast turkey at Christmas.
Apparently according to another poster it is also used by men on chat forums in the context the OP’s boyfriend used it. Presumably these are the type of men who refer to women as “birds”, hence the use of the language.

The other context might be what one might do with all the trimmings off the hedge I suppose but I’m really racking my brain to think of any others and that’s clearly not the analogy here…

I agree the choice of words was not appropriate or endearing but the extent of feeling suggesting the man is a pervert is equally inappropriate. I wouldn't particularly like the expression & I would suggest he found better ways of suggesting a sexy time away although I would still give him a chance. I would probably say something like I'll bring the trimmings if you bring the turkey & laugh it off. FWIW I would be given the ick if it was winter & he suggested bringing warm undies, if not more so 😂

Where does she say she is in the early stages of the relationship?

'Dont forget to pack'...sounds like a jokey comment to me....who forgets to pack when they are going away? His added comments I would have taken as mere banter and would have replied in kind.

However, I wasn't going; the OP was, and NO MAN should make a woman feel like 'a piece of meat'. So it begs the question, if someone offends you so much you find their comments 'vile, isn't it time to move on?

Agree, sounds like an Americn airman in the 1940's! He'll be buying her toblerone and silk stockings next!

This would put me to off any physical contact with him. He fails to understand how physical contact relates to the affective domain.

Isn't that a Tom Ford perfume?

If it gives you the ick, it gives you the ick, end of.

well you seem fun

First of all I'm wondering how long you have been together because relationships are all about learning about each other. If dressing up isn't your thing then you can always cancel the weekend and tell him that you are obviously not compatible sexually. Why compromise your feelings for what could be months of trying to make it work? I'm sure there are plenty of women who enjoy dressing up and also plenty of men who aren't into it. End the relationship and find a man who suits you better, and set him free to go experiment. This is why I don't jump into bed with a prospective partner because exploring your sexual tastes should be part of a decision of whether or not you both like the same thing.

Pack nothing and take him shopping to buy you what you want.

But surely finding out what your partner likes is something you talk about before you jump into a sexual relationship or am I missing something?

He is disgusting. Dump him immediately.. if you choose to wear of your own accord what he suggested, but for him to TELL you. Absolutely not!

Leanne on Coronation Street used to phrase ‘all the trimmings’ in a similar but postcoital situation