AIBU to ask my friend to leave after criticising my diet?

[Dogingarden]

I have a friend staying with me at the moment because it's just been my birthday.

I have been having treatment for breast cancer and have had no appetite for several weeks. Today I had a craving for pizza and have eaten a large pizza and some chips. I've also eaten most of a bar of green and blacks chocolate today too, along with some other bits.

Friend isn't very impressed and has said several times I need to eat healthy food. She's very much into healthy eating and is very disciplined about what she eats.

I've explained that my consultant says to eat whatever I fancy when I fancy and not worry about what I'm eating as long as I'm getting calories. I have long nearly two stone from chemo side effects, for context.

Friend disagreed with this and said I shouldn't be eating "processed crap" because it's just going to make the cancer worse.

I'm extremely upset by her attitude and what she's said. She's gone up to bed and I'm sitting in the garden with my dog feeling awful. She's meant to be staying until wed but I'm going to ask her to leave in the morning.

Wibu?

I asked her to leave this morning. I woke up feeling really poorly and she blamed it on the pizza and chocolate I'd eaten yesterday. I had a banana protein milkshake in the fridge and asked her if she'd grab it for me and she brought me a cup of spearmint green tea because milkshake are bad for you.

I think the friendship may be over unfortunately... She's always been a bit weird about food and weight and is absolutely tiny herself so I think she thinks being super thin is a good thing.

She left after a bit of an argument and I got my milkshake from the fridge (and threw her green tea in the bin)

You don't tell someone you care about that they're making their cancer worse for any reason.

@Dogingarden

Am sorry you’re in the midst of this shit show and I hope you asked your ‘pal’ to leave…..

I cannot bring myself to enter into the debate above and the well meaning advice from those who have no clue.

As a fat, stage 4 cancer patient, I had a choppy tea tonight because it’s what the kids requested and frankly nothing matters more than spending time with them and making them happy.

My only advice is to try to eat foods you have no previous affiliation with as everything tastes ‘wrong’.

And tell the ‘well meaning’ cancer spectators to fuck the fuck off.

big love to you Op

So sorry to hear that xx

Chippy tea ffs

Thank you

OP, try to eat something that brings up nice memories… could be childhood favourites or comforting memories with family or past summers. Something like ice-cream, popcorn with a favourite film.
maybe watch a favourite cooking show … that might help you build an appetite.

sorry the food is tasting horrible.

some people are like salt, too much of them can ruin the taste. Just drop her from your regular contact.

That depends on the type of cancer. Some blood cancers at stage 4 are curable.

So sorry OP. Your friend’s behaviour is truly shocking. Hope you can eat some more comforting food today.

You are not being unreasonable. Some people have such deep seated issues with 'healthy' food that they are unable to (or do not understand) that there are circumstances when energy from any food is more important than the food quality.

The overall diet trend is important, not an occasional pizza and some chocolate. Anyone suggesting otherwise is totally unable to see nuances or lacks the understanding of the importance of maintaining a healthy weight during cancer treatment.

I suppose it depends on whether you class a true friend to be someone who agrees with everything you say, or whether you class them as someone who has your best interests at heart.

I would have asked her to leave as well. Hope all goes well with your treatment

i bet you are glad she’s gone. People who never had these drugs have no fucking clue. People going through cancer have added to their tremendous psychological and physical load people giving apparently well-meaning advice. I don’t know how I managed to stay polite. There were some people I just couldn’t talk to any more.

You can eat whatever you fancy! Cancer treatment has huge known effects on appetite and I’m proud of you for getting anything down you. It’s easy for people to criticise when they’re not experiencing it. Yes, nutrition is important but even pizza has lots of nutrition within it!

Just read your update op. Good on you for kicking her out.

What an absolute headcase. Doesn’t sound like she gives a shit about you actually having any calories!

op’s friend doesn’t have her best interests at heart as she is not concerned that op has had extreme weight loss as a result of the chemo and needs calories to maintain weight. A tea isn’t going to do that is it.

oh look another flying piggy

I class a true friend as someone who doesn't try to get me to go against current medical advice by nagging me....or by amy other means come to that.

OP doesn't randomly have an opinion though, she is following her consultants advice and this friend thinks she knows better than an oncologist.

True friends also know when to shut up and let things go which this friend hasn't done.

This.

OP I feel so angry and upset for you that you've had this to deal with on top of everything else. How dare she? You need kindness and support not judgment and lectures.

Has she left now?

I had stage 4 blood cancer. I am cured contrary to claims above that it's impossible. My chemo was brutal but combined with an absolute shed load of steroids. I went the opposite way to you and gained a ton of weight. It was very uncomfortable. I really looked horrible too given I was bald.

Anyway the people that loved me didn't even seem to notice. I did have one woman in my life (I refuse now to call her a friend) who seized the opportunity as soon as it was all over to make lots of public remarks about my weight, being careful etc. Like your friend she is absolutely tiny. There were always men around when she did it and frankly I believe she was jealous of me and saw her chNce of kick me when I was down.

I really hope your friend apologies to you and sees her mistakes. In the meantime let me tell you that you're doing great.

too late! She brought the OP green tea instead of the banana protein shake that she asked for FFS

Diet is just going to become another thing to beat cancer patients over the head with. It's an extension of the whole battling/fighting cancer thing. If you don't make it then it's because you didn't fight hard enough! People are scared of cancer - they like to be able to rationalise it by thinking it won't happen to me because I don't eat pizza/chocolate etc etc.
Your friends disorderd eating thinking patterns are stronger than her ability to be a good friend right now so I am glad you've asked her to leave.

I had a friend who would always comment on how "skinny" i was (I wasn't, just a healthy weight) and would always fake concern when really she was just very jealous that she couldn't eat whatever she wanted. It really pissed me off. Your friend is not concerned about you at all

OP, you've got me wanting to make your banana protein milkshake now! 😋
Would it be:
vanilla ice cream
whole milk
scoop of protein powder
Banana
???
I'm thinking I'd amp it up a bit with a titch of real vanilla, a frozen very ripe banana, a bit of heavy (whipping) cream and I think I'd need a squirt of chocolate syrup or some cocoa powder. Did you make yours or was is bought?
My dc asked me to make a banana milkshake a few months ago, but I didn't make a very good one and I need to redeem myself. 😂