AIBU to ask my friend to leave after criticising my diet?

[Dogingarden]

I have a friend staying with me at the moment because it's just been my birthday.

I have been having treatment for breast cancer and have had no appetite for several weeks. Today I had a craving for pizza and have eaten a large pizza and some chips. I've also eaten most of a bar of green and blacks chocolate today too, along with some other bits.

Friend isn't very impressed and has said several times I need to eat healthy food. She's very much into healthy eating and is very disciplined about what she eats.

I've explained that my consultant says to eat whatever I fancy when I fancy and not worry about what I'm eating as long as I'm getting calories. I have long nearly two stone from chemo side effects, for context.

Friend disagreed with this and said I shouldn't be eating "processed crap" because it's just going to make the cancer worse.

I'm extremely upset by her attitude and what she's said. She's gone up to bed and I'm sitting in the garden with my dog feeling awful. She's meant to be staying until wed but I'm going to ask her to leave in the morning.

Wibu?

She may have been clumsy in the way she said it but she probably meant well .

I would agree with this. It’s a very sensitive topic but it is far more likely that it came from a place of good intent. I think asking her to leave would be hasty.

She was very outspoken and spoke in a very insensitive and rude way about something that isn’t your every day …. I would ask her to go…. But…. She’s not wrong re the processed food, and where calories come from matter. Your oncologist is being remiss (and very old school). Read source like Dr Colin Kelly ‘stop feeding your cancer’, or listen to podcasts by Chris beat cancer for a perspective on the role of nutrition. Good luck!

Ah @DogingardenI totally get it. I am having chemo at the moment and have one friend who constantly tells me I should not be eating anything with sugar. Every time she calls she mentions it, she will ask what I've eaten whatever I say she will tell me about sugar. Thing is for a week after chemo I can't really eat anything much, then have a couple of days where I would get a gold medal for eating! Then I go back to my normal healthy diet. I know she means well but shit - if I want a bag of Maltesers when I've eaten nothing else all day I will eat them.
Sorry she has been mean OP. You don't need this!

Yes I thought it was well known to eat to nourish your body and rid yourself of the bad stuff . I remember Julia Bradbury stripping everything from her diet .

Agree with this. She was insensitive but somewhere it’s out of care for you. She shouldn’t have said thst though, I can see why she upset you.

So sorry to hear about your diagnosis. See how you feel in the morning, after you’ve spoken to her.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable. Her attitude seems very unsupportive, she should be cheering you on instead of putting you down. Do as your consultant says, eat what you fancy when you want. And enjoy it!
Wishing you all the very best.

Completely agree with this. Diet does matter a lot

Cancer treatment is rough. Just getting any food into your body is a win OP. You do you.

Give up the hosting. You need to focus on yourself.

Definitely don't suffer her company. Ask her to leave - her behaviour was atrocious. Wishing you the best xxxxx

Just a comment to the people on this thread who are backing up the woman who commented on the OP. It's all well and good explaining preferred diet but until you have been though chemo you won't know how your tastebuds change and how food makes you feel. I hope you never ever have to go through this but it's hard enough without judgement. Things I used to love taste like shit and my mouth and gums are so sore some foods are off the table.
We all know that in an ideal world we should be living off kale and sprout smoothies with tofu and quinoa salad for lunch! It's just that cancer doesn't always agree ...

Yabvu not to tell her to piss off now.

I get where she is coming from but it was an inappropriate thing for her to say given your circumstances. I think it is from a place of concern though. Maybe tell her tmrw how it made you feel but I would not ask a friend to leave for this reason. Seems a bit silly.

She has a point that processed junk is ideally not what you should be eating but if that is what you want today, no one should make you feel guilty for it! Hope you recover completely soon. Take care!

I would treat you to a pizza every day if you were my friend and it made you feel better

To all of you going through this too, I'm so sorry and I hope you're doing okay.

To all of you saying diet matters; respectfully, please mind your business. I had days in the last weeks where I couldn't keep any food down. I've vomited so much I've made myself bleed. I currently weigh around 7 stone at 5'9 tall. That's dangerously underweight according to my doctors.

To everyone else; thank you. I don't think she's doing it from a place of concern but a place of judgement unfortunately. I have already explained what my consultant said and she still thinks I'm unreasonable for eating pizza (veggie pizza) and some chocolate.

After not having any appetite for a while, what's most important is that you are eating again, not what you are eating.

Your friend sounds judgemental and unsympathetic, and right now you need people who are going to support you, not bring you down.

I remember going through the same treatment and the consultant and doctors telling me to eat what I wanted when I wanted when I could as there would be plenty of times I wouldn’t be able to eat or keep things down. Your friend is being unfair and rude to judge your choices. All the best for your treatment OP and likewise any one else going through same .

I’m no doctor but I reckon the stress caused by someone watching your every bite and berating you for it will be more damaging than a temporary reliance on pizza to get calories in.

I have a friend currently going through cancer treatment and like you, she has lost a LOT of weight. Priority has to be keeping your strength up however you can.

Unfortunately everyone no matter how unqualified seems to have an opinion about food, treatment, the lot.

My friend also eats pizza. 🍕 I hope you enjoy yours as much as she does. Here's another piece. 🍕

Surely these are just different opinions and hers came from a well meaning place? We are told all the time about certain foods increasing the chance of cancer. I wouldn't throw my friend out for trying to protect me! She is trying to show care for you in the way that she shows care for herself, via her food. Now I'm not saying she went about it in the right way or even that she's right - idk. But she is your friend and there's room for friends to speak openly. She doesn't have to agree with you or you with her - you can both agree to disagree and still remain on good terms with no one throwing anyone out. I wouldn't bin a friendship over this.

You deserve those treats with what you are going through. Best of luck and ignore the friend ❤️

Oh and yes, I would ask her to leave because you don't need that negative energy around you.

Look, if you genuinely think she's just judgemental and not genuinely concerned, I don't understand why you'd be friends with her in the first place - surely her personality isn't a surprise to you?

I'm so sorry OP.
Well done for eating something, anything, it is so hard.
I cannot fathom her behaviour.
Really not normal.
Please do not upset yourself.
Be proud you managed to eat something and if you feel it best in the morning that she leaves, just tell her.
This is not the time to be tolerating other peoples unasked for opinions.
Wishing you well.

When my dad was going through treatment he ate an entire cheesecake and felt so guilty because he only ever ate a Mediterranean diet with very little sweet stuff. I did and said everything I could to make sure he knew it was absolutely the best thing he could have done. His body was craving it and he deserved a treat. Some people eat like that their entire life and don’t get sick. Fuel your body and soul however feels right, you’ve got enough going on ❤️

I'm so sorry OP for what you're going through. Tell your friend that seeing as how you are dangerously underweight and can't eat everything you want then if you want a pizza you're having it and you expect your friend to understand. Tell her that until she's gone through the horror of chemo she needs to shut the fuck up. Hope you're feeling better soon 💐