To cancel date over his ‘joke’?

[Datingwoee]

5th date tomorrow night with a man who has been great up to now. I’ve had to push the time back by an hour - said I’ll need extra time to freshen up after work. His reply to me was: “No worries, can’t be having a whiffy growler lol”.

Is that date cancelling worthy or am I being a bit too harsh?

Exactly, so it's not really the case then at all that there is a clear difference in the severity required before a man will burn someone. Both men and woman are likely to do the same.

It's not harsh, if someone has the ick they have the ick, they don't owe the other person anything if they no longer want to continue dating them and it's not harsh to call time on something when you know it won't go anywhere, it's actually the best thing to do.

She got to know his sense of humour and didn't like it.

No wonder there's a 'male loneliness crisis' that they don't stop moaning about considering they make offensive jokes and think women should be ok with it.

Loads of us do not find it funny.

It is a red flag for me (and many others).

Sorry darling, I have been with my DH for 28 years and I didn’t need to ‘mould’ him- he was already a fully fledged, civilised man when I met him, despite being only 23. If he wasn’t, I wouldn’t have married him. He also had an excellent sense of humour, which was very attractive to me.

Fazed, not phased btw.

That is grim.
Personally I could never get passed that.

So you’re a man, and one that needs a woman to show you how to behave? Are you not a bit embarrassed by that?

@ByKeenCoralMember
Please tell me you’ve never said anything that grim to a woman?

If you have, you’ve got to learn from this thread, otherwise you’re setting yourself up for serious disappointment.

Having sex once doesn't mean that that's it, you've reached the pinnacle of intimacy, there is obviously a world of difference between people who have only slept together once and known each other a short time versus people who have built an intimate connection through repeated intimate interactions.

It's just weird and not in line with human behaviour to think that it's not possible to be 'overly familiar' with someone you have previously slept with.

It's also a very dangerous attitude that you hold, to assume and decide you are more familiar than you actually are just because someone slept with you once, that can lead to people not respecting other peoples boundaries (because they haven't learned what they are) or issues with consent.

In this case it may just have been a joke/comment but the attitude itself is dangerous to assume that being overly familiar isn't possible once you've slept with someone.

Most people tend to put their best foot forward (so to speak) so relatively early in a relationship, regardless whether they've shagged or not. If this is him putting his best foot forward, imagine what he'd be like a few years down the line...

Hi, im amazed / shocked you think this opinion could be 'dangerous'.

I know everyone is different, but I think I am on fairly solid ground by saying most people would consider a higher level of intimacy would be required for - & is implied by - sexual intercourse, than simply to share a crude joke.

The guy put his foot in it with a joke. Maybe he felt a more risque (or risky!) joke was acceptable, if things had proceeded to the stage of physical intimacy?

Whatever, I'm sure he wasn't trying to be misogynistic or derogatory to OP whom he clearly likes.

Equally there was nothing misogynistic about my response. It was not even directed at OP, but just asking question in the sense of being devils advocate.

Maybe its just me but I have always found physical intimacy (or any kind) to be a big deal and of significance, not a throwaway thing.

The older I get, I have come to realise not everyone thinks that, which I think is horribly fascinating, and explains so much about disagreements I have had about morality etc.

I'm amazed that you don't.

The issue is that you seem to be saying that if someone has been sexually intimate then they can't complain if the other person then begins to act overly familiar and what would they expect?

Even though that is not how a healthy relationship works, in a healthy new relationship they will build on the intimacy and let it grow, they wouldn't say well we've had sex now so we've already done the ultimate intimate act therefore anything goes now.

most people would consider a higher level of intimacy would be required for - & is implied by - sexual intercourse, than simply to share a crude joke.

Many may initially have sex fueled by lust or some initial feelings building and a desire to be intimate, it doesn't mean that the intimacy is truly already there, just that desire is there and a certain level of comfort that means they're ready to have sex with the person.

In most relationships it takes a while for an even more comfortable level to develop, I've seen videos of some couples online who clearly enjoy this kind of humour between them with the man making jokes about her vagina or boobs or the woman making jokes about his balls etc, it's highly unlikely they started that after the first time they slept with each other, because that would be really fucking weird.

It's a big deal to me and significant also, hence why I'd be upset if a man said that because then I wouldn't be attracted to him anymore or want him anywhere near me.

Maybe you're just making assumptions that others see it as a throwaway thing because you wrongly believe that if a woman was serious about the guy in the first place and open to having sex with him then that means she shouldn't be uncomfortable or disgusted by comments like that. It doesn't work like that.

The OP has skedaddled and here we are dealing with weird comments, mansplaining, it's honestly gone bonkers.

I think you'll find that the expression "whiffy growler" is referencing very funny scenes from Ricky Gervais' series, "Afterlife."
She's obviously never watched it but hardly his fault if she's never seen it!

The only thing that I've learned from this thread is that 81% of women don't find smelly fanny jokes funny! lol

So because it was in a Ricky Gervais show that automatically means it funny and harmless. As you pointed out, over 80% of women on this thread think it is offensive to women. That really does tell you something. Of course, society is known for not listening to women. I guess this is another example of that.

Agree, have fun ... just not with you dude.

@Toker The character who said it was Brian. He is presented as an extremely socially awkward man and a hoarder. He’s consumed with bitterness about his ex-wife’s infidelity, and he constantly makes inappropriate sexual comments and repulses women. The male characters don’t seem impressed by him either. I don’t think the viewer is supposed to think he’s in any way normal or appealing!

Some viewers eventually saw a different side to Brian and were able to find some sympathy for him, but the way he talked about his ex wife was not presented as acceptable bantz.

Same as the arsehole ‘therapist’ and his rancid mates who are firmly presented as egotistical misogynists who everyone thinks are wankers. In fact Tony calls the therapist a cunt IIRC.

Gervais observes and understands humans very well. Maybe his humour is too subtle for you.

"I think you'll find" and "full of females" and all the others far too boring to list as they attempt to patronise, pressure, lecture and guilt trip us into finding revolting behaviour funny or acceptable because that's totally how humour and romance work... seriously, where is the pod generating all these dudes and can someone please switch it off?

"Too subtle?" Please. 🙄
I get the character completely. The fact that he’s pathetic, bitter, and loathed is exactly what makes him funny.
Comedy thrives on characters you love to detest. Just look at Basil Fawlty, Alan Partridge, Blackadder, or Rimmer from Red Dwarf.
Maybe it’s a guy thing, but men are finely tuned to schadenfreude. It’s why we laugh when a mate gets smacked in the balls with a cricket ball. 🕵️‍♂️🏏
Quoting these monsters in real life for a laugh doesn't mean we endorse their morals. It's called banter.
If the OP missed the cultural reference, that's on them. But taking everything at face value and getting this offended?
It seems the humour was actually too subtle for you.

Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly, pompous MRAs gotta bore all women till we die.

So the OP's potential date was identifying with a pathetic bitter and loathed character, who was clearly a misogynist, and you can't see why that would give over 80% of women the ick?

@Toker you’re a man. Therefore, when it comes to judging whether or not this supposed ‘joke’ is offensive, your opinion is irrelevant. You have no right to tell me or any other woman how to feel and think.