To cancel date over his ‘joke’?

[Datingwoee]

5th date tomorrow night with a man who has been great up to now. I’ve had to push the time back by an hour - said I’ll need extra time to freshen up after work. His reply to me was: “No worries, can’t be having a whiffy growler lol”.

Is that date cancelling worthy or am I being a bit too harsh?

I think he should defiantly join Pedants' Corner and when he comes back he might of learned something....

A close shave for him! If you can't laugh at something like that he is better off without you! Considering dumping someone for a badly taken joke is just ridiculous!

We’re still waiting for someone to explain the joke @Toker. Can you have a go?

I've never had to pressure, guilt trip or insult someone into going on a date with me when they didn't want to. Curious that so many people have, and so many of them MRAs.

I'll leave it to Katherine Ryan....

That probably would give him the ick - its just the same scenario in reverse - but I still think that its harsh to ditch someone over one misguided or poorly judged joke. Its part of getting to know each others sense of humour etc.

One thing which has been troubling me on this thread - and please correct me if I have got it wrong -

I understand that OP and this guy have already slept together after just 5 dates (which is OPs choice).

Yet, people are saying ditch the guy because his joke was "overly familiar" (or words to that effect).

Of course he is being familiar with OP, they have slept together FFS. What could be more familiar than that?

Amazing that people will not bat an eyelid at people who barely know each other having sex, yet will be up in arms over an ill judged joke!

I wonder if we as a society / culture do not have our world view in a bit of a guddle.

Thanks @Toker but I still don’t get it. I don’t find Katherine Ryan funny so that probably doesn’t help. 😕

I can guarantee that he can. He just chooses not to vocalise them....

Think that you are missing something fundamental here. Being physically intimate with someone is a a beautiful experience - if reciprocal, mutual, consensual, respectful etc (doesn’t matter how long you have known them) whereas responding to any woman as if they are only a genital vessel in gross misogynistic language is vile, disrespectful, derogatory (doesn’t matter how long you have known them).

I wonder if you are victim blaming here ? Clearly you have a timeline on which you judge others for first sexual interaction and as the OPs didn’t align with what you judge to be acceptable - then she’s deserving of misogynistic abuse?

It’s not that it’s overly familiar, it’s that it’s a derogatory to refer to a woman’s vagina as a ‘whiffy growler’.

Either way, I have started to question OP’s motives for starting this thread.

@BlueSherbet as @Battieshas said, it’s not the over-familiarity that’s the problem- it’s the language use.

I’m sure many of us here who objected to ‘whiffy growler’ wouldn’t mind a new man saying that he had enjoyed the sex, or saying something complimentary about our body. It’s the base and derogatory way of talking about women’s genitals that’s the problem.

Of course you can't guarantee. You don't know him. If you did, I think you'd understand. Sad if you really believe this is so common.

Yuk. Depending on how much you like him and other behaviours I’d probably decide based on that for one more chance or absolutely not. Only you can know which one but the red flag would be at least at half mast now ….

You’re not wrong @ByKeenCoralMember. No wonder so many women choose to stay single when there are so many disappointing men about!

I am very pleased when I hear women are not lowering their bar

the bar is so low now on what is a good guy its time this changed and that will have to come from women not just expecting higher standards but only accepting high standards

shame that its women's behaviour that is leading the change

Infinitely preferable to being in a relationship with such a man.

So much whining about women having standards. Perhaps rather than look to women to lower theirs, you can instead raise your own.

Who’s angry? I wouldn’t be inclined to waste the energy required for anger when simply dismissing such a man is perfectly effective. Someone who so casually and conversationally uses such rough language isn’t the type of person I have any interest in, our values being so very different.

And lonely? I’ve been married for a decade. Believe it or not we’re not all so limited in options that we have to choose between a rough man and no man.

It has been mentioned here that the OP has slept with this man. With that in mind, maybe it is not intended as a joke and the guy is talking from lived experience. Think of it as a request or prompt😂

Its funny - come on! He would probably be mortified if he knew it landed this badly. He obviously doesn't mean it - he's making a joke. I have two brothers - maybe this makes a difference? Red flags are dishonesty, being unkind to children and waiting staff or stealing all your money - not this??

Ah OK then. It's a woman's own fault if a man insults her genitalia, she clearly hasn't 'moulded' him correctly! Jeez.

BTW I've been married for 23 years and would not be remotely happy if DH joked about me having a 'whiffy growler'. And I'm anything but prim/uptight.

Is there anything that men will take responsibility for? Or are women to blame for literally everything a man does?