AIBU to refuse to stay here and cancel the trip?

[Una107]

Been looking forward to staying at a lodge (similar to centre parks style holiday). It’s not cheap and DP was rude at the time and said he was going to sort it. All I said is make sure it’s got everything toddler needs.

He then booked the lodge. I asked him to send me the link, which he did. Lots of space, baths, nice area of the site.

Turns out that he’s actually booked an accessible room. So there’s no bathrooms and DD absolutely hates showers so that will be a battle. It’s nowhere near the centre of the site due to accessibility and the layout and setting of the lodge is different so smaller basins etc.

I asked DP why he didn’t check this and why he sent me a link to the wrong lodge. I am saying we should now cancel or move the dates to a time they can book us to a standard lodge. He doesn’t think showering with DD is an issue (it will be me having to do it as he doesn’t parent unless it’s a weekend or holiday). This trip was meant to be for me to relax as I do literally everything at home every day while he works (and I work too).

AIBU to be so upset about this? I am willing to accept I might be, I’m pretty down at the moment generally and just feel the trip is ruined and really would rather re arrange.

He doesn’t think showering with DD is an issue (it will be me having to do it as he doesn’t parent unless it’s a weekend or holiday)

Happily he’ll be on holiday so he can sort it out

Or he can phone to see if it’s possible swap rooms.

He booked something he knew would not be suitable, then sent you an incorrect link. I would be upset at being deliberately misled and let down too. He doesn't sound very nice.
What conversations about suitability and needs happened before he booked?
Do you think he deliberately booked something unsuitable or could he just not be bothered to pay attention?

@LittleBearPad there is nothing available

If you can’t swap lodges you could get one of those stoke collapsible baths. They are toddler size. We had one when we lived in a place without a bath.
Is there a reason your husband doesn’t parent?

@endofthelinefinally I don’t know exactly how it happened and he won’t be clear. I’ve asked if he made a mistake or booked the cheapest thing etc. he won’t actually say he just says it was all that was left.

He says I’m being a brat and ruining things for Dd. I’ve just had enough

I can see why you’re disappointed as it’s not to your expectation, but I don’t think it’s worth cancelling the whole thing?

as he’s messed up it’s his job to fix it - can he buy / pack a bath / paddling pool to put in the shower tray? Pack trike or whatever to make walk to facilities easier?

I’d think it’ll still be a good experience but again maybe have a conversation with reception that you’re worried about xyz what can they do to help? Loan you equipment? Put you on waitlist? Would you be open to moving part way thru the trip?

If you want to make it work, ask him to buy a small paddling pool that can go under the shower.

of course YANBU

If you got any chance of booking a suitable lodge, even at differnet dates, go for it. You'll be nuts not to frankly.

I asked DP why he didn’t check this and why he sent me a link to the wrong lodge

That is SO passive aggressive, why are you finding so much fault with it, what is really going on?

Our DD (now 5) hates showers so when she was smaller we used to just pack a plastic tub (like an under bed storage tub) and it was fine, helps with packing/carrying thing in to the accommodation too.

he is saying he has booked time off now so doesn’t want to cancel. I had booked time off too! I am just sick of dealing with his cock ups

@SandyHappy would you not be bothered about staying in an accessible lodge?

It’s not what you were expecting but it will still be a break and he can sort out your daughter’s showers.

@LittleBearPad would you be bothered it’s an accessible lodge though? Am I being unreasonable?

just shower her at the swimming pool showers, fast wash, she will soon get over it. When mine were babies we did lots of cheap caravan breaks and i used to block the drain with something and have a mini bath. It was fine, you’re over thinking and stressing too much. Plus it is a holiday, so he can do some parenting can’t he.

If anything your toddler will have more space. Can you take a baby bath with you?

Apart from the lack of bath (easily fixed with a collapsible bath/paddling pool), what's the problem with an accessible lodge?

What's the difference apart from the lack of bath? Sounds like you're determined not to go. I would happily go, a holiday is a holiday. Maybe you can afford to write the money off though. You could pack a large baby bath and fill it with the shower for DD. Or a large plastic tub. Talk to him, tell him you're pissed off with his errors, ask him to pay more attention in the future.

You never know you might have fun.

I can't think of anything about it that would bother me to be honest. Usually, more floor space, wider doorways, wet room rather than bathroom, ramp access instead of stairs, unless I'm missing something, there's nothing I can think of that would put me off it.

What about it is bothering you?

both my dc used to hate showers too so I used to take a really small paddling pool to pop in the shower so they could have a bath when we went away but yes it’s annoying that he didn’t bother to check what he was booking

If it were DH and he’d behaved the way your DH has I’d be cross that he hadn’t paid attention and after the way he’d behaved have told him he was sorting bath time.

However other than the bathrooms is it really that different to the non-accessible room?

The site won’t be that big - it will still be a holiday

I think the issue is that your DH sounds generally useless and this is the straw that has broken the camels back kind of thing. It’s exhausting to have to effectively parent by yourself and take on responsibility for any family related thing that involves thought. As a one off thing, it’s a mistake but within the context of everything I understand why you are annoyed. And I think it comes down to what you are willing to accept/not accept in a partner. If he is not contributing to your life in a way that makes you feel like part of a team then I’m not sure what the way forward is. As resentment will only grow for you and for him he will create a narrative where is ‘nagged’ and ‘nothing I do is ever good enough’ rather than face the fact of his inability to be an adult. All you can do is try and talk with him and if that’s like hitting your head against a wall, bigger decisions may need to be made. Best wishes.

Those asking what is bothering me about it…

firstly I’m generally annoyed he’s messed the booking up

secondly I am worried we are not allowed to book an accessible lodge we don’t need and will be judged?

thirdly I feel anxious about whether it is safe for DD

I wouldn’t be bothered about it being an accesible lodge. Your DD can shower at the pool (how old is she?) or take a portable bath.
you won’t be that far away from things and the point of CP is being outside, there will be parks and other bits you need to walk too anyway, enjoy being in nature.
is there something else going on here as it seems a bit dramatic?
have you tried all the other parks to see if they have space if you are really unhappy?

We ended up in one once due to overbooking and the kitchen was really hard going as the sink/cooker/worktops were all lowered. And it wasn't just having a wet room which meant you got wet feet every time someone showered - the sink and counter tops were all lower in the bathroom which for DH at 6ft 2 was a nightmare.

And honestly, I felt sick being in there thinking someone who really needed it couldn't be.

What the problem with it being accessable apart from the no bath?. Take a little blow up pool.