AIBU to refuse to stay here and cancel the trip?

[Una107]

Been looking forward to staying at a lodge (similar to centre parks style holiday). It’s not cheap and DP was rude at the time and said he was going to sort it. All I said is make sure it’s got everything toddler needs.

He then booked the lodge. I asked him to send me the link, which he did. Lots of space, baths, nice area of the site.

Turns out that he’s actually booked an accessible room. So there’s no bathrooms and DD absolutely hates showers so that will be a battle. It’s nowhere near the centre of the site due to accessibility and the layout and setting of the lodge is different so smaller basins etc.

I asked DP why he didn’t check this and why he sent me a link to the wrong lodge. I am saying we should now cancel or move the dates to a time they can book us to a standard lodge. He doesn’t think showering with DD is an issue (it will be me having to do it as he doesn’t parent unless it’s a weekend or holiday). This trip was meant to be for me to relax as I do literally everything at home every day while he works (and I work too).

AIBU to be so upset about this? I am willing to accept I might be, I’m pretty down at the moment generally and just feel the trip is ruined and really would rather re arrange.

What we did with ours when they were toddlers and there was just a shower would be to fill the bottom of the tray and let them sit in that.

You've missed their daughter needing a bath so it is "incorrect" as you say.
It most definitely wasn't the lodge they'd agreed on

PS which resort is it? Maybe we can give you some tips if we’ve stayed there.

You clearly think your DH is a knob but this is not the hill to die on. Fall out with your husband for whatever he does that really annoys and affects you. Not having a bath tub can be very easily rectified and staying in an accessible lodge is no issue whatsoever. What on earth makes you think that’s ’unsafe’?

Your making yourself sound silly when I’m sure whatever vex’s you about your husband is valid.

This. Stop cleaning up his fuck ups.

He called you a brat ? You havd bigger problems than just a wrong lodge. He's rude anc doesn't care.
My ex was like this. Don't be a doormat, stop complaining about him and take action. Booka spa break ancctell him he's in charge whilst your away !
TWAT

The problem is you’re rightly pissed off with him for doing no housework or fathering. It’s all come to a head with this lodge.

obviously its not just about the lodge here. Its about his shit attitude and you doing all his share of parenting and cleaning and life admin and he can barely do one job correctly. Am i right? If so. changing the lodge to an non accessible one is not going to solve the problem. The problem is he doesnt give a toss and turns it all on you when you voice your frustration.
He wont change probs until youve given him a ultimatum.

Oh you're right, I didn't get that on first reading at all!

So he sent her the link to generic accommodation, but the actual accommodation he booked doesn't match what she had been shown, with regards to type and location.

Oh yeah, that really is annoying.

I've booked a 'normal' hotel room, and been given an accessible one, a couple of times, I guess just because no one needs a disabled room, and they want to use all the rooms - I've never seen it as a problem. Please try to make the best of whats good about the trip, rather than focus on whats wrong, and have a nice time, kids pick up on your mood and you'll end up with grumpy DCs if you mope.

I am not seeing the issue. Take a plastic bath for add gave it as a fun holiday thing. I don’t see the problem with an accessible lodge at all.

I think you say if you shower dd every day for the next two weeks to prove you will willingly cheerfully do that on holiday then we keep the booking. If you don’t do it or moan about it then it’s off. It’s up to you how inconvenient your booking is , it would make me miserable but maybe you can have some wonderful bonding time. Your choice- do we cancel or do you start cheerfully showering dd? I’ll of course tell everyone we cancelled because you booked a place without a bath knowing she hated showers and you refused to shower her. Every parent who has actually parented will get it.

Do not worry about being allowed to book the lodge. It is booked, if they say it is not suitable they will move you to an alternative.

Do not worry about safety, it should be fine/ have similar safety features. You can check if he has booked anything needed like baby gates, high chairs, or travel cots.

But - you are entitled to be upset about the bath Vs shower issue. Ask your DH how this is going to be handled as you will not be showering with your DD.

Is there definitely no option to change lodge? Have you contacted the resort?

It sounds like he booked without checking properly and is likely embarrassed. I suspect, from your comments, this is not the first time and there has been some recent tension about this?

Try and step away and give opportunities for this to be fixed/ solutions found. But think what are the priorities. I would say:

1. Check - yourself if needed - if you can change lodge. There may be a few if you can.

2. If you cannot, check that any toddler equipment you need has been booked / will be available for your trip.

3. Find a bath solution. It could be your DH manages all showers. He could also look to talking a baby/ toddler bath or similar.

On the face of it the accessible room is no big deal, you can buy a travel bath for about £15 on Amazon…. Problem solved. However this really isn’t about the bath or lack of. This is about your DH, if you want to relax and be less stressed you need to sort the bigger issues.

If you really don’t want to go. Let your DH take you dc on holiday and you stay at home and get some proper rest 🤣

Kids are not that dirty. Literally a bit of water on them and few wipes will do when you got not facility

“He doesn’t think showering with DD is an issue (it will be me having to do it as he doesn’t parent unless it’s a weekend or holiday)”

It is a holiday though, so let him get on with it. I can’t see why it matters.

Why don't you realise that disabled people also take their children on holiday. Not to mention children themselves who need accessibility.

Do you think that the offspring of disabled parents are risking life and limb in an unsafe accessible lodge because parents are disabled.

Obviously you do because you worry that your precious DD may be unsafe in the evil accessible lodge.

I'm sure no-one is going to judge you for being in an accessible lodge. Something similar happened to us recently - we booked the last room available in the hotel and it turned out to be accessible.

You could try phoning and saying to the site providers that if by any chance an ordinary lodge becomes available (e.g. if someone cancels) please could you swap and have that instead.

I can solve the shower issue for you @Una107 (have not read the whole thread so someone may have already suggested this) but we had a toddler holiday in a place that I hadn't checked before booking but we realised too late only had a shower.

What we did was buy one of these large trug buckets www.toolstation.com/flexi-tub-40l/p79794 or https://www.toolstation.com/red-gorilla-flexi-tub/p79997 (available from lots of different retailers in various sizes - the friend who suggested it to me has one big enough for 2 toddlers!) and used it as part of our packing (I think it went in the car full of toys books and toddler clothes) then once unpacked the trug makes a perfect toddler-size bath. Just pop it in the shower and fill it up. Tip it out when done. Toddler very happy.

Take a trug for her to bathe in and fill
up from the shower. Also, when you get there, ask reception if you can swap rooms quite often with accessible rooms they like to keep those free so they may well put you somewhere else.

This, I still can't get over "He doesn't do parenting". Imagine!

Not a lodge but I was once booked into an accessible room in a hotel. It was a pita for me as an able-bodied person, because everything was at the wrong height. In my case I was the person organising a big corporate event in a hotel and it was better for me to have it than a paying delegate - but I wouldn’t want to do it again.

Why is an accessible lodge further from the centre of the site? That makes no sense.

Wasn't this posted a few months ago

It won’t be the end of the world if your child doesn’t bath for a week.
My parents would stand us in the kitchen sink and sort of swap us down, or you could do that on the floor.

Have you tried getting in the shower with your toddler and holding them? We found that easier.