AIBU to refuse to stay here and cancel the trip?

[Una107]

Been looking forward to staying at a lodge (similar to centre parks style holiday). It’s not cheap and DP was rude at the time and said he was going to sort it. All I said is make sure it’s got everything toddler needs.

He then booked the lodge. I asked him to send me the link, which he did. Lots of space, baths, nice area of the site.

Turns out that he’s actually booked an accessible room. So there’s no bathrooms and DD absolutely hates showers so that will be a battle. It’s nowhere near the centre of the site due to accessibility and the layout and setting of the lodge is different so smaller basins etc.

I asked DP why he didn’t check this and why he sent me a link to the wrong lodge. I am saying we should now cancel or move the dates to a time they can book us to a standard lodge. He doesn’t think showering with DD is an issue (it will be me having to do it as he doesn’t parent unless it’s a weekend or holiday). This trip was meant to be for me to relax as I do literally everything at home every day while he works (and I work too).

AIBU to be so upset about this? I am willing to accept I might be, I’m pretty down at the moment generally and just feel the trip is ruined and really would rather re arrange.

I did not put “words in (anyone’s) mouth” I & PP suggested it as a possibility.

So he was rude to you and that is why he ended up doing the booking, he then deliberately falsified the information (presumably to hide what he had done for some reason - possibly due to embarrassment) and is certain things YOU will have to deal with are not a problem. You do realise how this sounds to an independent observer don’t you? This was meant to be a break for you, I’d be very tempted to say as things stand, you don’t think it will be a break so you suggest he goes ahead and has a break with daughter and you stay at home to rest. Win-win. He deals with things that are fine and no issue, and you get a rest. Also, WHY exactly does he do next to no parenting if you both work? This to me seems to be the biggest issue you have - and probably why you need a break - rather than him messing up a holiday booking. Fix this and you fix the rest I suspect.

But going by what the OP said (which is all we have) it is not a possibility; she says very clearly why she doesn't want the lodge, and it's not because of any disdain or revulsion or anything else about people with disabilities.

These are not entirely reasonable worries.

Mildly annoying yes, but really not the end of the world. You will be swimmming during the day and so a 30 second shower is fine surely?

It sounds to me like there is something else going on. On the face of it, none of this is a big dral

I don't agree I am missing the point. He did book something perfectly suitable, there is nothing wrong with what he booked, unless you are looking for problems.

In the lodges we've stayed in, I wouldn't personally want to be in an accessible lodge as the sink and the stove are often set at a height for a wheelchair which is not really suitable if you're standing (and the stove could be dangerous with small children). They're obviously unpopular as they're frequently the only ones left. The bathrooms are also very utilitarian, a stark contrast to the luxury experience promoted. I'm sure it's possible to create a wetroom that has a luxury feel whilst still being functional but they seem to go for hospital style.

I think you are projecting - and this is probably the straw thats broken the camels back, its not that this is the problem, its a culmunation of him being a pretty useless father/husband and ALWAYS cocking up and you having to repair/sort it.

You have to be a parent and tell them it's tough your going to have a shower like it or not. Kids sometimes do have to do things they don't want to do.

It will be perfectly safe for your DD - why/how would it not be?

I can understand that you are annoyed, but it doesn't seem like such a terrible crime. I'd be more concerned about the general lack of parenting and be sorting that out.

As far as I know, no issues with having accessible accommodation when you don't need it, unless your DH made a false claim on the booking form. I've been given accessible accommodation in the past when they didn't have another space.

If the shower is the only problem just give her an all over wash at the sink for the duration.

It will be very safe for your daughter. It will be step free which is a bonus moving suitcases and a pushchair and other stuff about.

Your daughter might well like the wet room where there'll be enough space for her to see the shower without being under it or to be on the edge of it.

Your husband may have accidentally done a useful thing while being careless.

You know, just to put it out there, if you were to divorce, you would get every other weekend off. Just sayin' . . .

I think you’re BU
But it’s likely because you’re so unhappy in the relationship so finding fault with this.

I have been given accessible places many times.
It’s usually because the others have been booked and they’re not going to leave it empty just in case a disabled person tries to book.

You could ask if there are any lodges with baths and they may allow you to swap but if not I can’t really see the big deal.

A toddler doesn’t need bathing that often and it will be more to get the chlorine off from the swimming pool, in which case a shower would be better.

Take a cheap, small plastic paddling pool to put in the bed room if she likes sitting down.

Take the pram if the lodge is far from the activities.

It’s very common that the better lodges, close to the entertainment will be booked first.

YABU to be mad over this.
But you have way bigger problems in your relationship.

Tell him to take DD on vacation and you will stay home. That will allow him to bond with DD and you will get a break.

It’s a holiday so he should parent? According to your OP.

I mean the problem isn’t actually the accessible lodge, it’s that your DP is a twat.

It’s his overall uselessness, laziness and leaving you to do all the parenting all the time that’s the real problem, this messed up holiday booking is just one symptom. I think you need to address the bigger issues. The holiday frustrations are the tip of the iceberg.

Did he ACTUALLY book an accessible room? Usually they keep them available and fill them up last in case someone needs one, but if they haven't been taken by someone with a disability by the time the others sell out, anyone can book it. But it might not show that it's accessible on the booking - you might have been allocated it without asking just by picking that general type of lodge.

I don't know the backstory and haven't read all 9 pages of this thread (who has the time!) but you actually sound like hard work, as do the people defending your outrage!

They're not the last ones left because they're unpopular. They're allocated last so if someone NEEDS one, they can book it. You can't book an accessible lodge if you don't need one, when there are still others left.

Get a small paddling pool to bath DC in. My daughters dont like showers either.

I think you H is a dick. I think this is the tip of the iceberg and that he's a dick about lots of things. I think his dickheadness is making something that would be a small thing into a big thing.

Duplicate post

As it is booked and can't be changed you will just have to roll with it. If anything the accommodation should be larger but i wouldn't trust your partner to book anything on future.

Has he called to be swapped to a standard lodge?

If he has called and it's the only one available I think I'd just go. Surely your DD can cope with a shower for a few days? It's not a major issue is it?

The accessible lodge will be safe for your child.

Us disabled people can have children, you know, and take them on lodge holidays with us. I know, sounds rad, but there you go.

I wouldn't be bothered, from the comments, most wouldn't. OP, is this the straw thats breaking the camels back? You said you've been feeling down, and that he only parents on weekends...

It doesn't sound like that big a deal, your toddler won't be bothered about not having a bath.