AIBU to refuse to stay here and cancel the trip?

[Una107]

Been looking forward to staying at a lodge (similar to centre parks style holiday). It’s not cheap and DP was rude at the time and said he was going to sort it. All I said is make sure it’s got everything toddler needs.

He then booked the lodge. I asked him to send me the link, which he did. Lots of space, baths, nice area of the site.

Turns out that he’s actually booked an accessible room. So there’s no bathrooms and DD absolutely hates showers so that will be a battle. It’s nowhere near the centre of the site due to accessibility and the layout and setting of the lodge is different so smaller basins etc.

I asked DP why he didn’t check this and why he sent me a link to the wrong lodge. I am saying we should now cancel or move the dates to a time they can book us to a standard lodge. He doesn’t think showering with DD is an issue (it will be me having to do it as he doesn’t parent unless it’s a weekend or holiday). This trip was meant to be for me to relax as I do literally everything at home every day while he works (and I work too).

AIBU to be so upset about this? I am willing to accept I might be, I’m pretty down at the moment generally and just feel the trip is ruined and really would rather re arrange.

1. it's easy to mess bookings up. Not the end of the world
2. contact the company and let them know that you will happily swap if they become aware anyone would prefer an Accessible lodge- guilt assuaged
3. get a travel bath for DD.

Like PPs I dont see why the accessible lodge is an issue but sounds like there are bigger problems if he refuses to parent.

The issue is you have a useless husband who only parents when he feels like it.

I think the problem is that you can’t stand your dds father. Which isn’t surprising as he sounds useless and unpleasant.

Why did you have to walk them down each time? Why not share that particular task.

Is this about the lodge or that you’re fed up that he doesn’t actually parent and that you are worn down by it?

I'm slightly bemused why you'd think that somewhere that's suitable and safe for a disabled person wouldn't be safe for your DD.

Your DH is a separate issue altogether.

This. Looks like you're spoiling for a fight.

I think YABU. Your daughter will cope and you'll likely have a very good time if it's anywhere like Bluestone.
Certainly don't cancel it.
There's a danger this could turn into a mountain out of a molehill. I don't think this is a hill to die on.

The room wouldn't bother me at all, but it sounds like you're planning a holiday with a husband you don't expect to equally parent with....? Now THAT would be unacceptable to me. Everything else I accept that holidays mean that sometimes things aren't going to be quite the way I want them (room not dark enough, no bath etc etc), but change is part of the fun! But only if you're going with someone who is fun to be with and is an equal parent........

✨weaponised incompetence ✨

This really sounds like it is more a "last straw" situation than anything being actually properly wrong.
He has failed to book what you asked him to book and even though what you've ended up with is not that bad (from what you've said) it is just another thing that, when left to him, has gone a bit wrong.
When my DD was a baby, really up until she was three, I did EVERYTHING for her. My DH was a proper chocolate teapot. Out of his depth, missing his old life, missing the old me, filled with regret and worry. Hopeless.
So when I would ask him to do something like: pick up McDonalds on his way home, if he didn't get my order right, it felt like a massive betrayal rather than just a mistake.
I can remember once hurling a Big Mac across the brook that ran along the edge of our garden, because I'd asked for a ¼ pounder with cheese and I just couldn't believe that despite everything I did, everything I still had left to do before my day was done, he had f**ked up his one task.
It was an over reaction in the moment, but a sign that something really needed to change.
Sleep on this OP, but don't ignore your feelings.

Unless I see comparative links here then I am sorry I can only go on experience. My experience is the accessible versions of these lodges are often nicer by virtue of having more space.

Obviously the bathrooms are less ‘normal’, and more medically aided but the lounges and bedrooms are much more spacious.

I often think ooo shall I book that one, but obviously don’t because we are not the intended party and that may deprive someone who actually needs it.

Doesn't really sound like an issue. Lots of holiday houses have showers so she'll just have to get used to it gor a few days.

Honestly it's probably pretty unlikely most people will notice you're even in an accessible lodge so I wouldn't worry. We were one year accidentally booked an accessible room by butlins and while we didn't need it and noticed about 8 months before to swap it I doubt anyone would have cared if we had used it . That said thou im surprised your DH didn't check the booking confirmation multiple times afterwards we do!

There’s two issues here aren’t there?

The fact that your DP doesn’t share parenting of his own daughter is one issue. And that actually is an issue when you are both working.

But it’s separate from the fact he’s booked the wrong accommodation, but he surely made a mistake. I can think of no reason he would deliberately book the wrong accommodation. Unless it was because he didn’t want to go, and as he’s said he doesn’t want to cancel then that’s not the case .

i actually think you are being a bit precious TBH. I don’t think a shower rather than bath is the end of the world. Lots of DC are happier with baths, but equally an awful lot of holiday accommodation has showers. It may be possible to take the shower away from the stand so it doesn’t go over her head (if this is what she doesn’t like), and given it’s an accessible room there is likely to be plenty of room in there so she can maybe shower with you or your DP, make it a bit of a game. Otherwise just wipe her over with a flannel.

I think your concerns around booking the accessible accommodation when you didn’t need it, and your daughter being unsafe there are a little bit silly. How on earth can an accessible lodge be unsafe?

So, ignoring the accessible shower issue, are you booked where you want to be, in a place that works for your family at a price you are happy to pay? I am sorry, I am really struggling to see how this is a deal breaker? If you contacted the site and it is off season, they could probably move you if they have availability. I am saying this as someone who has always booked direct home and abroad

Get a large size shnuggl bath and fill it with water from the shower head and dd can bathe in that. I have booked places where it turned out there was only a shower and we managed.

Unless all the counter tops are very very low and the only issue was the bath I wouldn’t be bothered by the lodge.

It sounds like you have bigger issues than the lodge if he does not pull his weight with parenting and has form for messing things up though which is why you’re maybe feeling so strongly about it

He really should step up and do his fair share of parenting and taking responsibility for things

https://amzn.eu/d/0g8R5Oqd

understand completely being annoyed with incompetence but I am baffled by your strong feelings toward it being an accessible room other than no bath?? Why would a room accessible for someone with mobility issues not be safe?

OP it may have just been an accident. You sound like you both might be a bit stressed and need this break.

as others said - take a paddling pool or tub.

other than that it’ll probably be safer with more space and wider doors. Sinks she can reach, less steps.

maybe try to go and be open minded. Relax and see how it goes. Hopefully he will have to parent more as it’s not a work day. Not saying he shouldn’t on work days of course…..but this might be a chance to take turns.

if it was booked for you to relax then he must realise that you need a break?

This. It sounds like one time being useless too many.

You are overly annoyed about this which makes me think this is more the straw that broke the camels back.
Your DH needs to start parenting more.

I think this is one of those posts where the real issue is the bit in brackets.

If it were me, r.e. the holiday specifically, I'd make the most of it - my DC hates showers and surprisingly accepted it on holiday, and the location doesn't sound like the end of the world.

This would upset me a lot more (as in, it would have to change immediately): 'he doesn’t parent unless it’s a weekend or holiday'.

Points 2 and 3 are just silly things to worry about.

Can you afford the costs of cancelling?

Why are you putting up with a man who doesn’t parent his child during the week?

How is that passive aggressive?
OP is upset that incorrect accommodation has been booked and wants to know how it happened. So she asked him directly. That's not passive aggressive.