AIBU to refuse to stay here and cancel the trip?

[Una107]

Been looking forward to staying at a lodge (similar to centre parks style holiday). It’s not cheap and DP was rude at the time and said he was going to sort it. All I said is make sure it’s got everything toddler needs.

He then booked the lodge. I asked him to send me the link, which he did. Lots of space, baths, nice area of the site.

Turns out that he’s actually booked an accessible room. So there’s no bathrooms and DD absolutely hates showers so that will be a battle. It’s nowhere near the centre of the site due to accessibility and the layout and setting of the lodge is different so smaller basins etc.

I asked DP why he didn’t check this and why he sent me a link to the wrong lodge. I am saying we should now cancel or move the dates to a time they can book us to a standard lodge. He doesn’t think showering with DD is an issue (it will be me having to do it as he doesn’t parent unless it’s a weekend or holiday). This trip was meant to be for me to relax as I do literally everything at home every day while he works (and I work too).

AIBU to be so upset about this? I am willing to accept I might be, I’m pretty down at the moment generally and just feel the trip is ruined and really would rather re arrange.

I have no idea why you're so hung up on it being accessible. Are you worried you'll be burglarised by a wheelchair user?

We had an old touring caravan when our children were young. Our most useful piece of equipment was a baby bath. We stored toys in it for travelling, used it as a little playpen for babies who couldn’t sit unaided, (padded out with towels) used it as a mini paddling pool in hot weather , and used it as a bath for all the children for as long as they could fit into it, which surprisingly was at aged ten or eleven. I suggest you buy one for your child to use.

I've been known to bath toddlers in a pink flexitub bucket in all sorts of rural campsites across Europe.

I wouldn’t be bothered about staying in an accessible lodge, why would it be unsafe?

I’d be annoyed if the location was rubbish but I’d still go.

You can give your toddler a quick bath in the kitchen sink. My kids used to do that at their grandparents and absolutely loved it! Just properly clean the sink before and after.

If he intentionally booked an accessible place when not needed then he is in the wrong, but that's an ethical issue rather than a legal or logistical one; no one is going to ask any of you to prove that you have a disability. You could even call and tell them, and reiterate at check in, that you don't need the accessible room and are willing to switch. I'm not sure what you mean by he sent you the wrong link - was it the right property but the wrong room type? I'd probably assume he made an honest mistake (not thinking through the various room types) especially if he's an inexperienced booker/traveller.

FWIW, for hotels in general there are often many more accessible rooms that typically needed. I've often received an accessible room when booking "run of the house" rooms (where the cost is lower and you get whatever room is leftover) or especially via opaque sites like Priceline. In my experience, it's only the bathroom that's noticeably different (and less desirable, in my view, if the accomodations aren't actually needed) but also be aware that there may be things like easy-to-set-off alarms and pull cords to alert a staff member, so make sure your daughter knows not to experiment with anything like that! If the concerns about the room type being unpleasant for you or unsuitable for your daughter are the only reason to hesitate, I'd still go.

He doesn’t think showering with DD is an issue (it will be me having to do it as he doesn’t parent unless it’s a weekend or holiday). This is outrageous, for your DDs sake especially, but that's not what you asked about so in this instance if you want to go on the trip I'd just tell him that it IS a holiday, so he's in charge of DD including getting her to shower.

Not having a bath for a toddler who hates showers is a bit of a pain. But if it's a CP type place then presumably you'll be swimming and can get away with minimum number of showers.
Not being in the centre - again, might not be perfect location but depending on when booked may not have been possible to get "perfect".
Smaller basins and different layout - not sure why or if that's a big issue.
You can go with attitude of this is our holiday let's make the most of it. Or that everything's wrong and you'd rather stay home and have a row.
Maybe he's a crap husband and parent. But he's booked this and you can pick fault, criticize and forever be the one who has to make future arrangements, or go and see what it's like.
DH and I usually book things together, sharing links and then sitting down together to actually book. Sometimes we get snippy with each other as it can be stressful actually making the decisions.

You sound exhausted, not surprisingly. I hope you manage to have the relaxing holiday you need, OP - either this one but improved, or something different.

Yes

He sounds as though he want listening andit ir really bothered.Couldnr carse less Not really his tesponsbilty to sort it out.

No.

You are blowing it out of proportion, will be fine. A good time to get dd showering, just be matter of fact and say here on holiday we shower because there’s no bath.

Yes you are being unreasonable.
so the doors will be wider, no steps, a wet room rather than a bath, most other things are the same, and the lodge is just a base, when we go away we spend very little time in the accommodation so it just has to be functional.
Take a large baby bath or tub to bath your child… Or explain to child that the holiday house only has a shower, might be a good opportunity to get DC used to showers…. It will be a wet room so you can shower with DC. I’ve actually found these apartments more roomy and the shower rooms less claustrophobic

She hasn't mentioned being married, so dumping the useless boyfriend would be easy depending who owns the house.

Holidaying with such a man won't be enjoyable regardless of the location.

@Una107 you'd be better starting a thread about how to end your relationship before your child notices her father lack of interest in her. This thread has everyone going on about sinks and showers.

It sounds like you really really need a holiday ! You need to go.
Just wash them in the sink with a sponge. They will probably go swimming every day anyway.

Holidays with young kids are usually a change of scene rather than a rest but you’ll still come back refreshed .

I've got a disabled DC so can only book accessible lodges/rooms.

I don't see what the issue with an accessible lodge is tbh.

The 'shower' will be a wet room rather than a tiny cubicle. Put DC in a swimming costume & let them play in it.

Accessible will also mean easier access to facilities. It might not be the nearest but it's not going to be the furthest either & will also be step free so perfect for a little one on a balance bike or push chair.

Are you frightened of the aids & equipment being a bit medical? If so get over yourself.

I think your relationship with DH is a problem though!

Do you like each other?

It wouldn't bother me if my husband booked an accessible lodge or one further from the centre. If my husband threatened to not come on holiday because I booked the wrong lodge I would seriously be questioning the future of our relationship.

Equally if my partner was leaving all the parenting to me I would be questioning the future of the relationship.

It sounds like lots of resentment has built up- maybe you should consider couples counselling?

We had this problem once, and I used a builder's rubber bucket and filled it in the shower to make a little bath tub. My DS thought it was hilarious, and we never laughed so much when his little ducks kept slopping over the edge into the shower tray among the bubbles. These are happy days, and you are so lucky to afford a holiday somewhere. Now my baby boy is fifteen,
I look back fondly on all the crazy compromises we made to create a family time away, and the fun we had, just to give us all joyful experiences. He doesn't remember the rubber bath tub, but the photos make me smile to this day...

So on one hand I feel you should smile and get on with it, seems it was the only lodge left so trust him this was the case. take the opportunity to get dd to enjoy having showers. Make it fun for goodness sake. Let her wash the doors with a face cloth, take a dolly in with her, make up silly songs whatever. Once mine got the hang of it we couldn’t get them out.
On the other hand you say he only parents at weekends and holidays. I think this is the main issue here. Get a hobby that takes you out of house one night a week so he does routine bedtime pjs teeth stories etc.It’s part of being a dad.

Sorry but you need to get a grip and make the best of what you have. Its not for ever. Set out to enjoy and next time keep an eye on what hubby books!

Why would it not be safe?
Sure anyone can book one … they don’t ask for proof of a disability.

This. ^
Get the paddling pool solution ...go on break , get child in kids club .
Possibly find new husband. But that's just me ...

An accessible lodge really isn’t an issue.

bath - pack a plastic blow up one.

distance - I still can’t imagine on the edge it’s going to be a hike to facilities. Take a buggy.

The issue is your husband generally, you clearly aren’t happy. I would probably put try to discuss his lack of parenting generally with him.

I think youre being a bit OTT. I certainly wouldn't cancel. If its an accessible room it wont be a high up shower that has water falling on your head. So adjust it to just wash DD body and get a big to wash her hair however you would usually do it in the bath.
Also try explaining to DD that there is only a shower so no other option.
What type of holiday would make you actually feel relaxed? Things aren't the same as at home so you just have to make adjustments and compromises. Just get on with it and enjoy your holiday. Its not that hard