AIBU to refuse to stay here and cancel the trip?

[Una107]

Been looking forward to staying at a lodge (similar to centre parks style holiday). It’s not cheap and DP was rude at the time and said he was going to sort it. All I said is make sure it’s got everything toddler needs.

He then booked the lodge. I asked him to send me the link, which he did. Lots of space, baths, nice area of the site.

Turns out that he’s actually booked an accessible room. So there’s no bathrooms and DD absolutely hates showers so that will be a battle. It’s nowhere near the centre of the site due to accessibility and the layout and setting of the lodge is different so smaller basins etc.

I asked DP why he didn’t check this and why he sent me a link to the wrong lodge. I am saying we should now cancel or move the dates to a time they can book us to a standard lodge. He doesn’t think showering with DD is an issue (it will be me having to do it as he doesn’t parent unless it’s a weekend or holiday). This trip was meant to be for me to relax as I do literally everything at home every day while he works (and I work too).

AIBU to be so upset about this? I am willing to accept I might be, I’m pretty down at the moment generally and just feel the trip is ruined and really would rather re arrange.

Surely it will be safer? No steps etc?

If he calls you a brat again just say “Yes, it’s clear to all I’m a brat”. Not much of a comeback to that.

DH sometimes says “oh, because you’re a saint” when I criticise something he’s done and I’ve started responding with “yes, I AM a saint” and it generally leaves him floundering a bit.

Seems pretty clear to me. He went to book it, saw the only lodge left was an accessible one. Knew it wasn't ideal but didn't want to engage his brain and troubleshoot a solution, so just booked it. Then send you the wrong link so you wouldn't kick up a fuss. He probably didn't expect you to find out till you got there then you'd just have to suck it up.

Doesn't sound like he's affected at all. Just you and dd.

Quite frankly. You know he's useless. You know he doesn't give a shit about either of you. So either leave him. Or buy a folding/inflatable bath or mini paddling pool and make her a little bath in the bottom of the shower.

I used to have a bloke like yours. Fucking useless at parenting.
Go on the holiday, sounds like you need one. Get him to do some of the parenting.
Take an inflatable rubber duck bath, hopefully your DC will love it.

I honestly don't get the drama. You want to cancel because the trip is RUINED because there's no bath?
Your horror at having an accessible room is just weird. Do you think you're going to catch a disability from it?

I know several people who would love to have a holiday away somrwhere, anywhere !

STOP !

Be grateful that you have the time,money & health to go away on holiday together as a family

Enjoy your time away together

Stop moaning, before you even get to your destination

Breathe & make the most of your holiday !

It's annoying. Not data change worthy. Bring a paddling pool for bathing. And be aware the stuff is lower.

You sound like you’re annoyed with him about a number of things, not just this. I don’t see the issue tbh. My children also don’t like showers, but there are ways to work around this (which other people have already suggested).

Why does he only parent on holidays or weekends? That’s the bigger issue, surely?

Dont cancel, send him with DD and stay at home. Let him find out what parenting actually means.

ETA the reason he is such a useless fucker is because you always clear up his fuck ups. So dont. You DD will be fine, not as happy as she would be with you but she will be fine. He on the other may learn something....or not.

Frankly I am wondering why you are still with him.

I think you’re spoiling for a flight. In that situation I’d prefer a bath but a shower won’t kill any of you and you have the option to bring a portable or travel bath (which is what I’d do). I think you’re blowing this out of proportion and could still have a lovely
break given you have leave booked.

Now, if the issue really is that your DH isn’t pulling his weight that is a separate discussion.

So many people saying "be grateful"

A) raise your bars
B) this is absolutely not about a holiday

I don’t see why an accessible lodge is worse than on non accessible one tbh. Yes, he got it wrong but you’ve got 2 choices - cancel and lose your money, or get a grip and go!

If you’re driving, you may possibly be packing stuff in those see through plastic crates. Big enough to use as a bath when you’ve unpacked. We once ended up in a place which only had a shower. Out came the empty crate, and was just fine to sit toddler in. Just place it in the shower, and fill up. Obviously had to present at all times.

It’s a pain of it has a wet room and is far away from the main activities

I think I’d just send him with your dc and stay home relaxing

If the only accommodation left is an accessible lodge obviously you are not depriving a disabled person from having a holiday. I can't think of any reason why it would be unsafe for your toddler - it's entirely possible that a family with young children requires accessible holiday accommodation. Your partner has made the booking so he can be responsible for bathing your toddler, as part of his holiday parenting.

Why are you so upset about it being an accessible lodge, other than the shower?

I think this is it, this incident purely on its own is frustrating but not worth cancelling over. But in the context you've given of he hardly ever does any actual parenting and this holiday was supposed to sort of mitigate that, then I can see how it feels like a very big deal. I think stick with the holiday but long term bigger things need addressing

Then he takes your daughter and you have a nice break at home.

Send him with your DD, you relax at home.

Oh come on, it is textbook passive aggressive to say 'why have you sent me the link to the wrong lodge', instead of asking if it is the one he has booked?

Regardless, OP has every right to be annoyed at her DP for many, many things.. the holiday accommodation is not one of them, seeing as there is nothing 'incorrect' about it. It's just not what OP would have booked, her only stipulation before he booked it though, is that it needed to be suitable for DD and it is.

Lots of people on here can't see an issue with an accessible lodge, and it wouldn't even cross my mind to reject it if it was the last one left, so I don't think her DP has done anything fundamentally wrong by booking it.

Sounds like there's a lot more at play that just him cocking up the holiday booking. Because you can manage DD in a shower, or use one of the blow up examples others have suggested and turn it into a fun holiday bathtime for her. Small basins surely can't be too much of a compromise other than an aesthetic - how big a bowl do you need for a wash or to brush your teeth? Also no-one will judge you for being in an accessible lodge - they won't even know.

Everything else about the holiday will be the same.

Perhaps this is just the last straw for you OP - maybe the truth is that you just don't want to go on holiday with him? If this is his usual way then frankly I don't blame you. He doesn't sound like much of a partner to you.

I get that it’s a pain in the neck and annoying of him to have fucked up.

I took my kids to a place like this when DS was small and didn’t like showers. I just showered him at the pool all week because, irrationally, those showers were somehow acceptable to him. But you could also bring a little fold up bath as others have said.

I think you have to separate the holiday from your DH being crap.

The holiday will be fine and you’ll have a nice time. Yes your DH will have to really pitch in to make it so, but make sure he does so.

You need to have a calm conversation about why things like this make you feel crappy and not listened to, and however else it is making you feel.

Make sure DP knows no outdoor shoes in the wetroom.. as it can track mud etc.. in and make it a bit horrid to use / feel yucky.

Hope you manage to have a nice time 🏖

Sorry OP. Must be not getting the backstory because this would be a disappointment but no more in my book. He’s an arse so isn’t this actually the problem rather than you not getting the right room at CP? It makes little odds to be honest. Even kids that hate showers can endure them a few days. Mine certainly did. Why would the room not be safe? I just don’t get it as I say, aside from the fact he’s not a nice guy, and I don’t know why you’re with him if this is the last straw.

I didn’t read it as she said this when he sent the accessible lodge details pretending not to understand it was what he’d booked.

I read it as he’d initially sent her details of the lodge she actually wanted, to pull the wool over her eyes.

I might be wrong though!