AIBU to refuse to stay here and cancel the trip?

[Una107]

Been looking forward to staying at a lodge (similar to centre parks style holiday). It’s not cheap and DP was rude at the time and said he was going to sort it. All I said is make sure it’s got everything toddler needs.

He then booked the lodge. I asked him to send me the link, which he did. Lots of space, baths, nice area of the site.

Turns out that he’s actually booked an accessible room. So there’s no bathrooms and DD absolutely hates showers so that will be a battle. It’s nowhere near the centre of the site due to accessibility and the layout and setting of the lodge is different so smaller basins etc.

I asked DP why he didn’t check this and why he sent me a link to the wrong lodge. I am saying we should now cancel or move the dates to a time they can book us to a standard lodge. He doesn’t think showering with DD is an issue (it will be me having to do it as he doesn’t parent unless it’s a weekend or holiday). This trip was meant to be for me to relax as I do literally everything at home every day while he works (and I work too).

AIBU to be so upset about this? I am willing to accept I might be, I’m pretty down at the moment generally and just feel the trip is ruined and really would rather re arrange.

Why would it be unsafe?

Who’s going to judge you - no one will know where you’re staying other than the bod on the gate/reception who hands over the key and they won’t care

I really don’t think it’s that big of a deal. Surely if you’d booked a standard lodge you wouldn’t be able to guarantee the exact location of it on the site and stuff like smaller basins don’t sound like a big thing. I know DD doesn’t like a shower but you could take a baby bath/small paddling pool to fill up or wash her in the kitchen sink depending on the size of it. It sounds like you’re honing in on this when your real issue is that you both work and you literally do everything at home, which is far bigger issue than an accessible lodge.

Sometimes I get annoyed at having to organise everything and then I remember it is because I am super particular about things like this. An accessible lodge in itself wouldn't bother me personally but I would be annoyed about location/features that were important to me and sounds like these are to you. I think you'd be best off focusing on getting him to do some actual parenting most of the time though and just take charge of holidays if stuff like this bothers you way more than him

The main issue is that he does fuck all, then eventually does do one small thing, and fucks that up.

Strategic incompetence and general lack of giving a shit about you, or doing a fair share of parenting.

That's the issue, not the shower.

I'd go, but just tell him he has to get her washed. And have a bigger conversation about why he feels entitled to do jack shit while you break your back being everyone's skivvy.

Wondered the same..

I think 'messing up the booking' is a bit harsh, there's nothing about using an accessible lodge that should be a problem, it would not even cross my mind that it would be a problem, so maybe he thinks the same way.

In theory I get what you are saying about people judging but realistically, anyone can book an accessible lodge, you may be recovering from surgery, or have an invisible disability, or many many other reasons to want one, no one will judge or care and most people probably wouldn't even know.. the site only care about filling their lodges, if they kept it only for people in wheelchairs to use it they may not even fill it.

It will be perfectly safe for DD, things may be lower down, but wherever you go on holiday you would have to toddler proof like you do at home, if anything they will have more room.

I’d be more upset about the fact he only parents at the weekend & on holidays tbh. Especially if you’re both working full time

whether or not the lodge has a bath would pail into insignificance

I would be annoyed. He had one job to do and messed up. The room might not have the features you hoped for eg relaxing bath. He was rude when he booked it. The whole thing is just predictable and deflating for you.

Holidays are precious. Do what you need to do to make it nice for yourself.

Apart from the lack of a bath, which you can address by taking a collapsible one (we had one), what is the problem with an accessible room?

I understand that he appears to be incompetent at booking holiday accommodation and a poor parent, but I’d still want to go to enjoy the trip. And if he thinks showering her is fine, he can do it. Simple!

I think the real issue is your husband is a generally incompetent fool and the lodge booking has pushed you over the edge. I think the lodge in and of itself will be fine, I’d let him manage the shower situation.

If someone needed it, it would already have been booked. You booked the last available, I believe you said.

Toddlers have great fun bathing in a curver box. That was our go to for camping.

Just go with the flow, but make DH step up and solve problems.

Do you not believe him when he says that it was the only one left?

I would normally assume that accessible lodges would be booked up by those who need them, but there are likely to be times when they aren't booked and are all that's left if no one else opts for them.

If it's full and he has rung to check, then you go or you don't.
You could make the most of it, tell your DS it's part of your holiday going in the shower and try to make it exciting.

How can an accessible lodge be unsafe?
I'm not seeing the problem here. Collapsible bath as countless others have suggested

I think you're being a bit precious. In future book it yourself and then you'll get what you want.

There’s obviously a back story here beat don’t really see the issue with accessible lodge. Sure the lack of bath is annoying but not insurmountable and your making a big thing out of it imo.

This trip was meant to be for me to relax as I do literally everything at home every day while he works (and I work too).

I'm sorry to be the one to say it but IMO holidays with toddlers are not relaxing, our DD is 5 now and relaxing holidays are a thing of the past. I'm the default parent at home (we both work too) and unsurprisingly she prefers to be with me all the time on holiday too.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE our holidays, but they are very different to what they were before and I miss the good old days sometimes where we could just sit and chill with ours dogs in the evening and read books, play cards, watch films etc without being 'needed' all the time.

You can still have a lovely time, but you may need to manage your expectations a little, or be very specific about what you need your DP to do while you are there so you do get a break.

Many years ago my DH bought tickets for our family of 7 to go to a pro football (US) game. We were all very excited. We didn't do too many things like that but had always said that there was no sense in going unless you had decent tickets. Imagine my surprise when I had to usher 5 children up into the stands to arrive at the VERY last row of a stadium that holds 82,000. When I finally caught my breath from climbing hundreds of stairs, I was livid. Each time one of our sons had to wee I had to take them down all the stairs again and back up(they would only go with me). It was awful. From then on there have been very few things I have done like that with him.

1. yes having an incompetent husband is an issue
2. nobody cares about you having an accessible lodge. They likely don’t know that’s the layout unless you invite them in and even if they did they wouldn’t be secretly trying to figure out if you have a hidden disability
3. Theres no reason it’s remotely unsafe.

You seem to be looking for problems. At first it was the location of the lodge and the lack of a bath. Now it’s because you may not be “allowed” the accessible lodge and it’s not safe. I would say go and he deals with any issues that arise.

We just took one of these to Greece as our toddler hates showers - she loved this

www.smythstoys.com/uk/en-gb/baby/bathing-changing-and-potty-training/baby-baths/ingenuity-tuckaway-travel-bath-tub/p/244564?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=12053229103&gbraid=0AAAAADF0j8Ij3YXgEhTZ43EkXNaOvdFXP&gclid=CjwKCAjw8uTQBhAdEiwAVvtJyrrSLyxXqtu9P3n01VYK9CBQXR-R6zUaR7gZPA8anicOY1YU3-vnIRoCELAQAvD_BwE

Shouldn't you be sick of the fact he doesn't parent?

I'd be more pissed off about a df who parents when it suits than no bath.

I wouldn't be annoyed at the accessible lodge but I do hate accessible rooms just because I don't understand why people think that disabled people have tiny hands to wash.

You'll be fine.You won't be judged.Just say you made a mistake if anyone asks.

Go and enjoy it. It sounds like you're a bit on edge about him, which is fine.But enjoy the holiday and deal with that later

You're being a drama queen

Why wouldn't it be safe?