AIBU not to answer the door about the neighbour's fence?

[Liesmorelies]

I don't think I am BU but I feel a bit uneasy about this for some reason.

I came in from a lunch out about an hour ago and went upstairs to open the curtains in my bedroom - the room is south facing so I have been keeping the curtains drawn and wanted to let some cool evening air in before bed tonight. When I opened the curtain my neighbour, who lives at a right angle to me, was in her back garden with someone and was pointing at my house at the moment I opened the curtain. It was a little awkward and we made brief eye contact so I immediately looked away.

I then came downstairs and shortly after there was a knock at the door. I ignored it and it was repeated a couple of times. I could see through the slatted blinds that it was two men. They walked up the drive and paused, then came back down and knocked again a couple of times before finally giving up and going.

I'm sure it was the same neighbour (her partner) who was pointing at my house. There is a fence that blew down a couple of months ago and the man came round to nail it up shortly after it fell as they have a dog. He said it would need replacing and I thought to myself I would probably offer to pay halves though I didn't say anything as I didn't want to commit myself and it was a week night and I was cooking dinner. I don't care about the fence as I have no dog and there is a bush there that gives privacy. I know from my deeds that I'm not responsible but I'm happy to pay halves if it's a reasonable price and they do all the work. But I don't want to discuss it tonight as I've had a bit to drink and it's not urgent to me. I also don't like that they were pointing at my house and were persistent in knocking. AIBU not to have answered?

Boy, some people really find life so tough.

😂

All the people on here who have never experienced anxiety. I have done this and still do sometimes(!) Just so you know: you definitely were being 'weird' (/ anxious) and it's something you need to work on. Facing things head on. Being assertive. But yeah, wish men would have a think and not knock on women's doors in pairs, ffs! They don't help.

Regarding the fence: why on earth are you going to offer half? You don't need or want it and you said it's not on your land, as per the deeds. So, if they want a fence on their land.. let them build and pay for one? That's so odd. Imagine it keeps blowing down. Are you going to keep paying half? Will you have any rights over it? I wouldn't be paying for that.

When I had my fence replaced, I popped round to the neighbours to let them know. I didn’t expect them to pay as it’s my fence but wanted to let them know when so they could secure their dog and because the guys might need to step on their garden. No issues. When the other side did theirs, they popped round to say its in hand (they rent) and they propped it up to secure our dog which I appreciated. These are normal neighbour interactions. No sweat. No need to avoid anyone. Your issue with the pointing is just weird. People gesture. It means nothing. Have you spoken to them since you posted?

Yes, it would be great to get an update 😆

I'd be thinking there was maybe something quite serious or important that they wanted to tell me - a problem with my house - a wasps' nest or maybe they someone suspicious hanging around while you were out ...

An update? No problem - we spoke over the fence a few days later and they said they are getting the fence permanently replaced and would need access when they do. I said my side gate can be opened from the outside and they can do that any time if I''m not in and they said ok, thanks. I didn't mention paying as they seemed to have it all sorted and I didn't get a sense that they were expecting me to (my deeds show no responsibility on any side, so if theirs are similar it might make sense for us to share). I also didn't get a sense they thought I was a raging weirdo or rude for not answering that night, and they also didn't seem annoyed. It's quite dull really but I have no idea why people were so outraged by this. Especially all the people acting like I've never opened my door and never will, even though I literally said in the OP I'd opened it last time they came and just didn't want to that particular night.

Not the least bit surprised by your update OP.

Unfortunately your thread drew the usual nasties that love to give an OP a kicking any chance they get.

You were not the least bit unreasonable not to answer your door if it didn't suit.

Good luck.

I don't understand why, if you were so sure your behaviour wasn't odd, you felt you had to make a thread asking others if it might be. If you were genuinely sure what you had done was fine, it wouldn't even have occurred to you to seek others' opinions.

From a fellow door unopener I assume 😂

I also don’t know what this thread was about, and I’m also not surprised by your update and you didn’t offer to contribute. Of course you don’t need to open your door when you see your neighbour knocking and know you’re in, and no when you bear no responsibility you don’t need to offer to contribute.

was your behaviour odd, yes of course, you were drunk and hiding from your neighbours, starting a thread on mumsnet asking if you were unreasonable and then arguing you were not, which seems utterly bizzare to me. Why ask.

I don't understand why, if you were so sure your behaviour wasn't odd, you felt you had to make a thread asking others if it might be.
Because she was drunk 😂

If you’re not responsible for the fence, don’t set a precedent to help towards the fence!

Next time they ask you, you that’s my fences, and that one is yours, now, please excuse, I have alot things to do.

I have no idea why people were so outraged by this. Especially all the people acting like I've never opened my door and never will, even though I literally said in the OP I'd opened it last time they came and just didn't want to that particular night.

I don't think anyone has been outraged.
People were
a) answering your question
b) pointing out that your neighbours were perfectly reasonable to want to mention it to you before beginning work and perfectly reasonable to have an expectation you would answer the door as you were not only in the house, but that you knew that they knew you were in the house.

Your update has proved everyone right. Your neighbours are perfectly reasonable people who just wanted to to be polite and mention it to you before doing work that means they might have to stand on your property briefly whilst it was being done. So absolutely no reason for you to have been so odd and awkward in the first place.

Don't burst the OP's bubble. She's almost convinced us all WE were being unreasonable.