Active discussions

Help end medical misogyny. Sign our petition.

Help end medical misogyny.
Sign our petition.

Sign the petition

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to answer the door about the neighbour's fence?

227 replies

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 19:40

I don't think I am BU but I feel a bit uneasy about this for some reason.

I came in from a lunch out about an hour ago and went upstairs to open the curtains in my bedroom - the room is south facing so I have been keeping the curtains drawn and wanted to let some cool evening air in before bed tonight. When I opened the curtain my neighbour, who lives at a right angle to me, was in her back garden with someone and was pointing at my house at the moment I opened the curtain. It was a little awkward and we made brief eye contact so I immediately looked away.

I then came downstairs and shortly after there was a knock at the door. I ignored it and it was repeated a couple of times. I could see through the slatted blinds that it was two men. They walked up the drive and paused, then came back down and knocked again a couple of times before finally giving up and going.

I'm sure it was the same neighbour (her partner) who was pointing at my house. There is a fence that blew down a couple of months ago and the man came round to nail it up shortly after it fell as they have a dog. He said it would need replacing and I thought to myself I would probably offer to pay halves though I didn't say anything as I didn't want to commit myself and it was a week night and I was cooking dinner. I don't care about the fence as I have no dog and there is a bush there that gives privacy. I know from my deeds that I'm not responsible but I'm happy to pay halves if it's a reasonable price and they do all the work. But I don't want to discuss it tonight as I've had a bit to drink and it's not urgent to me. I also don't like that they were pointing at my house and were persistent in knocking. AIBU not to have answered?

OP posts:
tiramisugelato · 30/05/2026 20:09

If you didn't behave weirdly and refuse to answer your door, they wouldn't have had to knock loads.

SparkyBlue · 30/05/2026 20:10

I’m sorry OP but what you’ve just posted makes you sound bonkers. It’s a very normal type of thing to happen especially this time of year when people get outdoor work done. The neighbour was in the garden chatting about work with a workman and happened to say “I’ll need to discuss it with Liesmorelies next door “ and gesticulated to your house and you happened to look out. Then they went to have a chat with you about it. I can’t get my head around why you are finding any of this odd. However based on what you’ve just posted they might have been telling the workman “we will have to try to humour the cranky cow next door”

MyLimeGuide · 30/05/2026 20:11

I totally understand and agree with you OP, homes should be private safe spaces they shouldn't keep.on knocking if its obvious, for whatever reason you dont want to answer

chirrupybird · 30/05/2026 20:13

If your fence is the other side you don't pay anything. But answer the door, do you have a chain if you are nervous about who is there?

MyArtfulGreySloth · 30/05/2026 20:13

IPM · 30/05/2026 19:54

No I wouldn’t.

Especially when I know it’s quite likely due to the fence 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

Why do they need to point at her house though? It is weird.

plsbekinddelicate · 30/05/2026 20:15

Oh my days. Feeling for the neighbours here tbh. If you didn’t want to discuss just open the window and say it’s not a good time can we chat tomorrow

lordbaddingham · 30/05/2026 20:15

It really is fine for your neighbour to point at your house. Although I'm not sure I would have been bothered about having a conversation about a fence on a Saturday night after a few drinks either.

KilkennyCats · 30/05/2026 20:15

MyLimeGuide · 30/05/2026 20:11

I totally understand and agree with you OP, homes should be private safe spaces they shouldn't keep.on knocking if its obvious, for whatever reason you dont want to answer

How do people like you get through the day?
Someone knocking on your door does not in any way violate your private, safe space.

onethousandandtwo · 30/05/2026 20:15

Some years ago I saw a group of sales people knocking on doors up and down the street. I was in my lounge in full view of anyone coming to the front door. A salesman knocked and I ignored it. He knocked again and then when I still didn't answer waved at me through the window. I shook my head and he made a please gesture.

I do think it's rude to keep knocking when it's clear you're not answering even when they know you're in.

Having said that if I thought it was about a shared fence I'm nosey enough to have answered just to learn the plan.

tiramisugelato · 30/05/2026 20:18

KilkennyCats · 30/05/2026 20:15

How do people like you get through the day?
Someone knocking on your door does not in any way violate your private, safe space.

Show quote history

This is MN where people leap behind their sofas when the doorbell rings, and hide in their cars to avoid speaking to their neighbours in the streets.

MrsSchadenfreude · 30/05/2026 20:18

People only knock persistently if you don’t answer the door! If they come round tomorrow, you could just say that you were in the shower so couldn’t answer. No need to go into details of bowel movements or give them reason to believe you are one of those odd people who don’t answer the door. Better hope they weren’t going to tell you that your chimney is about to fall down.

JustABean · 30/05/2026 20:20

Using excuses to be difficult, they saw you were in probably thought nip over and your looking like an awkward neighbour I wouldn't want to have tbh

IPM · 30/05/2026 20:21

MyArtfulGreySloth · 30/05/2026 20:13

Why do they need to point at her house though? It is weird.

Show quote history

Because they were obviously talking about the OP and/or her house 🤷‍♀️

IPM · 30/05/2026 20:24

MyLimeGuide · 30/05/2026 20:11

I totally understand and agree with you OP, homes should be private safe spaces they shouldn't keep.on knocking if its obvious, for whatever reason you dont want to answer

Lol

You make it sound like they shinned up her drainpipe and tried to climb through the window 🫣

G5000 · 30/05/2026 20:25

MyArtfulGreySloth · 30/05/2026 20:13

Why do they need to point at her house though? It is weird.

Show quote history

oh, you need access from neighbour's side? We should go check with her then (gestures in the direction of the house they are talking about). perfectly normal.

What is weird is to hide and ignore repeated knocking and then spend time wondering what they might have wanted.

MyLimeGuide · 30/05/2026 20:26

IPM · 30/05/2026 20:24

Lol

You make it sound like they shinned up her drainpipe and tried to climb through the window 🫣

Show quote history

😂

CandidRobin · 30/05/2026 20:27

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 19:54

But they only knew I was in because they were staring at the house when I opened the curtain, which is odd in itself. Just because someone is in doesn't mean they have to open the door. Why would you not conclude it's not a good time and go away before multiple knockings?

No, i would assume the person couldn't hear the knocking so would knock again. If it wasn't a good time, I'd imagine someone would open the door and say so. I'd be too embarrassed not to open the door when I knew they'd seen that I was in. Who knows, they may have noticed something about your property that they wanted to draw your attention to like missing roof tiles or something which could have explained the pointing.

MyLimeGuide · 30/05/2026 20:28

I think they should have written a letter to OP. Knocking on the door is imposing.

Original poster
Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 20:28

JustABean · 30/05/2026 20:20

Using excuses to be difficult, they saw you were in probably thought nip over and your looking like an awkward neighbour I wouldn't want to have tbh

Who cares what neighbour you'd want? I don't want neighbours pointing at my house, but hey. There's definitely nothing wrong with the house either, it will definitely be about the fence. And they have no reason to view me as a cranky cow - that's just a nasty and faintly misogynistic comment. I've spoken to them once - the time I opened the door while in the middle of cooking tea, and let the man into my garden to fix the fence so his garden was secure for his dog. not sure why that makes me the neighbour from hell.

OP posts:
Livpool · 30/05/2026 20:31

YABU

Mumsnet is notoriously weird about not answering the door

Original poster
Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 20:31

G5000 · 30/05/2026 20:25

oh, you need access from neighbour's side? We should go check with her then (gestures in the direction of the house they are talking about). perfectly normal.

What is weird is to hide and ignore repeated knocking and then spend time wondering what they might have wanted.

Show quote history

I haven't spent time wondering what they wanted. I know what they almost certainly wanted - to talk about the fence - and think it's rude they tried to insist on talking about it tonight when I really don't want to.

OP posts:
LaliqueSaltGrinder · 30/05/2026 20:33

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 19:50

Well, yes. If you opened your curtains to find a neighbour pointing up at your house wouldn't you find it a bit strange? And followed by persistent knocking at the door even more so?

I did this to my neighbour to tell her that a tile had flown off her roof and was lying in my garden.

The absolute obssession around not answering your door is so weird. Just SPEAK TO PEOPLE.

KilkennyCats · 30/05/2026 20:35

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 20:31

I haven't spent time wondering what they wanted. I know what they almost certainly wanted - to talk about the fence - and think it's rude they tried to insist on talking about it tonight when I really don't want to.

Show quote history

You sound absolutely ridiculous.
Of course it wasn’t rude of them to try to discuss just because you didn’t want to! How would they have known this?
If you’d opened the flaming door and told them they’d have gone on their merry way.

tiramisugelato · 30/05/2026 20:35

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 20:31

I haven't spent time wondering what they wanted. I know what they almost certainly wanted - to talk about the fence - and think it's rude they tried to insist on talking about it tonight when I really don't want to.

Show quote history

How are they supposed to know you don't want to unless you answer the door and tell them 😂

TheGoodEnoughWife · 30/05/2026 20:36

Am sure as the neighbour has a dog they want to get the fence sorted and probably the people fixing the fence were knocking out of courtesy. To not answer is just a bit off. Little hassle to you but gets them on the way to it being fixed. You behaved awkwardly and a bit annoying to be honest.