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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to answer the door about the neighbour's fence?

227 replies

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 19:40

I don't think I am BU but I feel a bit uneasy about this for some reason.

I came in from a lunch out about an hour ago and went upstairs to open the curtains in my bedroom - the room is south facing so I have been keeping the curtains drawn and wanted to let some cool evening air in before bed tonight. When I opened the curtain my neighbour, who lives at a right angle to me, was in her back garden with someone and was pointing at my house at the moment I opened the curtain. It was a little awkward and we made brief eye contact so I immediately looked away.

I then came downstairs and shortly after there was a knock at the door. I ignored it and it was repeated a couple of times. I could see through the slatted blinds that it was two men. They walked up the drive and paused, then came back down and knocked again a couple of times before finally giving up and going.

I'm sure it was the same neighbour (her partner) who was pointing at my house. There is a fence that blew down a couple of months ago and the man came round to nail it up shortly after it fell as they have a dog. He said it would need replacing and I thought to myself I would probably offer to pay halves though I didn't say anything as I didn't want to commit myself and it was a week night and I was cooking dinner. I don't care about the fence as I have no dog and there is a bush there that gives privacy. I know from my deeds that I'm not responsible but I'm happy to pay halves if it's a reasonable price and they do all the work. But I don't want to discuss it tonight as I've had a bit to drink and it's not urgent to me. I also don't like that they were pointing at my house and were persistent in knocking. AIBU not to have answered?

OP posts:
Inmyuggs · 30/05/2026 21:37

Better to deal with it than avoid it because as a responsible dog owner thry want to secure the yard.
Qhy not go over and get it sorted.
You will offer to pay half.
Pointing i would of waved back.

HelenaWaiting · 30/05/2026 21:38

AgnesMcDoo · 30/05/2026 20:58

Much better to start a thread on the internet to discuss this with strangers than have a grown up adult conversation with your neighbour

Edited

Unless I misunderstood, it wasn't her neighbour at the door though. It was two randoms. If it was about the fence, that's pretty rude, imo. The neighbour should be speaking to her directly, not sending workmen round.

chillyputsomesockson · 30/05/2026 21:40

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 21:34

It's not a mutual problem.

So just tell them that you’re not bothered about a fence, if they want to put one up their side then they should go ahead. They’re only being polite to see if you have any opinion on it. Seriously op you sound like very hard work.

TeenLifeMum · 30/05/2026 21:41

Oh my life, you were home and someone knocked on your door. Normal response is to open it, have a brief conversation then say goodbye and close the door. Mn is so odd about social norms.

KilkennyCats · 30/05/2026 21:41

chillyputsomesockson · 30/05/2026 21:40

So just tell them that you’re not bothered about a fence, if they want to put one up their side then they should go ahead. They’re only being polite to see if you have any opinion on it. Seriously op you sound like very hard work.

Show quote history

They probably just want permission to enter her garden to do the work.

Withthe2Ls · 30/05/2026 21:42

😂😂😂😂😂😂
I enjoyed this. Think that drink went a little to your head tonight to feel you need to tell MN you didn’t aster a knock at your door. FFS

viques · 30/05/2026 21:43

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 19:54

But they only knew I was in because they were staring at the house when I opened the curtain, which is odd in itself. Just because someone is in doesn't mean they have to open the door. Why would you not conclude it's not a good time and go away before multiple knockings?

Because I am not psychic.

I would probably think “oh she’s stuck on the loo poor soul, must be really constipated.”

Rather than “that’s odd I saw her a minute ago, hope she is just being weird and hasn’t fallen downstairs and broken her neck.”

Notsosweetcaroline · 30/05/2026 21:49

TeenLifeMum · 30/05/2026 21:41

Oh my life, you were home and someone knocked on your door. Normal response is to open it, have a brief conversation then say goodbye and close the door. Mn is so odd about social norms.

I know in real,life, see neighbour pointing at your house, wave, smile, whatever.
neighbour knocks at door. , answer it deal with it pleasantly or say you will pop round tomorrow.

on mumsnet.

see neighbour pointing at house, quickly look away.feel awkward. Neighbour knocks at door. Hide, don’t answer it, watch them from your hiding spot. Start a thread on mumsnet to ask opinion on uour behaviour and take issue as you don’t like people pointing at your house and angrily demand neighbour should have telepathically known you were hiding and watching them and didn’t want to answer. And why .

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 30/05/2026 22:03

youalright · 30/05/2026 21:32

Not at all i was pointing at multiple neighbours houses earlier today as I was talking to a friend about what style of windows me and partner have been discussing and was pointing at the neighbours windows I liked and didn't like

Show quote history

You absolute hellhound.

One of the neighbours has slightly annoyed me recently.

Tomorrow, I'm going to stand in the middle of the cul de sac, and point silently and menacingly at his house.

Just to mess with him.

21ZIGGY · 30/05/2026 22:06

Batshit

hahabahbag · 30/05/2026 22:11

They were probably pointing to your house to tell the contractor giving them an estimate which house they back onto, he then came to know to tell you that they were proceeding with the work and perhaps because they needed access into your garden to install the fence, they would seek permission to do so and check dates when you can accommodate this. All this over them indicating which house a boundary is with!

LivingTheDreamish · 30/05/2026 22:11

I think it's totally okay to not answer the door to two men you don't know if it's not a good time for you to engage.

RapunzelHadExtensions · 30/05/2026 22:12

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 30/05/2026 20:09

Good grief. If you’d just answered the door you’d know what it was all about! Who knows why they were pointing, perhaps they like your windows? Who knows? Who cares. I despair with some of the ridiculous behaviour on MN.

It's mad isn't it 😂

BudgetBuster · 30/05/2026 22:12

LivingTheDreamish · 30/05/2026 22:11

I think it's totally okay to not answer the door to two men you don't know if it's not a good time for you to engage.

One of the men was her neighbour...

GardenCovent · 30/05/2026 22:16

SmoothCollie · 30/05/2026 19:46

All this over a knock on the door. This website is like a different world.

This.
I’ve never know anyone in real life that acts like mumsnetters who refuse to open their door if the caller hasn’t put the request in writing 28 days prior.
Just bizarre

Original poster
Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 22:18

As I said in the OP, I could only see that the door knockers were 2 men, not who they were. I am assuming one of them was the neighbour but I don't know for sure.

OP posts:
elfendom1 · 30/05/2026 22:21

you don't have to answer the door if you don't feel like it. Don't worry about it.

Applecup · 30/05/2026 22:41

Absolutely bonkers

CombatBarbie · 30/05/2026 22:51

Could they have been insurance surveyors??? They clearly knew you were in and you acted like a.weirdo and dont want to have to come out again. It would prob have been a 3 min conversation.

We need to replace the fence but will need access to.your side in order to do so....

Ok yes thats fine.

Job done.

But I find people who dont open doors when they are knocked on kinda weird anyway.

HomeSeeker2025 · 30/05/2026 22:59

Unhinged behaviour! So glad my neighbours are fairly normal!

suki1964 · 30/05/2026 23:07

Only on MN is it normal not to open the door to a ring or knock

In my world I answer the door, - salesman - sorry not interested , bye - neightbour - hear them out and then decide course of action - invite in for a cuppa, say you have caught me at a bad time, let me get back to you - but I answer the flipping door

Original poster
Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 23:16

Only on Mumsnet is it sometimes not convenient not to answer the door? Ok then. People congratulating themselves on answering the door - has there never ever been a time when you didn't for some reason? I said I answered it last time so why the need to explain how great it is answering the door as if I've never done it? I've definitely knocked the doors of people I've been pretty sure have been in but got no reply. I've just assumed they were busy and gone back the next day without labelling them weird, hard work, cows or hags.

OP posts:
RumPidgeon · 30/05/2026 23:18

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 19:54

But they only knew I was in because they were staring at the house when I opened the curtain, which is odd in itself. Just because someone is in doesn't mean they have to open the door. Why would you not conclude it's not a good time and go away before multiple knockings?

Why did you come on here and can’t accept the majority of the responses stating you were being unreasonable??

Okay so you had a drink but my God why couldn’t you just open the door and let them have a quick chat? Drop your neighbour a little note stating you weren’t able to respond when the workmen knocked but are available xyz and leave your number so no one knocks on your door. MN is wild sometimes.. 😳🤯

RaininSummer · 30/05/2026 23:34

Seems quite weird to me not to answer especially as they knew you were home.

OneNavyPoster · 30/05/2026 23:37

Perfectly reasonable to not answer the door. Your house, your rules. You could have gone to bed with a migraine, run a bath, be on a long distance phone call, working, just not want to talk to people now... and a million other completely rational reasons.

I would always go round with a note so if the door isn't answered I can leave a note instead, so no guesswork. No one has the right to come and round and keep knocking and demand that you answer them. You have the right to privacy in your own home.