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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to answer the door about the neighbour's fence?

227 replies

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 19:40

I don't think I am BU but I feel a bit uneasy about this for some reason.

I came in from a lunch out about an hour ago and went upstairs to open the curtains in my bedroom - the room is south facing so I have been keeping the curtains drawn and wanted to let some cool evening air in before bed tonight. When I opened the curtain my neighbour, who lives at a right angle to me, was in her back garden with someone and was pointing at my house at the moment I opened the curtain. It was a little awkward and we made brief eye contact so I immediately looked away.

I then came downstairs and shortly after there was a knock at the door. I ignored it and it was repeated a couple of times. I could see through the slatted blinds that it was two men. They walked up the drive and paused, then came back down and knocked again a couple of times before finally giving up and going.

I'm sure it was the same neighbour (her partner) who was pointing at my house. There is a fence that blew down a couple of months ago and the man came round to nail it up shortly after it fell as they have a dog. He said it would need replacing and I thought to myself I would probably offer to pay halves though I didn't say anything as I didn't want to commit myself and it was a week night and I was cooking dinner. I don't care about the fence as I have no dog and there is a bush there that gives privacy. I know from my deeds that I'm not responsible but I'm happy to pay halves if it's a reasonable price and they do all the work. But I don't want to discuss it tonight as I've had a bit to drink and it's not urgent to me. I also don't like that they were pointing at my house and were persistent in knocking. AIBU not to have answered?

OP posts:
SmoothCollie · 30/05/2026 19:46

All this over a knock on the door. This website is like a different world.

IPM · 30/05/2026 19:48

I’m sorry but this makes you come across as a bit strange. ‘You don’t like that they were pointing at your house’ Lol.

It would’ve taken you less time to answer the door than to make this thread.

But each to their own I guess.

Original poster
Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 19:50

Well, yes. If you opened your curtains to find a neighbour pointing up at your house wouldn't you find it a bit strange? And followed by persistent knocking at the door even more so?

OP posts:
Nourishinghandcream · 30/05/2026 19:51

It's MN.
Of course you don't answer the door, far better to wonder who they were and what they wanted.....😖

Personally I would have answered and if it was not something you wanted to discus tonight, ask them to come back tomorrow while firmly shutting the door.
Otherwise, discuss whatever it is and come to a resolution.🙂

Unfortunatelynot · 30/05/2026 19:52

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 19:50

Well, yes. If you opened your curtains to find a neighbour pointing up at your house wouldn't you find it a bit strange? And followed by persistent knocking at the door even more so?

The knew you were in the house though. They weren’t being strange. Also it has been a few months.

NotMeAtAll · 30/05/2026 19:52

If they knew you were in, their persistent knocking is no weirder than not answering the door. Of course you're perfectly entitled not to answer the door.

KilkennyCats · 30/05/2026 19:53

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 19:50

Well, yes. If you opened your curtains to find a neighbour pointing up at your house wouldn't you find it a bit strange? And followed by persistent knocking at the door even more so?

But you already know it’s about the fence 🙄
And they saw you at the window, so they know you’re home. Why act like a total weirdo?

IPM · 30/05/2026 19:54

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 19:50

Well, yes. If you opened your curtains to find a neighbour pointing up at your house wouldn't you find it a bit strange? And followed by persistent knocking at the door even more so?

No I wouldn’t.

Especially when I know it’s quite likely due to the fence 🤷‍♀️

MandemChickenShop · 30/05/2026 19:54

Hi liesmorelies, just checking it's okay to fix the fence tomorrow, might need to access your side. Probably start about 10am.

ReignOfError · 30/05/2026 19:54

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 19:50

Well, yes. If you opened your curtains to find a neighbour pointing up at your house wouldn't you find it a bit strange? And followed by persistent knocking at the door even more so?

They wouldn’t have had to knock persistently if you’d opened the door the first time.

Bizarre behaviour on your part.

Original poster
Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 19:54

But they only knew I was in because they were staring at the house when I opened the curtain, which is odd in itself. Just because someone is in doesn't mean they have to open the door. Why would you not conclude it's not a good time and go away before multiple knockings?

OP posts:
BudgetBuster · 30/05/2026 19:55

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 19:54

But they only knew I was in because they were staring at the house when I opened the curtain, which is odd in itself. Just because someone is in doesn't mean they have to open the door. Why would you not conclude it's not a good time and go away before multiple knockings?

But sure you were looking at them when you opened the curtains 😂

IPM · 30/05/2026 19:56

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 19:54

But they only knew I was in because they were staring at the house when I opened the curtain, which is odd in itself. Just because someone is in doesn't mean they have to open the door. Why would you not conclude it's not a good time and go away before multiple knockings?

Why wouldn’t you just not be weird? 🤔

8misskitty8 · 30/05/2026 19:56

Could be anything.
They maybe just want to tell you its getting replaced and can they come into your garden to attach planks or something.
Or they think you should pay for it.
Unless you answer the door, you'll never know.

fiveturds · 30/05/2026 19:56

Yabu
they are trying to sort a basic problem out
amd you are being difficult

Nourishinghandcream · 30/05/2026 19:56

Best time to knock is when you know someone is in.
Maybe they had knocked before when you were at lunch?
They were probably looking at the house when you opened the curtains and thought "now is a good time to go around".

If they knock tomorrow, explain it away by saying you had a terrible case of the runs and could not make it to the door with a toilet strapped to your backside.💩

Original poster
Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 19:57

BudgetBuster · 30/05/2026 19:55

But sure you were looking at them when you opened the curtains 😂

Show quote history

omg - I don't open the curtains with my eyes shut. I had to be looking somewhere and I saw them - pointing at my house with a stranger. But that's fine apparently.
I think persistent knocking is incredibly rude.

OP posts:
Bristolandlazy · 30/05/2026 19:57

Maybe they need to talk to you urgently or assume you can't hear given they know you're there but didn't answer the door. You could of just been polite and said no thanks if they were trying to talk to you about something you didn't want to talk about. I don't get the big deal.

MissAmbrosia · 30/05/2026 19:59

Christ on a bike, why can noone have a simple conversation about anything anymore? We have a massive ivy infestation in the garden of our new place. DH has been cutting it back on our side and revealed a very damaged wall and fence. So we will be wanting to discuss with the blinking neighbours about acceptable solutions. I hope they don't hide from us. Currently we have a foreign car so are probably terrifying.

Original poster
Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 20:00

Nourishinghandcream · 30/05/2026 19:56

Best time to knock is when you know someone is in.
Maybe they had knocked before when you were at lunch?
They were probably looking at the house when you opened the curtains and thought "now is a good time to go around".

If they knock tomorrow, explain it away by saying you had a terrible case of the runs and could not make it to the door with a toilet strapped to your backside.💩

Yes, I'll definitely say this. Thanks 👏

OP posts:
BudgetBuster · 30/05/2026 20:03

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 19:57

omg - I don't open the curtains with my eyes shut. I had to be looking somewhere and I saw them - pointing at my house with a stranger. But that's fine apparently.
I think persistent knocking is incredibly rude.

Show quote history

😂 You had to be looking somewhere which happened to be right at them in their garden.

The fact they were pointing at the house would actually make me think there was a problem with my house like the roof or guttering and they were popping round to tell me.

And no, knocking when they know you are in is not incredibly rude. Tbh I'd lay off the drink if you felt too drunk to answer the door.

Sidebeforeself · 30/05/2026 20:04

Neighbours looking at house… shock horror! They might have spotted something wrong with your roof or something like that?! And they only persisted with knocking because they knew you were in and probably thought you hadn’t heard them. Why you would choose to take offence at this I don’t know unless you really have had quite a bit to drink

Sunisgettinganewhaton · 30/05/2026 20:05

Remember if they have the ddog it's up to them to keep it out of your garden not you.

HaveYouFedTheFish · 30/05/2026 20:06

Liesmorelies · 30/05/2026 19:54

But they only knew I was in because they were staring at the house when I opened the curtain, which is odd in itself. Just because someone is in doesn't mean they have to open the door. Why would you not conclude it's not a good time and go away before multiple knockings?

They were probably pointing at your house to say "That's the house the fence is shared with" in order to knock on the correct door - you explained it's not a straight row of houses with a neighbour each side.

I've only encountered the not answering the door when you're in, don't live somewhere seriously dodgy, and it's not very late or extremely early (i.e. you weren't ready for bed) on Mumsnet, and I'm not young and have lived in multiple different places, from a not great area of London to a town in Asia to a rural village in mainland Europe. I've never encountered people who are obviously in not answering the door at ordinary times of day. If people take a minute it's probably because they were on the toilet in the middle of something or are less mobile and take a minute to get up and to the door - my elderly parents wouldn't be happy if people who'd seen they were in didn't wait for them to get to the door, for example.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 30/05/2026 20:09

Good grief. If you’d just answered the door you’d know what it was all about! Who knows why they were pointing, perhaps they like your windows? Who knows? Who cares. I despair with some of the ridiculous behaviour on MN.