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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DP returned steaming on first night out after baby

235 replies

Elz23 · 24/04/2026 22:02

DP and I have a 3 week old DC. Tonight was the first chance he has had to see his friends to ‘wet the baby’s head’ as it has been so full on. He said he’d be a couple of hours at most, meeting them at our local pub at 4 once they’d finished work.

He turned up an hour ago, having not got back to my messages asking where he was. He said his phone died, but he is steaming drunk. He crashed in waking DC, who I’d spent ages getting to fall asleep. He’s got a stain on the back of his beige shorts (it looks like shit) and has spent most of the time since he got home locked in the bathroom complaining about his stomach. He’s told me he had 8 pints and shots, as people kept buying them for him.

He says he needed that blow out after the last few weeks and that he will happily let me do the same when I want to. I’ve told him I don’t feel ready for that. He says two of his friends went out earlier than him when they became dad’s. Am I wrong to find this excessive so early on?

OP posts:
LiteraryBambi · 24/04/2026 22:04

If he's generally a good guy then let it go. He didn't get back late, although the shit stain would give me the ick.

Hopefully he learns his lesson and takes it slower next time.

And you will go when you're ready.

ProudAmberTurtle · 24/04/2026 22:05

He's shitting himself after three weeks - not great but could be worse

Fupoffyagrasshole · 24/04/2026 22:05

Ah I know it’s hard op and I can totally remember how unfair it felt with my newborns and how he could be more free sooner than me

but I’d say he just got excited and carried away

id let this one slide and hopefully it’s not a pattern

I went out when my daughter was 1 first time and got super carried away like black out drunk and was dead sick (probably cus my tolerance was super low) and I felt so bad about it for ages.

MurphyMcMurphy · 24/04/2026 22:06

I would have said you were being unreasonable, but then I got to the bit where he shat his pants 😯

Alwaysthesameoldstory · 24/04/2026 22:10

I honestly thought " wetting the babies head" was a thing of the past.

How on earth does getting steaming with his pals have anything to do with welcoming a precious baby into the world?He is a family man with responsibilities -the time for drunken binges belong, if at all, in the days of being single and child free.

I would be extremely disgusted with him OP. What will his next excuse for getting steaming be ?

slipperypenguin · 24/04/2026 22:11

If it’s a one off just let it go

EdinaMonsoonsWardrobe · 24/04/2026 22:12

🤣🤣🤣

cadburyegg · 24/04/2026 22:13

I think that’s grim tbh

Namechangedforthisoneyep · 24/04/2026 22:14

ProudAmberTurtle · 24/04/2026 22:05

He's shitting himself after three weeks - not great but could be worse

Sorry but the tone of this comment made me chuckle so much 🤣🤣🤣

Rockchick01 · 24/04/2026 22:14

Let it go.

lucyloo25 · 24/04/2026 22:15

Blimey give him a break, your lives have been turned upside down with a baby, cant he let go for one night???

Needaglowup · 24/04/2026 22:16

Alwaysthesameoldstory · 24/04/2026 22:10

I honestly thought " wetting the babies head" was a thing of the past.

How on earth does getting steaming with his pals have anything to do with welcoming a precious baby into the world?He is a family man with responsibilities -the time for drunken binges belong, if at all, in the days of being single and child free.

I would be extremely disgusted with him OP. What will his next excuse for getting steaming be ?

O behave with the pearl clutching .. first child he’s celebrated. It sounds like a one off

Oricolt · 24/04/2026 22:16

I don't think it's unreasonable of him to get bladdered.

I could not get past shitting himself. Ick.

JipJup · 24/04/2026 22:17

Why do MNetter’s husbands always ‘crash’ through doors when they’re drunk?

And how have I made it to my late 50s without ever seeing anyone do this??

TenTenTenAgain · 24/04/2026 22:17

What's he normally like around alcohol op?

Mistymaglets · 24/04/2026 22:17

With a tiny baby, one shitty arse is enough to contend with.

Notashamed13 · 24/04/2026 22:17

Personally I think YABU.......remember remember remember......he now owes you one!

EstrellaPolar · 24/04/2026 22:18

I’m at the uptight end of the “how chill are you as a person” scale so that would be a no from me. Ugh. I have perhaps unusually high expectations of myself and those around me so I would not be ok with my partner and child’s father doing that.

Imisscoffee2021 · 24/04/2026 22:20

Ah the comparison game. My sisters husband does the same when she's angry at something he's done "hey I do way more round her than x friend" etc.

BewareoftheLambs · 24/04/2026 22:23

Sounds like another man who forgot to grow up. Getting a bit drunk is one thing, but that just sounds ridiculous.

Candy24 · 24/04/2026 22:23

No getting drunk is a big no from me. As a parent it is not acceptable behaviour.

wahwahwoo · 24/04/2026 22:33

Amazed by the people who think this is OK. British drinking culture is bonkers. He had 8 pints and shat himself; this isn’t normal.

YANBU. 3 weeks is nothing. He sounds incredibly immature. Does he have a drinking problem?

ComtesseDeSpair · 24/04/2026 22:34

Out at 4pm, back by 9pm: on that basis I’d let it go this once, and pick your battles. He got carried away because his friends kept the drinks on coming, just make it clear it isn’t to be repeated.

Happyjoe · 24/04/2026 22:39

If he's mucking in, being a good dad so far then let it go if the once. Apart from the dodgy looking pants! Threaten him with a nappy for future...

And for sure take him up on the offer of away time when you are ready!

DialSquare · 24/04/2026 22:40

lucyloo25 · 24/04/2026 22:15

Blimey give him a break, your lives have been turned upside down with a baby, cant he let go for one night???

He certainly did let go!

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