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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DP returned steaming on first night out after baby

260 replies

Elz23 · 24/04/2026 22:02

DP and I have a 3 week old DC. Tonight was the first chance he has had to see his friends to ‘wet the baby’s head’ as it has been so full on. He said he’d be a couple of hours at most, meeting them at our local pub at 4 once they’d finished work.

He turned up an hour ago, having not got back to my messages asking where he was. He said his phone died, but he is steaming drunk. He crashed in waking DC, who I’d spent ages getting to fall asleep. He’s got a stain on the back of his beige shorts (it looks like shit) and has spent most of the time since he got home locked in the bathroom complaining about his stomach. He’s told me he had 8 pints and shots, as people kept buying them for him.

He says he needed that blow out after the last few weeks and that he will happily let me do the same when I want to. I’ve told him I don’t feel ready for that. He says two of his friends went out earlier than him when they became dad’s. Am I wrong to find this excessive so early on?

OP posts:
Thechaseison71 · 27/04/2026 11:33

SpryTaupeTurtle · 27/04/2026 10:57

You're assuming she either doesn't work or has a low paid job

Well shed have to return to work PDQ to support herself

SpryTaupeTurtle · 27/04/2026 11:33

QuintadosMalvados · 27/04/2026 11:29

No. I don't think that he should actually.
There's nothing really to 'reflect' on.

Man's wife has baby. His friends get him bladdered.
He's a bit worse for wear as a result of it.

Maybe OP should be reflecting on how she could not predict that this was the inevitable outcome when I believe most people would be able to forsee it.

Not that she necessarily should, of course, but to me and others here, him returning home pissed would be a given knowing that this event was to 'wet the baby's head.'

'Oh they're likely to get him very drunk, at some point he'll come home pissed and pass out.
Never mind it's a one-off, he's otherwise a good husband, I'll let it pass provided I can also let my hair down at some point - which I can. '

No one needs to wet the baby's head. It's 2026. It's just an excuse for a group of men to get drunk

So him coming in falling over drunk and having stains on his clothes and his phone being off is fine

It's never a good idea to be out and get in a state where you can't stand up - for lots of reasons.

Maybe she doesn't want to go out and get blazing drunk to celebrate the fact that she's just had a baby

SpryTaupeTurtle · 27/04/2026 11:33

Thechaseison71 · 27/04/2026 11:33

Well shed have to return to work PDQ to support herself

Which some women do

Thechaseison71 · 27/04/2026 11:38

SpryTaupeTurtle · 27/04/2026 11:33

Which some women do

Yes agreed. I was one of them. But with a husband earning she might take a year off. Without that it might be 4 months

So if she wanted the extended time off she either needs husband or benefits

QuintadosMalvados · 27/04/2026 11:49

SpryTaupeTurtle · 27/04/2026 11:33

No one needs to wet the baby's head. It's 2026. It's just an excuse for a group of men to get drunk

So him coming in falling over drunk and having stains on his clothes and his phone being off is fine

It's never a good idea to be out and get in a state where you can't stand up - for lots of reasons.

Maybe she doesn't want to go out and get blazing drunk to celebrate the fact that she's just had a baby

Look you're obviously very puritanical.
I'm not.
Obviously if he did this all the time it would not be acceptable, but it's a one-off.
I do think that in the real world in happy, successful marriages, this sort of thing is written off.

Battles are picked and that, imo, this is not the hill I'd choose to die on.

And unless she goes back to work very soon, she needs to be on benefits or have her husband's income.

I'm also not snagging off single mothers, nor am I saying it's best for a child to live in an abusive environment with warring parents - not at all. Absolutely not.
I do, however, think it's best for a child to be raised with two essentially good but perhaps a little imperfect parents than not.

I've nothing more to say.

SpryTaupeTurtle · 27/04/2026 12:32

QuintadosMalvados · 27/04/2026 11:49

Look you're obviously very puritanical.
I'm not.
Obviously if he did this all the time it would not be acceptable, but it's a one-off.
I do think that in the real world in happy, successful marriages, this sort of thing is written off.

Battles are picked and that, imo, this is not the hill I'd choose to die on.

And unless she goes back to work very soon, she needs to be on benefits or have her husband's income.

I'm also not snagging off single mothers, nor am I saying it's best for a child to live in an abusive environment with warring parents - not at all. Absolutely not.
I do, however, think it's best for a child to be raised with two essentially good but perhaps a little imperfect parents than not.

I've nothing more to say.

Oh look. Out come the insults. I'm single by the way. There's no husband in my life suffering because I'm "puritanical". I'm not puritanical in the slightest. What an absurd thing to say. I didn't once say she should leave him or divorce him either. I just don't think rolling around in muck or shitting your pants when you have a three week old baby is very appealing - and if someone gets in that state - we are talking about binge drinking here - potentially 30 units of alcohol in one night - that's someone putting themselves at risk. Male or female.

Good.

Peanutbutteryday · 27/04/2026 12:51

This is up there with one of the melt bizarre threads I’ve ever read 😂 obviously getting battered 21 days post partum is not great. Obviously it doesn’t mean you need to divorce.

Lennon80 · 27/04/2026 21:36

Presume this is your first baby - brace yourself the disappointments start now and you realise it’s your baby not his!

1HappyTraveller · 28/04/2026 20:11

Elz23 · 24/04/2026 22:02

DP and I have a 3 week old DC. Tonight was the first chance he has had to see his friends to ‘wet the baby’s head’ as it has been so full on. He said he’d be a couple of hours at most, meeting them at our local pub at 4 once they’d finished work.

He turned up an hour ago, having not got back to my messages asking where he was. He said his phone died, but he is steaming drunk. He crashed in waking DC, who I’d spent ages getting to fall asleep. He’s got a stain on the back of his beige shorts (it looks like shit) and has spent most of the time since he got home locked in the bathroom complaining about his stomach. He’s told me he had 8 pints and shots, as people kept buying them for him.

He says he needed that blow out after the last few weeks and that he will happily let me do the same when I want to. I’ve told him I don’t feel ready for that. He says two of his friends went out earlier than him when they became dad’s. Am I wrong to find this excessive so early on?

He’s selfish.

It’s been a full on three weeks for you too OP, but you’re not going out getting smashed, coming and shitting yourself. And then waking the baby up.

Honestly his timing is so poor on all fronts. Everyone telling you to lighten up have either forgotten what it’s like to have a baby those early weeks, or the bar they hold for men is so disappointingly low.

Papoy · 03/05/2026 20:01

What an irresponsible behaviour .... From him and his so called friends.

You have a 3 week old baby, a drink yes, two yes ....but getting drunk like that absolutely no !!

What if you have an emergency, need help ... Not only he made himself unavailable and then returned in a useless state (can't drive or be left in charge of the baby) ...

Yellow flag from me !!! + the audacity of giving permission to you going and out and doing it so it is a normal thing....

How old is he ?

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