Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DP returned steaming on first night out after baby

233 replies

Elz23 · 24/04/2026 22:02

DP and I have a 3 week old DC. Tonight was the first chance he has had to see his friends to ‘wet the baby’s head’ as it has been so full on. He said he’d be a couple of hours at most, meeting them at our local pub at 4 once they’d finished work.

He turned up an hour ago, having not got back to my messages asking where he was. He said his phone died, but he is steaming drunk. He crashed in waking DC, who I’d spent ages getting to fall asleep. He’s got a stain on the back of his beige shorts (it looks like shit) and has spent most of the time since he got home locked in the bathroom complaining about his stomach. He’s told me he had 8 pints and shots, as people kept buying them for him.

He says he needed that blow out after the last few weeks and that he will happily let me do the same when I want to. I’ve told him I don’t feel ready for that. He says two of his friends went out earlier than him when they became dad’s. Am I wrong to find this excessive so early on?

OP posts:
Elz23 · 24/04/2026 22:43

Thanks for the replies, I can see I am probably being a bit OTT.

OP posts:
Alwaysthesameoldstory · 24/04/2026 22:43

Needaglowup · 24/04/2026 22:16

O behave with the pearl clutching .. first child he’s celebrated. It sounds like a one off

pearl clutching ! Why oh why do posters trot out this ridiculous sneering expression when somebody voices an opinion they don't like?

How is getting off your head drumk appropriate for celebrating the birth of. your child? He didn't even care enough about his child not to wake him when he came crashing into his home. Not the act of someone who.cares about his child or his child's mother.

How do you know it' s a one off? Perhaps it's the first time he has got drunk since the birth of his baby but you know nothing about his drinking habits..

liveforsummer · 24/04/2026 22:46

If he’d stayed out all night then might be different. Yanbu to be annoyed but home by 9pm
and everyone buying him drinks he probably found hard to refuse. I’d probably cut him some slack

TheChosenTwo · 24/04/2026 22:46

5 hours out with his friends - I’d not be mad about it. The being loud and moaning about his stomach when he got back - I’d be telling him to keep it down and stop whining. As for shitting himself, you yourself don’t seem 100% sure that’s what the mark on his shorts are but combined with the moaning about his stomach it’s possible!
8 pints and shots is a lot but if he’s generally a good partner etc I’d see this for what it is, letting go a bit (a lot!) and having fun. It’s much easier for men to pick up their lives after having a baby, for one thing they’re not physically recovering from birth. I remember crying when dc3 was a few days old when dh was telling me about the plans for his Christmas party, thinking it would be decades before I’d have a normal life again!

MikeYoungIsStillHot · 24/04/2026 22:50

Oh he’ll ’let you go out and do the same’ then? How kind of him to grace you with his permission

Flamingojune · 24/04/2026 22:50

Theres alot of boys will be boys excusing on this thread. New mums generally dont get shit faced 3 weeks after having a baby and then shit themselves

ReadingSoManyThreads · 24/04/2026 22:52

"He says he needed that blow out after the last few weeks and that he will happily let me do the same when I want to."

Jeez, he does realise that he's NOT the one who carried a baby for nine months and then went through labour and childbirth, right? You've been through a lot in the last almost 10 months and he's saying he needed a blow out after a few weeks?

He sounds like an immature idiot who isn't ready for the responsibility of parenthood.

As for him "letting you" do the same, how good of him 🙄

YANBU I would not have been happy with this behaviour whilst I was in the throes of sleep deprivation, a swollen bleeding vagina, and cracked and bleeding nipples.

freedomformeismotherhood · 24/04/2026 22:52

Ltb x

stealthninjamum · 24/04/2026 22:54

I’d say it’s ok to have the odd night out if he doesn’t drink often but I’ve never seen anyone get so drunk that they’ve shat themselves. That really is disgusting. I’d worry that he wouldn’t be able to clean himself properly before going to bed and I wouldn’t want him near the baby in that condition.

op don’t wash his shorts. I hope he is mortified when he sees them tomorrow.

donkey86 · 24/04/2026 22:54

My husband did this at about the same point when DD was tiny. I was furious, mostly because he’d agreed to help in the night and simply wasn’t capable. But it was a one off and he was so apologetic the next day.

It’s eight years on now and he occasionally still mentions how mortified he was/is about that night. It sucks, op, I know, but if this is a one off too then let it go.

ToddlerMumAddictedtoCoffeee · 24/04/2026 22:55

ReadingSoManyThreads · 24/04/2026 22:52

"He says he needed that blow out after the last few weeks and that he will happily let me do the same when I want to."

Jeez, he does realise that he's NOT the one who carried a baby for nine months and then went through labour and childbirth, right? You've been through a lot in the last almost 10 months and he's saying he needed a blow out after a few weeks?

He sounds like an immature idiot who isn't ready for the responsibility of parenthood.

As for him "letting you" do the same, how good of him 🙄

YANBU I would not have been happy with this behaviour whilst I was in the throes of sleep deprivation, a swollen bleeding vagina, and cracked and bleeding nipples.

I agree with all of this. What a twat.

Be very angry. Don't let him think this ok or this will be repeated again and again and again.

Hankunamatata · 24/04/2026 22:57

Id be cross purely that he woke the baby as I remember the awful shock of becoming a new mum.

TimeFlysWhenYoureHavingRum · 24/04/2026 22:58

This wont get better.

Cocktailglass · 24/04/2026 23:00

He's been celebrating, ecstatic, gone too far. If this was every week/night it would be a concern. The shitting in pants is something he will be embarrassed about but a good holder for future arguments!

Your time will come to let loose with the girls and there will be no nagging.

Have you never been on those nights out when you just go with the flow and it could be the next morning getting breakfast??

Popiscle · 24/04/2026 23:01

Having a drink is one thing, getting drunk is another. Point him in the direction of the nappies. Hopefully this was a one off and isn't typical.

StillCreatingAName · 24/04/2026 23:02

First night out after baby means first hangover as a parent😣 it’s grim.

Justthisandthat · 24/04/2026 23:55

EstrellaPolar · 24/04/2026 22:18

I’m at the uptight end of the “how chill are you as a person” scale so that would be a no from me. Ugh. I have perhaps unusually high expectations of myself and those around me so I would not be ok with my partner and child’s father doing that.

You sound fun!

Kokonimater · 24/04/2026 23:57

If he’s a good loving husband and loves his baby, cut him some slack. Your time will come.

BernardButlersBra · 24/04/2026 23:59

Flamingojune · 24/04/2026 22:50

Theres alot of boys will be boys excusing on this thread. New mums generally dont get shit faced 3 weeks after having a baby and then shit themselves

Err this. New mums are usually too busy and tired at this point. I would give him grief for this in your shoes.

Whatifitallgoesright · Yesterday 00:00

Move on.

BernardButlersBra · Yesterday 00:04

ReadingSoManyThreads · 24/04/2026 22:52

"He says he needed that blow out after the last few weeks and that he will happily let me do the same when I want to."

Jeez, he does realise that he's NOT the one who carried a baby for nine months and then went through labour and childbirth, right? You've been through a lot in the last almost 10 months and he's saying he needed a blow out after a few weeks?

He sounds like an immature idiot who isn't ready for the responsibility of parenthood.

As for him "letting you" do the same, how good of him 🙄

YANBU I would not have been happy with this behaviour whilst I was in the throes of sleep deprivation, a swollen bleeding vagina, and cracked and bleeding nipples.

Yep all sounds a bit pathetic on his side. Not going to lie my husband voiced frustrations a month into parenthood about how hard it was and how it took over his life. I openly laughed in his face after breast feeding, a c section, hard twin pregnancy and 3 rounds of IVF. I was already a few years into it taking over my life and limiting what l could do! It’s not a competition but he was very much in the early days of it and l was quite jaded by the long term impacts on me

Unexpectedlysinglemum · Yesterday 00:08

He’s grim. Take a photo of him and his shit pants. Yuck.
then get on with tonight and move on tomorrow but explain to him he’s not having another similar night out soon and why

SleepingStandingUp · Yesterday 00:10

It's annoying he woke the baby but he was home by 9! I expected your rant to include a 2am homecoming.

Make sure he had water and paracetamol so he's less useless tomorrow

Needaglowup · Yesterday 00:14

@Alwaysthesameoldstory … you need to calm down

sittingonabeach · Yesterday 00:14

How many women shit themselves on a night out?

I hope he is very apologetic in the morning, and does the laundry. No-one was twisting his arm to drink all those drinks.