DP returned steaming on first night out after baby

[Elz23]

DP and I have a 3 week old DC. Tonight was the first chance he has had to see his friends to ‘wet the baby’s head’ as it has been so full on. He said he’d be a couple of hours at most, meeting them at our local pub at 4 once they’d finished work.

He turned up an hour ago, having not got back to my messages asking where he was. He said his phone died, but he is steaming drunk. He crashed in waking DC, who I’d spent ages getting to fall asleep. He’s got a stain on the back of his beige shorts (it looks like shit) and has spent most of the time since he got home locked in the bathroom complaining about his stomach. He’s told me he had 8 pints and shots, as people kept buying them for him.

He says he needed that blow out after the last few weeks and that he will happily let me do the same when I want to. I’ve told him I don’t feel ready for that. He says two of his friends went out earlier than him when they became dad’s. Am I wrong to find this excessive so early on?

Does he do it regularly? If not give the poor guy a break. At least he left it 3 weeks before having a blow out.
My obnoxious ex was on the piss 3 hours after we came home. I had to sit with his mother while she chain smoked in the same room as an hours old baby 😬

Has we woken up yet and realised he’s shit his pants ? How’s that going 🤣

I went out after a fortnight after my eldest was for a few drinks with friends. Admittedly didn't get shit faced

I'm sure it hasn't made any odds to mid 30s DD life. But it did me the world of good

It’s one night! Honestly it’s fine & 10pm isn’t that late to come home. If it starts happening every Friday night rendering him useless every weekend that would be different.

He will let you? As in give you permission?

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Why do men need to have a blow out three weeks after a baby is born?

He went out drinking and was back around 9pm? Honestly, I don’t think it’s that bad. Just take an evening out for yourself when you’re ready, and if you don’t feel like drinking, take yourself to the cinema or a spa evening.

Because he’s a man and therefore must be behaving absolutely terribly…

This. Wonder what the responses would be if the OP posted a thread saying I went out with my friends three weeks after my baby was born - didn't respond to phone calls and shit my pants. Would people be lining up to say you go girl

It is galling that men get more freedom back quicker i do understand that and remember the feeling

But as a one off I'd say it's sweet he is excited and sharing thst excitement with mates...let him have thst moment

Nah, you're not being unreasonable.

I'd genuinely have kicked him out for this. I think wetting the baby's head is such outdated, patriarchal bullcrap so anything more than a couple of social drinks is taking the piss. Leaving your partner/wife at home with a newborn to get absolutely steaming? Not a chance.

This is such shitty behaviour. The baby is 3 weeks not 3 months. You are still very much in thick of it and don’t need the other parent being so intoxicated they cannot help.

YABU

You aren’t being unreasonable. I’m not going to suggest you leave him but I think you need to have a chat about this and say that if he tells you he is going to be back at a certain time then he needs to stick to his word or at the very least message you. Three weeks is still so incredibly early with a newborn, particularly a firstborn where you are still finding your way and also recovering from birth.

It’s a big change becoming parents and realising that you can’t operate how you did before and that you can’t just go AWOL without really impacting the other person. He’s done it now so it is not unfair or unreasonable to say that you don’t want this scenario to play out like this again.

The shit stain on his pants is really pretty gross though and I would definitely make it clear that you feel this way and that he needs to seriously control himself if shitting his pants is a genuine possibility when he drinks too much.

What colour are his shorts? What 'material'?

My DH couldn’t get through the door on Thursday night/friday morning (it was 3am) after the 3 time of the camera alerting me there was someone trying to get in my house I had to get up and let him in.

So he didn't 'crash' through it? 😁

I just sometimes wonder if it's an exaggeration, like 'waltzing'.

Husband comes home early from the pub = Normal entry.

Husband comes home late from the pub = 'Waltzes' through the door.

I just get a mental image of a pissed Len Goodman.

If it’s not a common thing let him be. My DP went out when baby was about 10 days old, it was pre planned and I went over due. I genuinely didn’t care I was happy to go to bed with baby. If he does it again, then you can make a point. Let him stew in his own misery today lol

I mean it's pretty annoying but if it's a one off then let it go. Make sure you laugh at his hangover, but the shitty pants thing is such an ick!

But it's ok for them to not be able to " help" if they are working or away

But he’s not.

But that makes no difference about whether anyone is able to look after a baby by themselves instead of needing the other parent there 24/7.

Why have people become so incapable?

My DDs dad didn't even meet her until she was 4 months old and she had been in nursery a month by then.

The bar is so low…

After 3 weeks of what he thinks has been hard work for him, despite the fact that it was you who carried, then birthed the baby - from which you are still recovering, he thinks it’s appropriate to go out and get absolutely steaming - thus rendering himself useless certainly overnight, potentially into the next day? Just no.

Im certainly glad my husband didn’t think this was a kind, supportive or helpful thing to do just 3 weeks after giving birth.

You aren’t being over the top!!! You shouldn’t have asked on mumsnet cos they are all so pro men in these situations. I would’ve been so upset if my other half did this. It’s a shitty stupid thing to do.