DP returned steaming on first night out after baby

[Elz23]

DP and I have a 3 week old DC. Tonight was the first chance he has had to see his friends to ‘wet the baby’s head’ as it has been so full on. He said he’d be a couple of hours at most, meeting them at our local pub at 4 once they’d finished work.

He turned up an hour ago, having not got back to my messages asking where he was. He said his phone died, but he is steaming drunk. He crashed in waking DC, who I’d spent ages getting to fall asleep. He’s got a stain on the back of his beige shorts (it looks like shit) and has spent most of the time since he got home locked in the bathroom complaining about his stomach. He’s told me he had 8 pints and shots, as people kept buying them for him.

He says he needed that blow out after the last few weeks and that he will happily let me do the same when I want to. I’ve told him I don’t feel ready for that. He says two of his friends went out earlier than him when they became dad’s. Am I wrong to find this excessive so early on?

Well it's MUMSNET so unlikely to have that many dads complaining the mum is out on the lash

I'll take a bet that there won't be many, if any at all, on Dadsnet......

Is there such a page?

I mean he’s earning money for the family whilst working so I do deem that as support myself but fair enough if you don’t we probably have different types of husbands 😂

And they wonder why female dynamics are so poisonous. Far more disturbing than a new dad overdoing it as a one off..we have superior 'my standards are better than yours' , 'women who tolerate this are to blame for their car crash of a marriage' (which is apparently a certainty)..a gleeful prediction in fact. And now 'my husband is better than yours. Christ. Why can't we just accept that there is more than one valid opinion on this rather than tearing down anyone who disagrees?

Going out for a few hours isn't a problem. But coming back in that state. How could anyone be remotely attracted to that.

That part would be a deal breaker.

Even if it was a massively out of character one off and hes contrite and helpful the next day? You'd instigate a divorce and life as a single parent with a three week old?

Because he’s going to work to help pay the bills? What does going out and getting smashed do except render you pretty useless the next day? It’s not the same and I’m not sure how you think they’re comparable?

There compable in the fact he's not with his wife giving " support"

Well obviously having their baby grow up without it's father is preferable than a husband that gets smashed on 5 hours out " wetting" the baby's head

Of course the child's life will be so much better probably living with less money and no one to help out at anytime

How is going out to earn money to pay the bills not giving his wife support? You’re absolutely clutching at straws here trying to compare them.

People on here who dismiss women's concerns as 'pearl clutching' are generally dicks.

If your reaction as the husband in this scenario would to leave your wife and three-week old child because she was upset at your unacceptable and pretty disgusting behaviour on a night out, most people would think that your wife and child had a lucky escape.

You're missing the point.
It's OK to be annoyed about it for a day or two, but if this was held against me forever, I would regard it as abusive.

Its not that unusual for a man to get pressured into wetting the baby's head, ffs. It's hardly a frigging crime.
It's not even he was out late.

If a man said this about his wife here, he'd be accused of being abusive and controlling.
She's only letting her hair down etc.

Indeed he's absolute OK with her doing the same.

You can have your opinion about whether people are dicks are not, fine, however, there is a lot of pearl clutching here about things I think most people would eventually forgive.

Maybe the OP doesn't want to roll around steaming drunk with stains on her clothes when she's got a three week old baby to look after

Totally agree.
I can't believe how unforgiving these posts are.
His friends had the drinks lined up for him.
He wasn't even home that late.
A one-off event.

If people are unable to forgive this, it's no wonder there's so much divorce.

I wonder if the posters here who are calling this man disgusting would be happy if they split and she were to have to be in part supported by the taxpayer?

Why do I think that the answer to that is a resounding no?

Disclaimer: I am of course happy for taxes to go to single mums who are being abused.

Maybe she doesn't, however, she can if she wants to.
He made that clear.

No one should have to "let" their partner do the same to justify their own behaviour

The baby is three weeks old. She's the person who carried the baby -who went through the process of giving birth. He did not need to go out and drink 8 pints and shots. He needed a "blow out". From what? He crashed through the door waking the baby. His phone was off and stained clothes

That's ok. But on another thread someone who had one pint with a Wetherspoons breakfast is being told she's a functioning alcoholic.

If they split she could very easily have a job of her own. Let's not make everything about be benefits

Yeah OK fine.
It's best that a guy who occasionally (on a very unusual event in his life) who probably experienced intense peer pressure to get drunk but otherwise appears to be a good husband gets chucked out.

It's probably better that this woman becomes a single mother, her child experiences the harsh environmental factors that sometimes brings (including possible abuse by a step-parent etc) and that the taxpayer pays in part for all of this.

I agree.
There's absolutely no room for forgiveness with any of this.

It is totally heinous and that's that.
(sarcasm, obviously.)

No let's be realistic here. She is likely to be claiming some benefits of some type if they divorced.
Likely, not guaranteed.

You're assuming she either doesn't work or has a low paid job

I really can't be bothered with your sarcasm. I'll make that clear firstly. I said nothing about chucking him out. As for peer pressure. He's an adult. No one forced him to drink 8 pints and shots and get falling down drunk just because he's a new dad

I'm from a single parent family. Plenty of people are single parents - but nice to see your judgement extended to them as well as people on benefits

And of course the woman in this scenario has to be on benefits if they ever got divorced and would be taxpayer funded.

Carry on with your sarcasm if you like

Well then if she's not chucking him out, she has to at some point forgive him, doesn't she?
Else the child will grow up in a toxic environment.

How long she takes to get over it is up to her surely. Maybe he's the one that should be reflecting on his behaviour in this scenario

No. I don't think that he should actually.
There's nothing really to 'reflect' on.

Man's wife has baby. His friends get him bladdered.
He's a bit worse for wear as a result of it.

Maybe OP should be reflecting on how she could not predict that this was the inevitable outcome when I believe most people would be able to forsee it.

Not that she necessarily should, of course, but to me and others here, him returning home pissed would be a given knowing that this event was to 'wet the baby's head.'

'Oh they're likely to get him very drunk, at some point he'll come home pissed and pass out.
Never mind it's a one-off, he's otherwise a good husband, I'll let it pass provided I can also let my hair down at some point - which I can. '