DP returned steaming on first night out after baby

[Elz23]

DP and I have a 3 week old DC. Tonight was the first chance he has had to see his friends to ‘wet the baby’s head’ as it has been so full on. He said he’d be a couple of hours at most, meeting them at our local pub at 4 once they’d finished work.

He turned up an hour ago, having not got back to my messages asking where he was. He said his phone died, but he is steaming drunk. He crashed in waking DC, who I’d spent ages getting to fall asleep. He’s got a stain on the back of his beige shorts (it looks like shit) and has spent most of the time since he got home locked in the bathroom complaining about his stomach. He’s told me he had 8 pints and shots, as people kept buying them for him.

He says he needed that blow out after the last few weeks and that he will happily let me do the same when I want to. I’ve told him I don’t feel ready for that. He says two of his friends went out earlier than him when they became dad’s. Am I wrong to find this excessive so early on?

I would let it slide if this is out of character to be honest. Sounds like his mates were encouraging him with all the shots etc.

Shitting himself would give me so much ick though that I would extend the post baby bonking embargo by several weeks.

And, remember you are only Mum to the baby, so do not assist with sorting out anything connected to him shitting himself.

Never bothered me after every child and my dh is absolutely fine when I choose to go out on the odd night with friends, I don't text him or have time constraints...just because there's a baby doesn't mean life has to stop aswell you just take turns to do fun things for a bit

I am so glad my DH isn't the type to do this. It seems ridiculous to go out and get absolutely shit faced to celebrate a newborn baby, really old fashioned and counter productive. Instead of helping the new mum who is still recovering from birth, she gets to deal with the fallout of a messy, stinking, unhelpful man for at least that night and the next day.
At least wait until mum is healed and has had at least one decent sleep first.

I was just about to say I'm not sure what "wet the baby's head" has actually got anything to do with the baby! The baby gets left at home.

I understand we can get a bit carried away sometimes, but he seemed to use this as an excuse to drop all responsibility without considering you in it. He wasn't even available for communication, which is just poor. If his phone was dead, could he not have contacted you from a friend's phone instead? No because he was too shit faced. I'd be annoyed too. Was he like this before the baby?

Reminds me of my DH telling me how tired he was just after our first was born, as in within 48hrs or so of the birth, this is after I'd been in labour for 5.5 DAYS, ending in EMCS, having a PPH, plus a nasty infection. I had no sleep for 11 DAYS in total and felt like death. I honestly couldn't believe my ears when he complained of being tired, as he'd happily slept through a significant amount of my labour. Honestly, men can be oblivious idiots at times!!!

Treat it as a once off, but if it happens again then you will have to have words.
Getting so drunk you lose control of your bowels is more than 8 pints BTW.

You're like a Mumsnet cliché generator.

So he was home by 9pm? I’d let it go.

There always a slight sadistic pleasure watching someone suffer with a hangover

I don't think you are being OTT. Who would drink eight pints and shots when they know that they have a three week old baby at home? He would know that he wouldn't be in any fit state to help you with the baby.

His remark about needing a 'blow out' after the last few weeks is pretty insensitive as you are the one that has been through labour and childbirth, not him.

Also, he sounds like a child telling you that his friends went out much earlier than him after the birth of their children. If his friends got shit-faced the day after their wives have given birth, it doesn't give your DH carte blanche to behave badly but not quite badly as them.

Omg my husband did similar, he doesn’t drink much now but his friends are still regularly out (few have older kids and are divorced so will meet a couple times a week) so he can’t keep up with them anymore but thought he could. He was so sick the next day and felt guilty for ages. I just went out in the morning and met my mum and had a lovely time, came home to him being very apologetic and feeling sorry for himself!

We don’t know that he shat himself. He could have sat on something!

He did by the sound of it..and pooped in his shorts.😝

Of course you are not being ott.

Getting as drunk as your partner did is disgusting at any time and particularly when he has his new baby in the home. He showed no regard for his child or for you and you are right to be upset.

At least you know his arse works.

8 pints and shots though 😱

I’d let it go but a little bit of tough love wouldn’t hurt today. Casually start hoovering the bedroom now that would be good, don’t forgot he needs to make you breakfast, lunch and dinner today because you are exhausted, think it would be nice for you to chose a film to watch together tonight while he rubs your feet don’t you? The house needs sprucing up today, so as you’ve done the hoovering of the bedroom he can do the rest of the house, clean his poo , pop a wash on and hang it out etc I think that will all help with his hangover

If he’s generally supportive, I wouldn’t make a big deal of it. I’d hope he’d be a bit embarrassed though.

Regarding 'wetting the baby's head' - my husband bought a bottle of expensive whiskey eleven years ago for our first. It's had four shots out of it (four children) and remains almost full in the kitchen cupboard. Anyone know if it would still be drinkable?

It'd be a no from me too. Although I like to think that one can be pretty chill, and still be disgusted by their DH going out and stumbling home so pissed that he can't be quiet, and he's shat his pants.

I think that's excessive, baby or no baby!

I think I’d be off out soon with the baby today, especially if you have supportive relatives nearby (not to punish or complain, just not to have to deal with any fallout or hangover). He recovers from last night and cleans himself up and any mess he’s caused. If it truly is one off behaviour I would let it go and hope without you saying anything that he doesn’t actually want a repeat of it. If really is grim if he shat himself.

A night out wouldn’t bother me and it sounds like he was back quite early. Waking the baby would annoy me and the shit stain is grim.

Meh, if it’s not a regular occurance I couldn’t get worked up, sure it’s not fun but parenthood doesn’t mean you can never let your hair down and have fun with his mates. Yeah getting drunk isn’t ideal,but I can’t see the issue.

Are you sure he didn’t just sit on something that stained his shorts? It just seems more likely than shitting his pants. I know it’s annoying him coming home drunk but he’ll feel worse tomorrow trying to look after a baby with a hangover. If it’s a one off and he’s generally a great dad/partner then I’d have to let it go. It sounds like he just got carried away.

Going out until 10pm wouldn't bother me, I might be a bit annoyed at him waking baby on the way in, but accidents happen.

Shiting his pants is the bit that would cross the line for me, but you seem to be seeing that as a secondary concern. Is that something that happens often? It he ill? In the morning maybe have a word about him seeing a Dr about his continence issue. It is not normal for an adult to shit their pants, even if they have been drinking.

Can you imagine if a mother went out 3 weeks postpartum , got steaming drunk and then shit themselves whilst Dad looked after the newborn?