DP returned steaming on first night out after baby

[Elz23]

DP and I have a 3 week old DC. Tonight was the first chance he has had to see his friends to ‘wet the baby’s head’ as it has been so full on. He said he’d be a couple of hours at most, meeting them at our local pub at 4 once they’d finished work.

He turned up an hour ago, having not got back to my messages asking where he was. He said his phone died, but he is steaming drunk. He crashed in waking DC, who I’d spent ages getting to fall asleep. He’s got a stain on the back of his beige shorts (it looks like shit) and has spent most of the time since he got home locked in the bathroom complaining about his stomach. He’s told me he had 8 pints and shots, as people kept buying them for him.

He says he needed that blow out after the last few weeks and that he will happily let me do the same when I want to. I’ve told him I don’t feel ready for that. He says two of his friends went out earlier than him when they became dad’s. Am I wrong to find this excessive so early on?

There was a mark on his shorts. It might have been mud. All this 'he shat himself' is hyperbole. Provided its a one off and he's otherwise decent and reliable, this is eye rolling but not a disaster.

And actually, I would and did have nights out, days out etc from v early on. I mix fed and needed not to be tied to the baby constantly. Obviously I was mindful of alcohol, breastfeeding etc but I felt no need to enter 6 months of purdah after becoming a mum.

I would see how he is today and going forward from this. He was home by 9pm. He was complaining about his stomach. Could he have a bug or his mates spiked him due to 'celebrating' the baby? I wouldn't be impressed but the key for me would be how he acts going forward.

That's a lot of booze in quite a short amount of time. Must have been battered, not surprised he S'ed himself.

It's fine to got out with his pals but hopefully he learns from this mistake

He shit himself. That’s utterly disgusting.

It's not " unfair" though. It's choice.

What actually stopped you going out sooner?

He’s gone out for a night out with the boys. As long as he cleans himself up, i really don’t see the problem.

Do you have any of those nappy type things left that we wear after giving birth OP? Could lend him a few of them 🤣

personally I wouldn’t get upset about the drinking if it’s just a one off

@elza just on this thread alone, I think mothers seem to be held to much higher standards than fathers. In what world would it be acceptable for a new mother to go out and get so intoxicated that they crash into the house waking a three week old baby? After losing control of their bowels? Would any new mother feel comfortable telling the midwife or health visitor that? I remember the early postpartum hormonal shifts, and how protective I was of my new baby. I would have been very unnerved at that time to have a man in that state in the house overnight when I was trying to deal with night wakings etc. And I can assure you have no pearl necklaces to clutch.

No. He had a mark.on his shorts that may be mud.

Or shit-shortsed in this case!

Obviously there are biological reasons why mothers may stay closer to home in the earliest days but assuming no complications, you couldbe largely back to normal in a few weeks and breastfeeding not withstanding, there's no reason why women couldnt go.out on the lash. The fact that most don't choose to do so is their choice. A one off occasion such as the op describes (and im ignoring the "shitting himself ' because thats bern invented by posters) is not a huge deal and if a mum did it I'd think good for her.

If it helps usually behaves like this in a night out then he is a twat.

If he is usually a good guy. Then just accept he got carried away celebrating and let it go.

Well yeah most people can go out on the lash with a 3 week old baby, it doesnt make it an appropriate thing to do. The fact most mothers don't chose to speaks volumes doesn't it? Why do so many men chose to get shitfaced after only 3 weeks of parenthood and most women dont

Unless he has a history of doing this, I would see how he is in the next couple of days. If he washes his own shitty clothes unprompted and is proactive as a partner and dad (once the hangover has gone), I'd consider it a rogue error of judgment on his part. Getting peer pressured into drinking too much is pretty embarrassing when you're an adult, hopefully he won't make a habit of it.

Who "needs" to get out of their head on drink, FFS?

I'd be pretty annoyed. it's only been 3 weeks, yes it's stressful and difficult, but you can't be getting shitfaced every 3 weeks because you've had a hard time. He can't have forgotten how to control himself around alcohol in 3 weeks

The fact he got back early is kind of irrelevent. After 8 pints and shots can't be of any use with the baby anyway all night and is going to be pretty hungover tomorrow. He's left you in a pretty shitty (perhaps quite literally) situation for the night and day tomorrow

Having said that, as a one off, providing he's usually been a good caring dad and partner then I'd let it go.

Its grim isn’t it that on a thread like this people respond with “You now need to drink yourself into a stupor and shit yourself. Yay!” Bring it on I can’t wait to be so inebriated that I lose control of my bowels!

Fun times!

If it isn't regular then it isn't a massive problem. He shat himself, feels sick and will have a terrible hangover. It isn't as if he is living the dream while you are at home with the baby.

Why do people keep saying he shat himself? He had a mark on his shorts that could have been anything, most likely mud from stumbling over. Why do these threads always descended into hyperbolic ranting?

@DownyBirch a person that has a problem with alcohol.

😂

I mean I just wouldn’t put up with this at all and the shit on the shorts would make me vomit!!!!
if you want someone like this in your life go ahead - I’ve had 3 kids my partner has never done this after any of them have been born

I just think behaviour like this demonstrates what he’s like, what he thinks is ok and shows very little respect to you

I am always amazed when people think this sort of thing is ok? There’s some low standards sadly and women deserve better.

Shat himself from drink = ick = LTB = more interesting thread.

I think if he planned to get steaming he should have stayed elsewhere and come back in the morning.

The last thing you need is a drunk man about with a baby.

Three weeks is so soon, as well. There’s time enough for going out and getting drunk when those initial weeks are behind you - although it does sound like he went too far.

I do think anyone planning to get ludicrously drunk should be staying away from places where children live. It’s not safe to have drunks around children.

In his case he “only” shat his pants, felt ill and made excuses, but no one ever knows how drink will take them on that occasion.

I wouldn't say its too early. Plus its one night out. Not a big deal to me.

However, getting so drunk you (presumably) shit yourself is grim but not ltb territory. More oh ffs that was a bit much then move on.