DH and family left me alone in a restaurant

[TemporaryWombat]

This didn’t happen recently but it still bugs me! Went out for a meal for MIL birthday, I was 8 months pregnant and at the end of the meal FIL paid the bill - I stood up and told DH I was going to the toilet, went (I wasn’t long) came back and everyone had buggered off! I was stood there embarrassed asking the waiters where everyone was. I went to the car park and wandered around in the dark trying to find DH car.

AIBU or is it really inconsiderate to just leave? DH sees no fault and said the meal was over and it was obvious we were all leaving. It felt very crappy and definitely not something I would do or my family.

I think it woukd be quite normal to meet people outside if you'd decided to go to the loo as everyone was leaving, and presumably DH's car was where you'd left it. How big can a restaurant carpark be?

It's not the most polite of them not to wait for you, at least outside the front door of the restaurant, but also not something I would dwell on, I doubt it was done out of any spite.

It wouldn't bother me at all - wouldn't even cross my mind to be offended or put out.

So he was waiting in the car for you? What's wrong with that?

Did no-one have a mobile phone?

We do this - thought it was fairly usual
bill all paid, someone pops to the loo and the family go and sit in the car (warm it up if it is winter)

This would be completely normal surely? Did you honestly expect them all to stay in the restaurant when you went to the toilet after paying the bill?

OMG did they drive off and leave you?
Surely they were just in the car.
What is the issue?
Why did you need to ask the staff? What else is there to do in a restaurant once you've paid the bill?

Surely you knew where your partners car was as you came to the restaurant in the car?

If the meal was over and you were all leaving it’s not completely strange that they all went outside as else they’d just be standing around for you potentially taking up room in a crowded restaurant.

That being said your partner could have waited just outside the door for you but it really isn’t something I’d still be thinking about now.

I'm astonished that you've carried this around for any length of time, or at all really. I hope you come round to seeing how silly you're being.

Sounds normal if they were waiting in the car. The bill has been paid, you want the staff to be able to feel able to clean the table without people sitting there in the way.
The only way this would be weird is if they drove off without you and didn't realise you were missing.

I think it was a little inconsiderate, but YABU to still be dwelling on it if it didn't happen recently.

Totally normal.

He met you back at the car, which was presumably in the same place you parked in to get there.

Total non-event.

The meal was finished, bill paid yet you were asking wait staff where everyone was? You were deliberately being dramatic.

Why did you have to wander about in the dark, did they move the car to prank you?

Why wasn't the car in the same place as when you got out of it? Where else could everyone have been - hiding in the kitchen as a prank?

I think once the bill is paid it's perfectly normal to leave, staff don't want people hanging around inside. How long ago did this happen?

You were 8 months pregnant at the time and you say this is a while ago. So have you had a baby in the meantime and this is still in your mind?
Is there more to this?

If they had already paid and people were getting coats on, I really don't think it's a big deal.

they didn’t abandon you! You were all leaving and you went to the toilet. You’re a grown woman! You can walk to the car without escorting. You are being over dramatic

I’m trying to work out the relevance of the pregnancy?

I’ll have to presume there is (a lot) more to this because this incident alone would not have registered with me at all, 8 months pregnant or not I can find my way out of a restaurant on my own and actually would prefer that rather than everyone standing around waiting for me!

Were they waiting outside? If so then YABU
Did they drive off and leave you behind? YANBU

I think you are being a little dramatic. Agree that surely the car was where you left it - if it had been moved anywhere other than to make it more convenient to collect you then that would be super weird and unkind.

However, it is quite bad manners. My husband would not do this not now, not at 8 months pregnant as he would want to walk to the car together. Also most people order the bill, pay and finish of their drinks. It's not necessary to be some mad scramble to leave the instant you pay.

So YANBU but it's no biggie either. Is it symptomatic of you generally feeling that your DH is a bit inconsiderate?

I don't see the issue, presumably he was just waiting in the car? I don't see what you being 8 months pregnant has to do with anything either, you would still have had to walk to the car either way