DH and family left me alone in a restaurant

[TemporaryWombat]

This didn’t happen recently but it still bugs me! Went out for a meal for MIL birthday, I was 8 months pregnant and at the end of the meal FIL paid the bill - I stood up and told DH I was going to the toilet, went (I wasn’t long) came back and everyone had buggered off! I was stood there embarrassed asking the waiters where everyone was. I went to the car park and wandered around in the dark trying to find DH car.

AIBU or is it really inconsiderate to just leave? DH sees no fault and said the meal was over and it was obvious we were all leaving. It felt very crappy and definitely not something I would do or my family.

well I suppose im saying that she is really over reacting as its maybe a bit rude but it wouldnt even register with me tbh. I would just go to the car park and find them - it wouldn't even cross my mind. maybe thats becasue im used to bad treatment , I dont know so maybe its my response that is abnormal so I may not be the best judge. I honestly don know

I think I would find this quite upsetting tbh. Pregnancy or not.

yes - I agree she is allowed to feel how she feels. I understand that.

and on reflection I think it is probably my reaction of soemthing like that not even registering that is abnormal. a person should register if someone, especially DH is being rude.

Unless it’s part of a pattern of inconsiderate behaviour by the ILs/DH.

Wouldn't bother me at all, it can be really awkward (and in the way of servers) to be standing waiting for someone, they had stood and left table when you went to the loo. In saying that your dh could have said we'll wait outside for you but it definitely is not something I would be still thinking about it

Op, with kindness, you really need to get over this

I remember years ago, we had a huge group having dinner at a restaurant which was quite far from home. Multiple cars required to get us all there. Afterwards, once we were all home and chilling out, we got a call from ex-SIL to say she'd been left behind! We all thought she was in someone else's car! This was pre mobile phones so she'd had to find a pay phone 😂

I agree it would be more 'normal' for your DH to hang back and wait for you but equally I wouldn't be bothered if everyone had gone outside. I'm very surprised this bothered you at all, let alone that you would be dwelling on it a while after the event.

I would find this little odd but not enough to fester on for however long it has been. We usually wait at the table or outside the restaurant by the entrance, if someone has gone to toilet. Why were you wandering in the dark though? You could have called husband and asked him to pull up closer to the door.

I voted YABU because i think your holding onto the hurt still when its not serving you.

Are your inlaws rude to you in other ways? Was this a one off ? Was it just one of those things that happened once and is not a pattern of bad behaviour. If so let it go.

I hope your pregnancy went well - may i add that if you are brewing on things Post par tum that is normal but also a waste of your time and energy.

Unless of course it part of a larger problem with your spouse and in laws....

So your PILs drove off without saying goodbye? That IS rude.

I think people saying it's normal were thinking you all came in the same car (so they'd be waiting in the car for you).

We go to quite a lot of (my DHs) family gatherings and none of them would dream of leaving a venue without saying goodbye to everybody (it takes a while sometimes 😃).

If everyone was still sitting around the table when you went to the loo, I'd expect them still to be in the restaurant when you came back, if you weren't an age in the loo. In our family we'd still be standing around zipping coats, exchanging hugs and promises to meet up again soon when the loo-attendee got back. Leaving without saying goodbye to a family member is rather rude and dismissive, so we wouldn't do that. Everyone would wait in the warm unless they had to get back for a particular time, then they'd say "Say goodbye to TemporaryWombat for me, would you? Tell her lovely to see her and we'll catch up soon, etc". Just going without saying anything..? No, we wouldn't. (And I would dwell on it too, pregnant or not.)

I genuinely can't believe that 60% of people think that they were out of order?!?!

I went to the car park and wandered around in the dark trying to find DH car.

Well surely it was where you'd parked it?! Why make it sound like you were standard in some unknown place in the middle of the night?!

At best they were thoughtless; at worst they were knowingly rude.

It may be that they had words before walking out and your DH doesn't want to share what was siad with you.

If he'd apologised for walking out without you and leaving you to search the carpark for him, I could get past it. If he acted like you were overreacting to their thoughtlessness/rudeness, I'd find that hard. That speaks to how he feels about you.

It's not unreasonable as such. But I have to say I wouldn't do this. If I knew someone was in the loo I would wait for them - unless there had been a conversation like : "I'm going to the loo". "OK, we will see you at the car".

I wouldn't like to come out the loo and everybody had just gone. Especially not heavily pregnant, wandering around in a dark car park.

I am baffled by the responses saying YABU. I would be upset if my OH left the restaurant without me, he could have at least waited by the door or outside, especially 8 months pregnant. The more I think about it my FIL would probably pull my OH up if he left without me.

I would have expected him to wait by the door especially as you weee heavily pregnant and it was dark in the car park

How would the staff know where everyone was? They went outside. Presumably you know where the car is parked. The staff don't.

There was no reason for the whole group to block a table after the bill was paid because one person used the toilet. If anything that could be seen as rude.

I don't see how you could still be concerned about this after months, years?

If you'd already said goodbye, it doesn't seem awful that the in laws left. Your husband should certainly have hung about inside though!

My dh would wait for me, if not inside the restaurant than right outside the door. Its the polite thing to do imo.

Yes, they were bloody rude, uncouth and ill-mannered.

No one ‘left’ you anywhere, they didn’t all drive off leaving you behind.
And, presumably, you knew where the car was parked as you’d arrived in it? Being pregnant has nothing to do with it, you weren’t in labour were you?
Drama much me thinks 🙄

I think it's very strange that you felt embarrassed, and even more strange that it's still bothering you some time later.

Your in laws were rude not to even wait to say goodbye - they could have stood up, put on their coats and waited by the door for a few minutes.

Your dh should have waited for you.

Why were you wandering around looking for the car? Had he moved it?