DH and family left me alone in a restaurant

[TemporaryWombat]

This didn’t happen recently but it still bugs me! Went out for a meal for MIL birthday, I was 8 months pregnant and at the end of the meal FIL paid the bill - I stood up and told DH I was going to the toilet, went (I wasn’t long) came back and everyone had buggered off! I was stood there embarrassed asking the waiters where everyone was. I went to the car park and wandered around in the dark trying to find DH car.

AIBU or is it really inconsiderate to just leave? DH sees no fault and said the meal was over and it was obvious we were all leaving. It felt very crappy and definitely not something I would do or my family.

This. I’d have forgotten about it by the time I was home. 🏡

I thought it was rude from your first post

following your clarifying second post I think it’s appallingly rude

Well, yes, but it's just daft to still be affected by it for any length of time.

If I was out with someone heavily pregnant and they had gone to the toilet I would definitely have waited just in case something happened. When I was pregnant I had the odd time after eating that I would feel hot and faint you might have felt the same. The inlaws I would say were slightly rude but your husband was unkind.

Yes this. It's one thing to leave the restaurant to free up the table and wait for op outside. It's another for DH to leave his heavily pregnant wife behind and for the in-laws to head off without a goodbye.

My DH would have waited by the door or brought the car to pick me up. He would have just wondered off.

I'm thinking that that wasn't the last time DH has prioritised his own comfort or his parents over op or she wouldn't still be mulling over this.

It is a bit rude and I may have been mildly irked at the time. But it isn't a sufficient social faux pas that I would brood on it.

I think it is really rude. I wouldn't just leave someone I had spent the evening with and not say goodbye. I can see whe are your dh got his manners from.

No, my DH would have waited for me.

I'd at least have expected my dh to wait for me inside the restaurant by the door just to be thoughtful.

Totally agree ...rude

well its crazy to me honestly. this would not even register in my mind, I wouldn't even notice it at all. I never ever thought of myself at all. my husabnd would do things that were really stressful for me. he'd leave me waiting at night to be picked up fro 30 mins and I didnt say anything. but the stress and his behaviour when I was submitting my phd contributed to me having a psychotic breakdwon and I lost everythign id worked for and I cant work. I despise myself now. I was so stupid and im so mentally ill. I produced world class research and published books. and I also have disabilities now. if I asked him t odd soemthing he would basically just ignore it. and my mind has gone and im in conscious torment every minute of every day

My husband has the social awareness of a hippopotamus and even he would not leave a restaurant without me. His mum is disabled and would need help to the car, so he might say to me that he would make a head start with getting there. And then come back for me if I had not come out before they got to the car.

Exactly! Did you think they were hiding under the table? You had absolutely NO CLUE where they might be? Why were you wandering around the car park looking for the car? Wasn’t it where you had left it?

I assumed you were all in the same car but it is rude if they left without saying goodbye and drive away but not worth dwelling on.

Very rude of them not to wait / say goodbye. However you need to let go of it / pick your battles. Presumably it won't happen again.

Yeah, that wouldn't have bothered me at all. And I'm hypersensitive.

Very rude. It's hardly difficult to either wait for you, or wait by the entrance, is it? How are they in general with you, OP?

I wouldnt make a big deal out of it. Meal paid for, everyone has kind of finished their meal and readying for going home. I'm just nipping to the loo type thing.

Everyone except your other half goes.

What did you expect, a standing ovation when you came back?

Your other half could be excused if he intended to warm the car up for your return and was being considerate or he just felt uncomfortable hanging around outside the toilets.

What did you want everyone to do when you walked back from your poo

Plus if anyone in the family is pregnant, they are the centre of every activity and would have been the absolute priority.

WTF?!?! 😂

Pregnancy is always considered relevant on Mumsnet, even when it’s not in the slightest bit relevant.

This is a husband issue not a PIL one. I think common decency would dictate that a husband/partner would wait for his wife and walk back to the car with her, whether pregnant or not. The pregnancy would highlight the need for this in my mind.

I'm not pregnant and my husband would never knowingly leave me or indeed any person who was on there own, to walk out in the dark by themselves.

Do the family smoke, could they have gone out for a smoke and moved off without realising they had not said goodbye?

Unless PILs said goodbye before you went to the loo, I would also think that is slightly strange but as a one off I would not be too concerned.

This reminded me of my work Christmas night out just past...

I popped to the loo at the end of the night. A few of us did and single toilets, and I was last. I came out and not only had everyone else left the restaurant (outside smoking and saying goodbyes), but they'd also not mentioned to the staff that I was in the toilet, as I came out and found it all locked up and staff outside with them! 😆😆

We all found it funny, thankfully, but if it hadn't been at the end of a night full of laughter and fun, I can imagine maybe feeling a little different. I've had times with people where I've generally felt invisible and something like that might have been enough to upset me. I'm wondering if that might have been the case for you?

I'm with you Op - very rude and weird! If they didn't even say goodbye especially!

Jesus, they walked ahead to the car park, they didn’t fly to the Caribbean for six weeks leaving her behind.
Why would a pregnant woman be the centre of every random activity?That sounds both stifling and nauseating.

It was an inconsiderate thing to do. I'd have waited for you @TemporaryWombat .

Perhaps they're not a very considerate bunch of people, thinking mainly of themselves? Do they see you as someone not very important in their world?