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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH and family left me alone in a restaurant

364 replies

TemporaryWombat · 16/02/2026 11:59

This didn’t happen recently but it still bugs me! Went out for a meal for MIL birthday, I was 8 months pregnant and at the end of the meal FIL paid the bill - I stood up and told DH I was going to the toilet, went (I wasn’t long) came back and everyone had buggered off! I was stood there embarrassed asking the waiters where everyone was. I went to the car park and wandered around in the dark trying to find DH car.

AIBU or is it really inconsiderate to just leave? DH sees no fault and said the meal was over and it was obvious we were all leaving. It felt very crappy and definitely not something I would do or my family.

OP posts:
tokennamechange · 16/02/2026 12:13

need more info about exactly what happened.

Unlike most of the posters I do think it's a bit weird to leave the (warm) restaurant to sit in a cold car for someone. I absolutely would wait for someone to come back from the toilet, in DH's (i.e. the person you were driving home with) to walk to the car together. It's not like him waiting outside is going to make her go any faster!

In the case of everyone else, if they literally just left the restaurant and drove home without saying goodbye, I also think that was rude.

I don't understand people who feel they have to leg it out of a restaurant the moment the bill is paid, it puts a dampener on the evening, as if it was an unpleasant chore they're glad is over. Absolutely don't linger for hours, as the restaurant needs the table back, but taking 5 mins to go to the loo, put coats on, say goodbye, etc., whether it happens at the table/in the foyer/entrance hall or just outside, is much nicer.

In this case OP had her DH but if people think it is fine to do generally, what happens if it's someone who came alone - OP could have tripped/started early labour/have car trouble and all her friends would have already pissed off home!

Original poster
TemporaryWombat · 16/02/2026 12:13

HeadyLamarr · 16/02/2026 12:09

If they had already paid and people were getting coats on, I really don't think it's a big deal.

They were all sat down and no one had coats on etc. Maybe I was pregnant and over emotional…! I do think that it was common courtesy for MIL and family to say goodbye to me and I still think DH should have waited for me instead of leaving the restaurant but that’s just me!

OP posts:
LovesLabradors · 16/02/2026 12:14

I can't believe these responses - I think it's totally rude to up and leave a restaurant whilst someone is in the loo! You wait and all leave together, surely?

SardinesOnButteredToast · 16/02/2026 12:15

I can understand your feelings. If everyone had paid and were heading to the door and you said you'd pop back for a wee, fair enough, but if everyone was just finishing up and you find everyone gone as you come out the loo, well I'd feel like I wasn't important to the group and nobody cared despite my working double time carrying a baby. The comments on here are like a race to the bottom for how little consideration and care women are willing to take in order to look cool and carefree. Fuck yes, I'm going to be high maintenance. I expect my husband to wait for me, and to want to walk me to the car in the dark. Could I clean and press the weight of most men, yes probably, but do I expect to be treated like a Queen - also yes.

Edited to add: AIBU?? If that's U, then try being even MORE unreasonable. Raise their standards to the appropriate level.

wanderingstarz · 16/02/2026 12:15

Sounds normal to me. I'd have said goodbye before I went to the loo so people didn't have to hang about waiting for me.

Bobcurlygirl · 16/02/2026 12:20

Depends...if I'd said goodbye before going to the loo then I'd expect the in-laws to have gone and hubby to wait for me. But if they cleared out while I was in the loo then that's bad manners. Probably I've texted "sorry didn't get a chance to say goodbye, hope you got home ok" just to let them know id noted it. And at the next meal "I'm off to the loo...Marge, Dennis will you be here when I get back as I'd love to say goodbye"

wawawewa · 16/02/2026 12:22

This would rub me the wrong way too OP - I know many others are saying it’s normal but it’s not to me. I find it rude and inconsiderate, however, I also think I probably would’ve forgotten about it quite soon. If it’s still on your mind now, I wonder if it’s indicative of a wider pattern of behaviour? Or maybe how you feel that the way your DH and PIL treat you is generally a bit dismissive and inconsiderate and this was a manifestation of that?

2dogsandabudgie · 16/02/2026 12:23

I can't see a problem with this. I think if the bill has been paid then it's more awkward to sit at the table and wait for someone to come back from the toilet, especially if they're a long time.

pikkumyy77 · 16/02/2026 12:25

My DH wouldn’t have left me at 8 months pregnant. He probably would have waited for me near the loo.

ScribblingPixie · 16/02/2026 12:26

No, it's off. Not terrible but impolite of your in-laws and inconsiderate of your husband - I suppose he gets it from them. I'd ask him explicitly to do considerate things until he gets it.

RudolphRNR · 16/02/2026 12:27

I’m surprised at the responses. With a group meal, I think it’s rude to leave without saying goodbye to everyone. So if one person had gone to the toilet, I probably would have still put my coat on and perhaps even gone to the door/outside the door. But then I would wait until that person re-appeared to say goodnight/thanks for coming to my meal/see you soon/drive safely/etc. I would never get up and leave a group meal without saying goodbye - rude!

But that said, I would not be stewing on it for weeks or months (or years?!) afterwards. I’d just accept that’s how those (rude) people are and be prepared for it next time.

Alpacajigsaw · 16/02/2026 12:27

Surely if they weren’t at the table you would have surmised they’d have gone back to the car? I don’t see why you needed to ask the waiter - where else would they have gone? Or what you being pregnant had to do with it

Alpacajigsaw · 16/02/2026 12:29

tokennamechange · 16/02/2026 12:13

need more info about exactly what happened.

Unlike most of the posters I do think it's a bit weird to leave the (warm) restaurant to sit in a cold car for someone. I absolutely would wait for someone to come back from the toilet, in DH's (i.e. the person you were driving home with) to walk to the car together. It's not like him waiting outside is going to make her go any faster!

In the case of everyone else, if they literally just left the restaurant and drove home without saying goodbye, I also think that was rude.

I don't understand people who feel they have to leg it out of a restaurant the moment the bill is paid, it puts a dampener on the evening, as if it was an unpleasant chore they're glad is over. Absolutely don't linger for hours, as the restaurant needs the table back, but taking 5 mins to go to the loo, put coats on, say goodbye, etc., whether it happens at the table/in the foyer/entrance hall or just outside, is much nicer.

In this case OP had her DH but if people think it is fine to do generally, what happens if it's someone who came alone - OP could have tripped/started early labour/have car trouble and all her friends would have already pissed off home!

Yes but she was in a restaurant with other people around, not stranded in the middle of the Yorkshire moors or something. She could ask for help in those extremely unlikely scenarios you have painted

trappedCatAsleepOnMe · 16/02/2026 12:30

I don't think it's normal - we usually wait for each other but we don't have cars to go sit in and are usually going to same place with IL after ie out somehwere else of back to ours as not local. If we'd left the table we'd be near the toilets or door.

8 months pg needing the loo more frequently not abnormal. I do wonder if DH said to leave to them rather than hang round waiting- though if not at table I'd have gone to car park to look for car I persuably came in and then phoned DH to ask where he was if I couldn't find for some reason.

Happyjoe · 16/02/2026 12:31

If they had said "meet you in the car park" that would've been fine.
They didn't, so it's pretty naff.

YourOliveBalonz · 16/02/2026 12:31

I’m with you OP, as you were all presumably going your separate ways it would be normal to wait for you, inside or outside, and then for everyone to say goodbye - not just drive off. I would also expect my husband to be waiting for me specifically, it seems inconsiderate and uncaring without saying a word about it.

Olderandwiserpossibly · 16/02/2026 12:35

Yet another thread where so many posters seem to think showing consideration and good manners to someone you are supposed to care about is not necessary.
Of course your DH should have waited for you and not buggered off out of the restaurant leaving you in the toilet.

LamonicBibber1 · 16/02/2026 12:36

Nah, they were thoughtless and rude. It takes all of ten seconds to say "we'll meet you at the car".

LucyLoo1972 · 16/02/2026 12:36

I dont mean to be rude but this is such a minor thing to be bothered by. I had so much bad treatment from my parents and my husabnd that I went into psychosis and lost everything. my problem wa that I never challenged anything. my husband would sometimes be 45 mins late to meet me late at night. and he also didnt like me spending money. my whole life and career id world os hard for was destroyed. you really should be tihnakfu lief thats all you've got to worry about. my father made threats to me as an 80 year old man and I ahd to call the police.

Lighterandbrighter · 16/02/2026 12:37

How long were you in the toilet for if everyone was sat down when you left and then had time to get their coats, pay the bill, say goodbye and go separate ways?!
I'd have expected my DH to be by the entrance though.

Lighterandbrighter · 16/02/2026 12:37

LucyLoo1972 · 16/02/2026 12:36

I dont mean to be rude but this is such a minor thing to be bothered by. I had so much bad treatment from my parents and my husabnd that I went into psychosis and lost everything. my problem wa that I never challenged anything. my husband would sometimes be 45 mins late to meet me late at night. and he also didnt like me spending money. my whole life and career id world os hard for was destroyed. you really should be tihnakfu lief thats all you've got to worry about. my father made threats to me as an 80 year old man and I ahd to call the police.

None of this is relevant to the OPs post. Sorry you've had a tough time, but you need to reflect on that, not put it on the OP.

Alpacajigsaw · 16/02/2026 12:37

Happyjoe · 16/02/2026 12:31

If they had said "meet you in the car park" that would've been fine.
They didn't, so it's pretty naff.

Edited

Yes I agree but it’s weird to be bothered about it more than about 5 minutes later

LamonicBibber1 · 16/02/2026 12:39

@LucyLoo1972 not to dismiss your personal experience, but it's kind of irrelevant to compare the two. OP is feeling hurt, and that's also valid. It's not a race to the bottom of experiencing the worst trauma; she may be feeling more vulnerable due to heavy pregnancy, it changes the dynamic in the group if her husband's family are a bit odd, and regardless it feels very dismissive to be abandoned in such a casual way.

But even without reason, or comparison, she's still ok to feel how she feels .

Queenoftartts · 16/02/2026 12:39

More context needed here. Was the restaurant busy? Did they need the table for the next lot of diners? Was the restaurant hot and stuffy. When it's like that I can't wait to get outside in the fresh air. It's not like they drove off and completely abandoned you.

UncannyFanny · 16/02/2026 12:40

I’ve heard of overthinking about absolutely nothing but this is ridiculous.