DH and family left me alone in a restaurant

[TemporaryWombat]

This didn’t happen recently but it still bugs me! Went out for a meal for MIL birthday, I was 8 months pregnant and at the end of the meal FIL paid the bill - I stood up and told DH I was going to the toilet, went (I wasn’t long) came back and everyone had buggered off! I was stood there embarrassed asking the waiters where everyone was. I went to the car park and wandered around in the dark trying to find DH car.

AIBU or is it really inconsiderate to just leave? DH sees no fault and said the meal was over and it was obvious we were all leaving. It felt very crappy and definitely not something I would do or my family.

I'm laughing at the comments saying her DH should have phoned to let her know where they were 😂If I went to the loo in a restaurant (after the bill had been paid) and then my DH rung me to tell me they had left the restaurant and were stood outside, I'd think he'd lost the bloody plot. I think it's fairly obvious where people are going to be if they've finished the meal and are no longer sat at the table!!!

if this didn’t happen recently, why are you still dwelling on it! Hubby met you in his car after the meal? Really would nt bother me?!?

I think it's rude. If we were still seated with you said it we would wait at the table for you. If we were already stood we might sit down again, or say we would wait by the door (inside). I definitely wouldn't walk off to the car! Some people just don't have any manners.

I wouldn't mind if my in laws had left if they were in a separate car and I wouldn't have minded if DH had said "we'll see you at the car" but just to vanish is a bit thoughtless.

I don’t agree that it was normal depending on the circumstances just before you left. I am imagining that you were all sat at the table, the bills just been settled. People aren’t making moves yet, no one’s putting their coat on, you’ve said that you’ll just pop to the loo and left them chatting at the table. You’ve returned and they’ve all left, when there was no indication that they planned to leave right that second. I would have just waited for my DW, and I’d expect my parents to wait so they could say bye actually.

Different story if you went to the loo as they were all standing up putting coats on etc. as if they’d already started making moves then it would be weird for them to sit there with their coats on waiting for you, and couldn’t have been that surprising that they’d gone outside to wait

But I also would have let it go a long time ago lol

I’m clearly going against the grain here but DH and I always wait for each other. It’s 2 minutes. Why wouldn’t you just wait and walk together?

If he just left while I was in the loo I’d be confused. It’s mean.

so they just went outside? Did they drive away and leave you?

I would have thought with you being 8 months pregnant your DH would have waited for you outside and walked together to the car. Especially as it was dark. If it was a one-off inconsiderate moment then try to let it go. If it’s amongst many others, then yes blow your top 🤬

I really don’t see the issue here or why you were so confused and felt the need to ask waiters where everyone had gone. I’d think it was pretty obvious if the bill was paid and I returned to find an empty table I’d just assumed they were all outside

They were bloody rude. I would be pissed off too, pregnant or not.
The height of bad manners and plenty of these posts reflect the demise in common courtesy in our society.

I think it depends on how far the car was, at 8 months pregnant I was still working and could easily walk out a restaurant and to the car without an escort.

Jesus christ.

Why do people keep commenting on the fact it was dark like women are incapable of walking anywhere when it's not broad daylight!

Recently it's been dark at 4-5pm here. I leave work in the dark, go to the supermarket / gym / friends houses in the dark... I'm not suddenly blind and unable to see my car?!

Me too, but I’m also unsure why she had to ask the waiters as you said, I’d just have assumed they’d went outside, but also I can’t work out why she couldn’t find the car and had to go wandering round. They must have went in different vehicles and been one of those multi storey car parks.

Agreed.
You can't explain basic shit like this to people who are dragged up and know no better, they simply aren't capable of grasping it.

He's ignorant and so are his family.
That you were heavily pregnant is even worse.

Don't doubt yourself OP, yanbu.
I would be very wary of such a man.
Actions not words count.
His actions were poor, his defending them are worse.

Bet it won't be the last time he lets himself and you down.

Good grief, at least we aren’t going nuts on line and hurling abuse;

Think it has to do with OP vulnerability at 8/12 pregnant & the thoughtlessness of her family. They could have said before she went you ok getting to the car? , or her husband could have waited for her. Nothing to do with capability it has something to do being cherished. These family & husband are the type of people who turn up day after delivery & except OP to wait on them. I’ve took patients back into hospital because their family wasn’t looking after them.

Ofcourse you could, most pregnant people can. It’s just most DH’s would care enough for their wife carrying their child to wait and walk together.

She was clearly capable of getting to the car, she wandered round looking for it, I suspect her husband knew what she was capable of, he lives with her, so wouldn’t need to check if she was capable of exiting the restaurant and walking to the car.

look Most women at 8 months pregnant can exit a restaurant and walk to the car in the car park. Most are working still.

i really abhor this approach that we are such delicate incapable people we need so much support. We don’t, it is an exit from the restaurant over to the car.

‘why she couldn’t find it remains to be seen.

Trip hazards maybe - falling when 8 months pregnant is not ideal.

This happened to a friend of mine. 8 months pregnant and fell. Unborn baby died. Horrific ending.

I guess if you're pregnant and it's an unlit car park it's probably easier to trip and fall over, which could of course have horrible consequences. I am not a 'every pregnant woman should be wrapped in cotton wool' person at all but leaving your wife to go an sit in a car (why?) shows a lack of care.

Well my DH and I have two kids, 17 and 15, and we always all wait until we’re all ready to leave the restaurant together. TBH, until this thread I hadn’t even noticed that’s what we do. It’s just common decency.

Wasn’t very polite, but hardly worth dwelling on. Why on earth are you carrying this around with you?

A total non event, they had paid, the meal
was over. I’m surprised you had to ask a waitress where they had gone it would be obvious to most, also presumably you knew where the car was parked as you arrived at the restaurant in it. Probably time to let this go. As a family we do this all the time, if it’s winter it means the car can start getting warmed up or in summer it can cool down for a moment.

my husband and girls (when they were little ) used to find it hilarious to move the car if I popped to the loo, it became a bit of a game of let’s trick mum, my girls would be in hysterics as I played along after the first trick and over played trying to find them. They hadn’t done it for years but this year on holiday with 2 almost grown children they got in the car and said to DH quick let’s move the car while mum’s on the loo.