What should I say to my 19 year old daughter who has already decided that she hates men?

[JMSA]

I don’t know, I guess it just saddens me that she holds this negative view of the world already. I received this text from her tonight:

I feel so enraged by the Epstein files. It is like documented proof men are evil. This is what men will do when they have power and think they will get away with it because that’s their nature. The poor woman and kids, it’s sick.

I’m fed up of saying ‘it’s not all men’.
She really hasn’t known many nice teenage boys. I daresay social media has heavily coloured her view too. I don’t want to dismiss her feelings but don’t want to encourage the notion that all men are evil!

Tell her about Myra Hindley (and others) and say it’s like saying she hates Muslims etc.

Why is she not allowed to express the opinion that she did to you?

Nothing in it says she hates all men.

I think she’s right.

Lucky her. Most women don't come to this realisation until they're much older.

Yes, but I’m not going by this text on its own. She will say that she hates men.
And I never said that she wasn’t allowed to express her opinion.

I’m happy dd1 is gay - her girlfriend is lovely. Her younger sisters aren’t gay but find all the boys at school revolting except one who is a friend. The levels of misogyny are off the scale. I feel the world has gone backwards.

😅

I don't really understand why her text is a problem. She is showing empathy, outrage at the injustice, and she's got a point of view that she can speak strongly on and isn't people pleasing.

Sounds like a win to me.

Very smart young woman

I agree that we don’t seem to be moving forward as much as we should.

Nothing. That age, they’re prone to ‘stances’.

I think my view of men was pretty low at her age.

Nothing I’ve seen in the following 43 years has changed my mind much

It’s not even about moving forward. My school life was so much different. Granted I went to an all girls school but we mixed with the boys school and there were a handful of gross guys but generally we had great conversations and hung out as equals.

😂

I’m a mum to adult children. I’d say nothing. Let her express her views. She’s only “ranting” to you like you would a friend, a colleague, a partner, whomever. I wouldn’t feel inclined to put her straight. One day she’ll fall in love and change her view on men …that day may never come. She’s still very young. Her views may or may not change. What’s the point in shutting her down? That’s the bit she’ll remember more tbh.

Talk to her about the media . Have a discussion about what you and her both know about the topic she’s mentioned rather than using it as on opportunity to desperately oppose what she feels. My family often go back and forth on current affairs, I’m not desperate to make them see my point of view. I appreciate this is an example though and you’ve clearly heard all this before…but let her express it, I can’t see the point in not.

Why do you feel the need to say "not all men"?

As women we are directly under threat from masculinity. Why shouldn't a young woman dislike the thing that's oppressing her?

I’ll always let her express her views, so please don’t worry about that 🙂 I’d never shut her down. I suppose I just didn’t expect her to be so jaded so young!

She’s 19. You don’t have to change her opinion on anything. With any luck she might encounter a man in the real world who’s not evil, and she might take a more moderate stance.

But, to be fair, what with Diddy & Epstein & co & all the awful men who drug their wives & invite strangers to rape them, it’s hardly a surprise she’s not convinced men are fantastic community-minded people who value the safety and dignity of their fellow human beings.

I actually don’t know! Maybe it’s what I feel I ‘should’ say.
Maybe I’m the one who’s got it wrong.

Thanks for your replies, everyone.

wise beyond her years - I’d encourage her to become a lesbian 🤣

I get more and more jaded as life goes on tbh.

she's right though

Presumably she has a decent dad so doesn’t need to be reminded that “not all men”, which btw just sounds like the kind of thing the type of men she’s talking about would say. Not all men, but always men.

I’d be delighted to have such a savvy kid