Page 23 | What should I say to my 19 year old daughter who has already decided that she hates men?

JMSA · 2026-02-03T22:36:55+00:00

I don’t know, I guess it just saddens me that she holds this negative view of the world already. I received this text from her tonight: *I feel so enraged by the Epstein files. It is like documented proof men are evil. This is what men will do when they have power and think they will get away with it because that’s their nature. The poor woman and kids, it’s sick.* I’m fed up of saying ‘it’s not all men’. She really hasn’t known many nice teenage boys. I daresay social media has heavily coloured her view too. I don’t want to dismiss her feelings but don’t want to encourage the notion that all men are evil!

JCS1000 · 11/02/2026 21:32

Good for her. She strikes me as a very bright woman. Many of us put up with so much cr*p when we are younger as we are conditioned to think that life is all about finding a man and getting married.

I’m sure she will have a wonderful life on her own terms.

Specialagentblond · 11/02/2026 22:15

Has she got good men around her? Her father? Uncles, cousins, family friends who don’t fit that narrative? Who treat women with respect? If so then point it out. I can understand why she might feel that way.
she may be feeling vulnerable and beginning to understand how some men might perceive her. Which is to be encouraged.

PeoniesAreMyFavouriteFlowers · 12/02/2026 00:31

JustSomeWaferThinHam · 11/02/2026 20:07

While I don’t disagree with your points (which is pretty much the same as Peony but thankfully less rude), it is not relevant to the point I was making to Changingforthis1 who was also rude (and ill informed).

Show quote history

I merely answered all your points.

you suggested I was 19. And others. That was rude.

seems you don’t like being treated the same way you treat others.

bellysgoneandgotme · 12/02/2026 01:25

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

JustSomeWaferThinHam · 12/02/2026 07:18

PeoniesAreMyFavouriteFlowers · 12/02/2026 00:31

I merely answered all your points.

you suggested I was 19. And others. That was rude.

seems you don’t like being treated the same way you treat others.

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You jumped in on a response to someone else with a comment not relevant to point i was making but quite similar to the views of OPs 19 year old daughter.

Plenty of teenagers post on this forum so I didn’t think it was an unreasonable suggestion (albeit slightly flippant), There’s nothing wrong with being 19 btw - my DD is 19.

PeoniesAreMyFavouriteFlowers · 12/02/2026 07:50

JustSomeWaferThinHam · 12/02/2026 07:18

You jumped in on a response to someone else with a comment not relevant to point i was making but quite similar to the views of OPs 19 year old daughter.

Plenty of teenagers post on this forum so I didn’t think it was an unreasonable suggestion (albeit slightly flippant), There’s nothing wrong with being 19 btw - my DD is 19.

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And yet you churn out being 19 on here like it’s a problem.

And it’s a public forum. Had you not noticed?

I think it’s you who has a lot of growing up to do.

Geoff1960 · 13/02/2026 19:11

I have been following this post because this is close to my heart. I have been I the same position with an Ex wife. She was not only emotionally and physically violent but her and friends would do sexual comments cruelty. She had consant affairs and blamed me because I was a long distance lorr(she said) I was never home but did not complain about the huge salary that went with it. Her friends used to mock me and openly accused me of being weak because I did not fight back. It was a big laugh to them to comment on how this man and that man was better in bed, it can only of come from her. I never retaliated because I don't hit women. Another weakness according to them. Every second Christmas I had to leave for work Christmas afternoon to catch a ferry to wherever I was going, I absolutely dreaded telling her because I knew the abuse was going to be vile. Then most January's her friends would then start on who she had over and what a dead loss I was. If I'm honest in the end I simply loved my truck more. I came home after a long trip and found her in bed with another man (it did not end well for the man) she insisted they had not had sex but they were naked. More abuse from her charming friends. It all ended when she had gone live with another man but begged to be let back in the house because she was pregnant and needed help. I told her no but she just sat in her car outside and eventually I told her to sleep in the spare room.(weak again) .This was a massive laugh to her and her friends how she had pulled the wool over my eyes once again. It all ended when I simply left and stayed away, she even sold my best Friend dolly my dog who used to come with me, when allowed. If men are vile they deserve what they get. Men are vultures and I would never allow a women to be abused by a man even I did not know her. I have told this story because it goes both ways, it's no t new this was forty years ago. All I can say is follow your instincts if it doesn't feel right then it probably isn't.

WaryCrow · 14/02/2026 00:40

Men are afraid that women will laugh at them.

Women are afraid that men will kill them.

With good reason. Men are the most dangerous animals on this planet. Fed up of the false equivalences and pathetic male whataboutery.

Geoff1960 · 14/02/2026 09:19

Warycrow if your referring to to me then you are mistaken. I was not and never been afraid of anyone. It was not just laughing it was abuse and there's more than one way to kill someone. I was simply pointing our that it goes both ways and some of my friends were worse off than me, at least I could escape in my truck. I find how some comments say how wrong it is to be abused by sexual intimidation of a woman then we get you saying men are afraid of being laughed at. Goes both ways. So if it's a woman doing it's just a laugh if it's a man it's abuse. You can't have both ways. I think your name on here says it all. It's a proven psychological fact that we tend to pick the same type over and over and it's us that needs to change their brain not the ones we choose because their all the same.goodluck

falalalalalalalallama · 15/02/2026 09:40

Geoff1960 · 14/02/2026 09:19

Warycrow if your referring to to me then you are mistaken. I was not and never been afraid of anyone. It was not just laughing it was abuse and there's more than one way to kill someone. I was simply pointing our that it goes both ways and some of my friends were worse off than me, at least I could escape in my truck. I find how some comments say how wrong it is to be abused by sexual intimidation of a woman then we get you saying men are afraid of being laughed at. Goes both ways. So if it's a woman doing it's just a laugh if it's a man it's abuse. You can't have both ways. I think your name on here says it all. It's a proven psychological fact that we tend to pick the same type over and over and it's us that needs to change their brain not the ones we choose because their all the same.goodluck

It's a well known quote. I think you need to spend a bit more time trying to work out what it means as it's obviously gone over your head.

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 15/02/2026 11:15

Geoff1960 · 14/02/2026 09:19

Warycrow if your referring to to me then you are mistaken. I was not and never been afraid of anyone. It was not just laughing it was abuse and there's more than one way to kill someone. I was simply pointing our that it goes both ways and some of my friends were worse off than me, at least I could escape in my truck. I find how some comments say how wrong it is to be abused by sexual intimidation of a woman then we get you saying men are afraid of being laughed at. Goes both ways. So if it's a woman doing it's just a laugh if it's a man it's abuse. You can't have both ways. I think your name on here says it all. It's a proven psychological fact that we tend to pick the same type over and over and it's us that needs to change their brain not the ones we choose because their all the same.goodluck

It’s a famous quote.
The meaning has gone over your head though clearly.

bigboykitty · 15/02/2026 12:51

Geoff is ably demonstrating why Mumsnet should only be for women.

AllTheReasons · 15/02/2026 14:27

Geoff1960 · 14/02/2026 09:19

Warycrow if your referring to to me then you are mistaken. I was not and never been afraid of anyone. It was not just laughing it was abuse and there's more than one way to kill someone. I was simply pointing our that it goes both ways and some of my friends were worse off than me, at least I could escape in my truck. I find how some comments say how wrong it is to be abused by sexual intimidation of a woman then we get you saying men are afraid of being laughed at. Goes both ways. So if it's a woman doing it's just a laugh if it's a man it's abuse. You can't have both ways. I think your name on here says it all. It's a proven psychological fact that we tend to pick the same type over and over and it's us that needs to change their brain not the ones we choose because their all the same.goodluck

Whoosh.

The type of men mumsnet attracts….🤢

Geoff1960 · 15/02/2026 18:31

Warycrow if your referring to to me then you are mistaken. I was not and never been afraid of anyone. It was not just laughing it was abuse and there's more than one way to kill someone. I was simply pointing our that it goes both ways and some of my friends were worse off than me, at least I could escape in my truck. I find how some comments say how wrong it is to be abused by sexual intimidation of a woman then we get you saying men are afraid of being laughed at. Goes both ways. So if it's a woman doing it's just a laugh if it's a man it's abuse. You can't have both ways. I think your name on here says it all. It's a proven psychological fact that we tend to pick the same type over and over and it's us that needs to change their brain not the ones we choose because their all the same.goodluck.

bigboykitty · 15/02/2026 18:33

Geoff1960 · 15/02/2026 18:31

Warycrow if your referring to to me then you are mistaken. I was not and never been afraid of anyone. It was not just laughing it was abuse and there's more than one way to kill someone. I was simply pointing our that it goes both ways and some of my friends were worse off than me, at least I could escape in my truck. I find how some comments say how wrong it is to be abused by sexual intimidation of a woman then we get you saying men are afraid of being laughed at. Goes both ways. So if it's a woman doing it's just a laugh if it's a man it's abuse. You can't have both ways. I think your name on here says it all. It's a proven psychological fact that we tend to pick the same type over and over and it's us that needs to change their brain not the ones we choose because their all the same.goodluck.

It's not all about you Geoff. And it's neither the time nor the place to be honest.

SleeplessInWherever · 15/02/2026 18:39

Well @Geoff1960 when I was 19 and my boyfriend was choking me to the point I passed out, maybe I should have informed him that there’s more than way to kill someone and he should consider other means.

Nobody here is laughing at a woman who abuses her husband. The fact remains however that men hold the physical upper hand, and most women have found that out the hard way.

I wouldn’t suggest that female abuse doesn’t happen, of course it does, the issue however isn’t as widespread. There is no VAMAB epidemic. Female pattern violence isn’t a phrase for a reason.

That doesn’t undermine your experience, it’s just less common.

Geoff1960 · 15/02/2026 18:59

In my world the percentages are immaterial. Regardless of what sex you are if you commit a crime and get caught then suffer the consequences. Women do commit rape murder etc. I have no idea why there's a huge difference apart from when the human race began that's how it was. Men were the hunters and these idiots still live in this in dinosaur world . I also like to add that it is the over privileged that do most of these crimes because they think the law won't otouch them , unfortunately that's true. I live in the UK and there's a huge row with Andrew. Has he stood trial no he paid her off . Its not just men girls . I note that no one has commented on the abuse I suffered apart from one who at best was taking the p...
Real men don't hit or abuse anyone . Many of my ex wife's lovers had some issues with me but I never laid a finger on her. Weak maybe but that's the old school world I live in.

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 15/02/2026 19:03

Geoff1960 · 15/02/2026 18:59

In my world the percentages are immaterial. Regardless of what sex you are if you commit a crime and get caught then suffer the consequences. Women do commit rape murder etc. I have no idea why there's a huge difference apart from when the human race began that's how it was. Men were the hunters and these idiots still live in this in dinosaur world . I also like to add that it is the over privileged that do most of these crimes because they think the law won't otouch them , unfortunately that's true. I live in the UK and there's a huge row with Andrew. Has he stood trial no he paid her off . Its not just men girls . I note that no one has commented on the abuse I suffered apart from one who at best was taking the p...
Real men don't hit or abuse anyone . Many of my ex wife's lovers had some issues with me but I never laid a finger on her. Weak maybe but that's the old school world I live in.

Come back and talk to me when men don’t murder 2 women a week…

SleeplessInWherever · 15/02/2026 19:22

@Geoff1960 - we’ve discussed this, women cannot rape. They can be accessories to rape, they cannot rape. It is a biological impossibility.

Abusing women isn’t just the sport of people with privilege.

I don’t think you’re hearing what anyone is saying to you.

Whilst I don’t think anyone is unsympathetic that your ex wife was abusive, if your aim is to convince women that we’re as “bad,” you’re barking up the wrong tree. In the wrong forest.

Geoff1960 · 15/02/2026 19:25

Look girls I am not defending men I am simply saying that men, including myself suffer at the hands of women. Mine was not only psychological but physical as well. I do not believe in hitting a woman regardless of circumstances . The percentages are immaterial. In my world if a man is abusing a woman then he's a weak moron. It seems to me that if a man's getting abused he should man up . Why? The police laugh in your face because you should just give her slap. ( QUOTE). Crime is crime but women seem to think there the only victims. At the time of my abuse I thought nothing of it until my mental health started to suffer I struggled to do my job. One commented on here that men should accept abuse because its a laugh ti them. Double standards .

Theboredpanda · 15/02/2026 19:35

Have to say I agree with her. Is she in the privileged position of being gay or bi? I’m so glad I’m gay and really hoping my dd will be too! Although I’m preparing myself for the worst, as statistically she’s much more likely to be straight.

However, if your dd is exclusively into men, she’s still very young and probably very disillusioned by the boys & men she’s met so far. The more life experience she gets the more she’ll discover for herself that there are some good ones out there and her opinion will slowly change. At least she’s aware of how shitty men can be, therefore hopefully less likely to get into an abusive relationship or put up with shitty behaviour in a relationship. I’d be grateful and proud of her for that. I don’t think there’s much you can do to change her opinion, it’s something she’s going to have to learn for herself

Theboredpanda · 15/02/2026 19:39

Geoff1960 · 15/02/2026 19:25

Look girls I am not defending men I am simply saying that men, including myself suffer at the hands of women. Mine was not only psychological but physical as well. I do not believe in hitting a woman regardless of circumstances . The percentages are immaterial. In my world if a man is abusing a woman then he's a weak moron. It seems to me that if a man's getting abused he should man up . Why? The police laugh in your face because you should just give her slap. ( QUOTE). Crime is crime but women seem to think there the only victims. At the time of my abuse I thought nothing of it until my mental health started to suffer I struggled to do my job. One commented on here that men should accept abuse because its a laugh ti them. Double standards .

The “look girls” intro says it all 🤣

SleeplessInWherever · 15/02/2026 19:40

@Geoff1960

It’s really not advised to call grown women “girls.”

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 15/02/2026 19:48

Geoff1960 · 15/02/2026 19:25

Look girls I am not defending men I am simply saying that men, including myself suffer at the hands of women. Mine was not only psychological but physical as well. I do not believe in hitting a woman regardless of circumstances . The percentages are immaterial. In my world if a man is abusing a woman then he's a weak moron. It seems to me that if a man's getting abused he should man up . Why? The police laugh in your face because you should just give her slap. ( QUOTE). Crime is crime but women seem to think there the only victims. At the time of my abuse I thought nothing of it until my mental health started to suffer I struggled to do my job. One commented on here that men should accept abuse because its a laugh ti them. Double standards .

‘Percentages are immaterial’
Except they’re not are they @Geoff1960

Futurehappiness · 15/02/2026 20:02

Geoff1960 · 15/02/2026 19:25

Look girls I am not defending men I am simply saying that men, including myself suffer at the hands of women. Mine was not only psychological but physical as well. I do not believe in hitting a woman regardless of circumstances . The percentages are immaterial. In my world if a man is abusing a woman then he's a weak moron. It seems to me that if a man's getting abused he should man up . Why? The police laugh in your face because you should just give her slap. ( QUOTE). Crime is crime but women seem to think there the only victims. At the time of my abuse I thought nothing of it until my mental health started to suffer I struggled to do my job. One commented on here that men should accept abuse because its a laugh ti them. Double standards .

'Look girls' - pretty much says everything about your respect (or lack of) for women's perspective.

Most people don't condone psychological abuse or claim that women can't ever be guilty of it or should not be punished for their crimes. I am sorry that you have been a victim of this by your ex, but when it comes to lethal violence perpetrated by one sex against the other it is overwhelmingly by men against women. You are trying to claim there is an equivalence where there isn't one. Men have a huge physical advantage and very many of them use it; the VAWAG statistics speak for themselves.

Sorry that those around you have been less than sympathetic to you but it has to be said that if some of the patronising obtuseness you have displayed in your posts is discernible irl that may work against you receiving the support you deserve. Calling grown women 'girls' is unwise and will cause you to lose sympathy on here. I advise you to stop doing that.