Single SIL never hosting

[Startrekobsessed]

The inevitable Christmas conversation has come in our household. We alternate between mine and my husbands family and this year it’s my husbands families ‘turn’. Sometimes we host and sometimes my MIL hosts.

I’ve noticed that my SIL has never hosted, in 15 years,, and I’m wondering if this is normal, it doesn’t feel it. When we host it’s usually just me doing the cooking because my husband has to entertain the kids (we tried to get in laws to do it but they just want to watch tv) so I don’t see the arguement that she’s one person and it would be too much work. She lives in a 3 bed house so has the space to host so I’m wondering why she doesn’t. It’s like I can see my life stretching out in front of me and us always hosting Christmas when in laws are eventually unable to, and her never needing to, just because we are a couple.

is this normal?? Should we try address it and suggest she hosts this/ one year? Grateful for your views!

You don't have to host at all. Just say you're having a quiet Christmas by yourself. Your SIL can spend it with her parents, if she wants.

My kids massively prefer Christmas in their own home. Maybe she did too as a child, and is therefore assuming yours feel same ? Might be coming from a place of respecting you / your children rather than cba?

Don't you ever spend it with your family, just you and the kids?

I’d just say, “why don’t you host this year SIL?” It’s not exactly offensive

What is her financial situation like? Without knowing this I can't say. One person has to earn quite a bit to make up to two people's salaries. Can she afford to host everyone at an expensive time of year? I speak from experience as there is a similar situation in my family.

I have never and would never host an event, can't imagine many less enjoyable ways to spend my time😄

As PPs have said, you can choose what way you want to spend the day, whether that's hosting your husbands relatives or not.

OP, if for whatever reason she doesn’t want to host, why make her? Just because you host sometimes doesn’t mean she has to. There’s a vast difference between entertaining one extra person, and having a family with children round. To me, it’s perfectly normal that parents of adult children host (they want to see their DC and DGC) or that someone with children hosts if the other “family” is a single person. I’m sure the DC are happier at yours or at DGPs than in a house with an auntie who doesn’t have DC and is not set up for them.

Just don't host. Give advance notice you won't be doing Christmas dinner this year and leave it at that. If in-laws/sister aren't prepared to share, they can't come every single year. Id be happy to host if people contributed and helped out. I'm not being a slave to people sitting on their arses all day.

Yep this!

Could you suggest people bring different pre prepared things? To save you the hassle in the kitchen. If you do still want to host.

I think the job of hosting should fall to those who really want a big family Christmas. If you want that (eg so your kids spend time with their grandparents) whereas others are more "could take it or leave it" about having a family Christmas, the responsibility falls to you.

If everyone did want it equally, at least 4 of the people who need to be fed and cleaned up after are with you, and only 1 is her, so you should host 4 times for every 1 time she hosts.

No it doesn’t mean she ‘has’ to but we are very much expected to so why isn’t she? I wouldn’t expect MIL to host every year that’s not fair on her either, she has to host SIL on the years we are with my family.

I understand the having it just our small family but frankly I like big family Christmases so don’t want to deprive my children of that, I’m just unsure why we aren’t spreading the load between 3 of us instead of 2

Do she actually do anything to help OP? Or bring anything?

I can understand if it meant staying in her house over Christmas, but not otherwise.

I get your point op, the burden of hosting is always on me and my DH. It’s all so difficult and complicated for other family members and we do it so well apparently

can she not help your DH with the kids or you in the kitchen at least?

Why is it always called ‘hosting’ on here? Have we gone back to Victorian times? Bizarre

So what?
Smart lady. You know, OP, I NEVER hosted in my life, and didn't miss much? 😂

Maybe she doesn’t want people judging her like you do?

At the only single in the family at one point I did used to host. A good 10 people on some occasions.

What do you call it?

What else do you call it? That's what we call it in real life as well?

Absolutely this. As a single person for quite some years, I couldn’t afford to host everyone and wouldn’t have been comfortable asking people to contribute to drinks and food.

She’ll do some veg prep on the day and helps with the washing up, so it’s not that she doesn’t do anything at all. But she doesn’t have to sort the whole day plus all the mental load of it, ever. She’s never contributed anything or brought anything with her, MIL does though.

I guess I don’t want to wait another 15 years for the kids to be grown up and only then be able to say are you going to host now? I’m sure it will feel too late by then!

I completely get that for some people it’s very expensive and they can’t afford it. She earns around £80k and doesn’t have a mortgage so she isn’t one of these people.

What is one more plate on the table. Hosting you would be catering to a whole family, but having just her over is really no big deal.

How have I judged her? I’m asking whether I can broach that she’s never hosted or whether it’s normal for people who live alone not to