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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Stranger asked for sex.

448 replies

SoreHeadAgainnnnn · 10/03/2025 10:51

So this was really weird!! ...

(For context, I'm late 40s, married 20yrs, two kids, two dogs, average and tired looking!)

I took my dogs out for a walk yesterday. We were walking through a field and I heard a man's voice. Looked up and there was a man on a bike (maybe late 20s/early 30s, scruffy looking (the mum in me thought 'you could do with a bath') on the adjacent path (which is just up the bank from where I was - so maybe 15 foot away or so)).

He said 'can you have sex with me?'. I thought I must have misheard so asked him to repeat what he said and he said 'can you have sex with me?' Again I thought I can't have heard right! So I said 'can I have what?' and he said 'sex' and repeated 'sex' a few times, then was quite insistent 'can we have sex??'

I told him No. No! Several times. They, in a really kid like voice he said 'pleeeeeeeeeeaase' like he was begging me for some screen time or sweets!! I said 'no. No way. Go and find yourself a girlfriend'.

Then he sounded quite annoyed and said 'why not?' in a way that made it sound like I was being unreasonable to deny him sex!!!! I said 'well for starters I'm married!' (though there were obviously MULTIPLE reasons why I would not have sex with some random stranger in a field!!!!) At that point he went on his way!

It was quite intimidating and I can't believe he just thought it was ok to ask this!!

Further along the walk, I went into some woods. I was feeling a bit worried I'd bump into him or he'd come back and rape me (catastophising I know, but anyway..) then I saw two large trowel type tools - which looked like weapons like kind of wide trowel shaped swords, really big with serrated edges, stuck down in a tree trunk'. It completely freaked me out!!

My dogs and I survived the walk !! But so many weird things have happened on that walk in the last few months, with yesterday's two incidents being the worst.

AIBU never to walk the dogs there again?

But I have nowhere else walking distance to walk them!

Also - do a anyone know what these trowel shaped weapons are? I tried to Google 'large trowel shaped weapons serrated edge' but nothing like what I saw came up! Anyone know why they might've been there? (They definitely weren't innocently left by the charitable tree planting types. These were definitely purposely put there and looked like a signal or warning or something. They also looked expensive so I kept looking around as I can't imagine the person who put them there would've been far away as they wouldn't want to loose them or get them nicked)

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SoreHeadAgainnnnn · 10/03/2025 10:51

Sorry that was a long post!

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MrsSkylerWhite · 10/03/2025 10:52

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Ahsheeit · 10/03/2025 10:52

I think I would have reported this to the police. He's either unwell, dangerous or both.

Getupandgogo · 10/03/2025 10:53

I'd report that! Allows the police to build a picture of a potential maniac

ThreeMagicNumber · 10/03/2025 10:53

Did you report it to the police incase anything happens in the area to anyone and for them to go look and remove what could be used as weapons potentially or found by young kids who are up there?

SoreHeadAgainnnnn · 10/03/2025 10:53

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It absolutely is real

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Ringgogo · 10/03/2025 10:54

Report to police rather than ask MN !

neverknowinglyunreasonable · 10/03/2025 10:54

Have you told the police? You should.

TimeForATerf · 10/03/2025 10:54

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This, why on earth would you not call the police immediately.

PermanentTemporary · 10/03/2025 10:55

Perhaps he's sleeping rough and is using the tools to dig a toilet trench? But yes to reporting to police.

SoreHeadAgainnnnn · 10/03/2025 10:55

Thanks. I will phone the police today. Just feels a bit weird reporting 'some random asked me for sex' and there 'were some trowel type weapons in a tree'? Will they even do anything?

(When I got hit by a car and broke bones in a hit and run, the police did nothing! So i feel like they'll just laugh at me over this?)

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BarneyRonson · 10/03/2025 10:55

Tell your local WhatsApp group etc too. He’s not right in the head. I would’ve removed the trowels and I’d walk with a mace spray.

Chunkilumptious · 10/03/2025 10:55

I'd let the police know, they can hopefully go and remove the trowel things at least if they're still there

Chunkilumptious · 10/03/2025 10:56

And yes mention if you've got a local group

miamimmmy · 10/03/2025 10:56

Yep id report to police too - he’s pestering women, you’re unlikely to be the only one and I’d want to for my conscience in case he approaches anyone else. I’d change walking route for a while yes til he moves on/gets dealt with.

Mischance · 10/03/2025 10:56

Report to police right now.

If it ever happens again do not engage in a conversation - just walk swiftly away.

Ooohee · 10/03/2025 10:57

I really feel like you’re minimising this.

You should’ve reported it straight away.

ErrolTheDragon · 10/03/2025 10:57

Leaving aside the total weirdo...!
Did you take a photo of the tools?
There are serrated, rather knife like Japanese trowels called hori horis but they're not large , about the size of a sheath knife. Not the sort of thing you'd expect to see lying around anyway.

ButterCrackers · 10/03/2025 10:58

Contact the police right now to let them know what happened. Do not walk that route for awhile. Alert the local community.

StrawberrySquash · 10/03/2025 10:58

Ew, Ew, Ew. Agree on the reporting to police. My initial instinct is it's a similar sort of motivation to a flasher in that he's getting a kick out of doing something inappropriate. It's just weird frankly, but I'd definitely want a record, and I suspect you won't be the only person to have had this sort of run in.

Mischance · 10/03/2025 10:58

I do not think the police will laugh at you over this. These sort of encounters can lead to assaults - they are not going to take that lightly. And the presence of potential weapons in a public place is definitely no laughing matter.

Polecat07 · 10/03/2025 11:00

The tool you describe sounds familiar, my husband has one, he's military, I'll ask him about it. It could have been left behind from people on exercise in the woods?

Jk987 · 10/03/2025 11:02

Report it straight away. Go online and do it for quickness.

ModernLife1sRubbish · 10/03/2025 11:03

Sorry this happened to you. I'm not surprised you didn't immediately tell the police, especially if they have been unhelpful in the past. It must have felt very surreal.

It is very worrying behaviour though and I would definitely report it now.

SoreHeadAgainnnnn · 10/03/2025 11:03

Polecat07 · 10/03/2025 11:00

The tool you describe sounds familiar, my husband has one, he's military, I'll ask him about it. It could have been left behind from people on exercise in the woods?

Thank you.

No, couldn't have been left by people on exercise as we aren't near a military base and the woods aren't big like the type used in military exercise, they are woods along a train like type thing by farming fields - so like scruffy woods if that makes sense! Rather than a large expanse of nice woods that the military might use!!

Thanks if you can ask your partner though. They could be military weapons used by a civilian and purchased from an army surplus type store I guess!

I looked up hori horis as suggest up thread, but they r a bit to small and not quite the trowel shaped I was thinking of. These were the shape of a spade on a playing card...

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