Stranger asked for sex.

[SoreHeadAgainnnnn]

So this was really weird!! ...

(For context, I'm late 40s, married 20yrs, two kids, two dogs, average and tired looking!)

I took my dogs out for a walk yesterday. We were walking through a field and I heard a man's voice. Looked up and there was a man on a bike (maybe late 20s/early 30s, scruffy looking (the mum in me thought 'you could do with a bath') on the adjacent path (which is just up the bank from where I was - so maybe 15 foot away or so)).

He said 'can you have sex with me?'. I thought I must have misheard so asked him to repeat what he said and he said 'can you have sex with me?' Again I thought I can't have heard right! So I said 'can I have what?' and he said 'sex' and repeated 'sex' a few times, then was quite insistent 'can we have sex??'

I told him No. No! Several times. They, in a really kid like voice he said 'pleeeeeeeeeeaase' like he was begging me for some screen time or sweets!! I said 'no. No way. Go and find yourself a girlfriend'.

Then he sounded quite annoyed and said 'why not?' in a way that made it sound like I was being unreasonable to deny him sex!!!! I said 'well for starters I'm married!' (though there were obviously MULTIPLE reasons why I would not have sex with some random stranger in a field!!!!) At that point he went on his way!

It was quite intimidating and I can't believe he just thought it was ok to ask this!!

Further along the walk, I went into some woods. I was feeling a bit worried I'd bump into him or he'd come back and rape me (catastophising I know, but anyway..) then I saw two large trowel type tools - which looked like weapons like kind of wide trowel shaped swords, really big with serrated edges, stuck down in a tree trunk'. It completely freaked me out!!

My dogs and I survived the walk !! But so many weird things have happened on that walk in the last few months, with yesterday's two incidents being the worst.

AIBU never to walk the dogs there again?

But I have nowhere else walking distance to walk them!

Also - do a anyone know what these trowel shaped weapons are? I tried to Google 'large trowel shaped weapons serrated edge' but nothing like what I saw came up! Anyone know why they might've been there? (They definitely weren't innocently left by the charitable tree planting types. These were definitely purposely put there and looked like a signal or warning or something. They also looked expensive so I kept looking around as I can't imagine the person who put them there would've been far away as they wouldn't want to loose them or get them nicked)

Can we stop victim blaming. Engage, don't engage, it often doesn't make a difference.
This happened in a park not that far from me. Four years, is nowhere near long enough.
www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/clyr97ey2keo.amp

This is a good idea. Kids might walk through there. Other dog owners, joggers etc.

You'd feel terrible if you heard of a rape or attack there in the coming weeks.

Describe him fully and ask people to share.

Almost exactly the same thing happened to me OP - without the begging because I practically ran off before he could say anything else! It was on my own street, the guy (who I’d never seen before) actually came out of his house to approach me. I was really shaken up and did actually report it to the police, turns out he is a known sex pest with mental health issues. It was quite helpful I reported it because it showed he was off his medication. I’d definitely let the police know x

You definitely can't walk the dogs there again. Not after this. It's dangerous. You've had a weird man ask you in broad daylight for sex and found strange weapons not far from him.

I don't know where else you go but it's not safe for you to be out there alone. Women are attacked every day, with and without dogs. Dogs are not enough to keep you safe. On Wimbledon Common a woman was murdered in broad daylight and her dog was beside her when the body was found. Dog didn't do anything. Not blaming the dog, just saying, dogs are not a protection in the face of someone evil.

They must be walked where other members of the public are visible at all times. Very sad but a sign of the times I'm sorry to say. I can only blame the incessant rise and availability of porn that some men think this sort of behaviour is normal? Fantasy blending into reality.

Were they like this:

https://www.screwfix.com/p/roughneck-dutch-sharp-edge-hoe/214KG?gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwvr--BhB5EiwAd5YbXurf2mdSfQqn9I08WTg3SP0P-o1FSlUrN9VHcNJtqdGGUs6AS7AxnxoCUlQQAvD_BwE

Sorry this happened no wonder you were freaked out!

I disagree though - had you called the police straight away when you were approached by this man, they would have come to find him.

I would have done that, especially because he was so insistent towards you, I’d be worried about him then approaching a teenager or someone else more vulnerable.

Likely nothing will happen by reporting later, but it will just be on record as you said.

Report to the police and get a bodycam
Cheap enough to buy

It's to preemptively counter accusations of "you were asking for it" with your audacious display of the rampant womanly carnality involved in walking down the street.

Remember, a female victim must be humble and demure or she is not the victim, the man is the victim of her wanton attempts to lure him to abandon his saintly principles of chasteness.

History has shown that being female while pretty/young/dressed nicely or wearing certain shoes/wearing makeup/having tits/smelling good/not covering the hair anywhere any man might possibly show up and be tempted by her display of sexiness...is "asking for it". Whoops, almost forgot my personal favourites, wearing lingerie invisibly under the clothes or having had knowledge of a man ever in her life. I'm sure there are plenty more examples of male fetishes that women must avoid, even if they don't know them, to be deemed worthy of true victim status.

That is why OP and many other women put themselves down. They do it before anyone else gets the chance to.

Call the police about this!!! Several middle age female dog walkers have been murdered in the last few years

It you had read the whole thread you would see she rang the police on Monday!!! 🙄 🙄 🙄 🙄 🙄

If you don't want to read the whole thread, go on the OP's post and click "see all".

I think people have unrealistic expectations of what the police will do.

Having reported this, as predicted, the police couldn't care less. They've filed it as antisocial behaviour, job done. They absolutely would not have rushed out and gone looking for him. Why would they? What would they arrest him for? It's a waste of police time and they wouldn't spend money on pursuing this.

I'm pleased people have such faith in the police. Maybe in other areas they take more action, but definitely where I live the threshold for them acting on anything, especially utilising an actual person and a car to go out, is very high.

I have reported because like others have said, if he does go on to do something else at least the intelligence is on file (if anyone actually ever was to connect the dots). I've done my duty.

This male is dangerous. You must report this to the Police.

If only you'd read the post RIGHT ABOVE your own... OP did this days ago, and unfortunately got nowhere 😕

I'm pleased you've reported it. Your initial response to this incident is very normal, to think it's weird & not report it immediately. However, now you've had a few people mention how dangerous this could've been, by reporting it you might have put a potential rapist on the map for the Police to keep a closer eye on the area so well done. Please find another area to walk your dog even if you walk it through the streets around your home it's so much safer than walking in an area that is secluded & away from other people.

Not sure if anyone has suggested this over the past 17 pages, but perhaps the OP should report this incident 😊.

Report the crime online. I had a pervy phonecard several years ago a man said 'I'm Jesus and I want to touch you' then started heavily panting. I hung up
Police were interested.

It had been reported and the police weren't interested.

I expect I'd be interested if Jesus rang me. My caller asked if I was wearing black stockings, I told him he must be thinking of my dad and hung up.

Ye gods!!

Sounds really frightening and you really need to report this. The tool sounds like something I've got for digging weeds out of the lawn.

Not intentionally nasty. I was concerned for this person.
Who are you to judge me??

You have absolutely not catastrophised.

Your reaction to being the victim of a criminal offence of harassment in an isolated area and seeing deadly weapons is absolutely normal- I would 100% feel the same way, as would most people.

She has reported this and the police are not interested.

Haha! When you put it like that! ;)

The thing is, we are all different. We have different life experiences to draw on, live in different areas of the country, and our past exposure to different crimes, police responses etc.. all plays into how we feel in a given moment, how we react and how we behave.

Assuming your post is tongue in cheek, then you may have felt very scared and called the police right away. But perhaps you haven't had weird things happen to you in the past. Perhaps when you've reported something in the past to police you've had a good response or perhaps you've never had to report anything, perhaps you are not used to dangerous situations so this would feel very scary etc..

There is no right or wrong way to be or to respond to certain triggers. I'm aware my responses are related to my history and upbringing and past exposure to various things (not least that I have worked extensively with offenders so my threshold for weird scary things is not really the same as people who have perhaps never spoke to a murderer or rapist and only get crime info from TV etc..). The reason I came on Mumsnet was for advice because sometimes it's hard to assess your own responses especially when they may be a little out of the norm and you are aware that that might be the case. I received advice to report from most people on this thread, which I've done.