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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stranger asked for sex.

448 replies

SoreHeadAgainnnnn · 10/03/2025 10:51

So this was really weird!! ...

(For context, I'm late 40s, married 20yrs, two kids, two dogs, average and tired looking!)

I took my dogs out for a walk yesterday. We were walking through a field and I heard a man's voice. Looked up and there was a man on a bike (maybe late 20s/early 30s, scruffy looking (the mum in me thought 'you could do with a bath') on the adjacent path (which is just up the bank from where I was - so maybe 15 foot away or so)).

He said 'can you have sex with me?'. I thought I must have misheard so asked him to repeat what he said and he said 'can you have sex with me?' Again I thought I can't have heard right! So I said 'can I have what?' and he said 'sex' and repeated 'sex' a few times, then was quite insistent 'can we have sex??'

I told him No. No! Several times. They, in a really kid like voice he said 'pleeeeeeeeeeaase' like he was begging me for some screen time or sweets!! I said 'no. No way. Go and find yourself a girlfriend'.

Then he sounded quite annoyed and said 'why not?' in a way that made it sound like I was being unreasonable to deny him sex!!!! I said 'well for starters I'm married!' (though there were obviously MULTIPLE reasons why I would not have sex with some random stranger in a field!!!!) At that point he went on his way!

It was quite intimidating and I can't believe he just thought it was ok to ask this!!

Further along the walk, I went into some woods. I was feeling a bit worried I'd bump into him or he'd come back and rape me (catastophising I know, but anyway..) then I saw two large trowel type tools - which looked like weapons like kind of wide trowel shaped swords, really big with serrated edges, stuck down in a tree trunk'. It completely freaked me out!!

My dogs and I survived the walk !! But so many weird things have happened on that walk in the last few months, with yesterday's two incidents being the worst.

AIBU never to walk the dogs there again?

But I have nowhere else walking distance to walk them!

Also - do a anyone know what these trowel shaped weapons are? I tried to Google 'large trowel shaped weapons serrated edge' but nothing like what I saw came up! Anyone know why they might've been there? (They definitely weren't innocently left by the charitable tree planting types. These were definitely purposely put there and looked like a signal or warning or something. They also looked expensive so I kept looking around as I can't imagine the person who put them there would've been far away as they wouldn't want to loose them or get them nicked)

OP posts:
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INeedAnotherName · 10/03/2025 11:23

Then he sounded quite annoyed and said 'why not?' in a way that made it sound like I was being unreasonable to deny him sex!!!!

So he's getting angry about being denied sex? The next time he might not ask. Contact the police as a matter of urgency.

Stressmode · 10/03/2025 11:24

There was a guy at uni who used to proposition every woman he ever met. He had a surprising amount of success using this strategy. Difference is he did it in a non-aggressive way..

Deathraystare · 10/03/2025 11:25

Ugh! I had a guy ask me about 'business' one early morning at a bus stop. Dopey me thought he meant am I on my way to work. He was down the road before I realised he had asked if I was up for business!!! Another guy was kerb crawling and I just motioned that he should roll on by......

Original poster
SoreHeadAgainnnnn · 10/03/2025 11:25

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Genuine sadly. I spoke to my husband about it but I don't know, we r just both so tired maybe the reality didn't hit or something. He didn't suggest reporting it. Not sure why my instinct hasn't been to report. I just think they won't take it seriously. But I will report it now, I've found the online way to do that so I will just disappear for a bit to report it.

OP posts:
Elderflower14 · 10/03/2025 11:25

For goodness sake... Would you want another woman to go through what you did?? Call the police!!

ExcessiveNumberOfNinjas · 10/03/2025 11:25

I'm actually gobsmacked that you didn't report this immediately. You at least had a dog with you. The next female you walk past might have been a young girl on her own and absolutely terrified. Your dog might have been the difference between him deciding to attack you and deciding it was too much of a risk. The next person might not be that lucky.

Lollylolo · 10/03/2025 11:26

Google 'entrenching tool', it is a military tool for digging/camping/survivalists, many come with sharp edges. They can be easily bought online.

BarneyRonson · 10/03/2025 11:27

There is a culture of “if you ask enough women, eventually one of them will say yes” , I don’t think the girls on the media publicising themselves as human fleshlights are doing womanhood any favours either.

Scorpion84 · 10/03/2025 11:28

A million percent report to police . It could help create a bigger picture as maybe other incidents

a lot of sex offenders start off like this and then move onto exposure and more serious offences

this is why sadly I will only walk my dog alone in busy parks where as my husband will walk alone in the woods by our house but I never would .

Endofyear · 10/03/2025 11:29

Bloody hell that sounds scary OP! I would absolutely report to police immediately. He might be a harmless weirdo but he might not! Best to err on the side of caution and report.

exiledfromcornwall · 10/03/2025 11:29

Report to police. Also, if this is the only place you can walk your dogs are there any other dog walkers you could team up with?

BarneyRonson · 10/03/2025 11:30

She is reporting it right now.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 10/03/2025 11:30

Yanbu girl, keep away and tell the police

That sounds terrifying, stay safe x

Vegemiteandhoneyontoast · 10/03/2025 11:30

I wonder if the tools were Root Slayers? Great for gardening but you wouldn't want to come across one in the woods.

https://www.gardenimports.co.uk/product-category/radius-garden-products/root-slayer/

littleteapot86 · 10/03/2025 11:30

i think some people are being a bit unfair on the OP. Reading this as a random stranger who was not in this position this morning, it's easy for me to think yes absolutely you should report it. However I know if this had happened to me I would have felt a bit embarrassed (although of course rationally I know I shouldn't!) and I likely wouldn't have thought to report it. It would take telling my friend about it for her to say for god's sake you need to report it. 😅

I hope this normalises/validates your immediate response, OP. You sound a bit like me!

27Maisie27 · 10/03/2025 11:33

You should never have engaged with him in the first place, but that's irrelevant now. You sound as if you found it flattering, which is worrying. Whether the tolls are his or not, they sound like dangerous implements, and I would have taken them to the police station, at the same time as reporting the strange behaviour of the cyclist. Stop minimising!!

littleteapot86 · 10/03/2025 11:35

27Maisie27 · 10/03/2025 11:33

You should never have engaged with him in the first place, but that's irrelevant now. You sound as if you found it flattering, which is worrying. Whether the tolls are his or not, they sound like dangerous implements, and I would have taken them to the police station, at the same time as reporting the strange behaviour of the cyclist. Stop minimising!!

she didn't find it flattering, she didn't hear him initially and then her brain struggled to compute what he was asking of her (because of course his question is shocking and completely out of context!!!) Honestly I despair of Mumsnet at times.

MajorCarolDanvers · 10/03/2025 11:36

You are doing the right thing reporting it.

There may be other reports. He could escalate. You just don't know. Definitely doing the right thing.

AdaStewart · 10/03/2025 11:37

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Hemlocked · 10/03/2025 11:37

A lone woman walking in an isolated area is approached by a lone male who harasses her for sex. 100% report.

SpotlessLeopard · 10/03/2025 11:38

I'd absolutely let the police know, and I wouldn't be walking that route again alone for the foreseeable future.

Crazybaby123 · 10/03/2025 11:39

You have to report it and avoid that area for dog walking alone.

SpringIsSpringing25 · 10/03/2025 11:40

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nope to what??

why do you think she's not genuine?

sandyhappypeople · 10/03/2025 11:43

Don't you have a local 'spotted' site you could put it on? as well as report it to the police on the non emergency number.

You could have also tried to take a covert picture.

It's ridiculous that you had decided to do absolutely nothing about it, he could have been off his head on anything and the next person he pesters for sex may not be so lucky.