To not look at this couple in the same way anymore?

[AvrilAprill]

At the end of last year I made friends with a mum who’d just moved to the area. We got on great, as did our partners.

However, I’ve now found out that they first got together when she was 16 and he was 20/21. It genuinely makes me feel uncomfortable knowing that, and my husband says I’m being weird

Yeah, that’s grim.

I agree with your husband. 4 years isn't that much and they are together now so i genuinely dont see why anyone would you have an issue with it. I think there is an issue in your own life clouding your judgement here.

I don't think it's grim but it is a big gap at that young age.

Well she was of legal age , she may have been mature and him a bit more immature.

4 years older, and she was of age. What's your actual issue with it?

It’s not something I like but it is also individual, my niece was just under 17 when she met her husband who was 20, so technically 16 and 20. They were however both at the same life stage, both at college and for a 20 year old he was a quiet nerd type, has never drank and I believe my niece was his first and only partner. They have been together about 15 years.

Meh, I couldn't get fussed.

I know some very mature 16 year olds and some rather immature 20 year olds 🤷‍♀️

I thought it was going to be something horrific! Yeah a bit young but hardly a 25 year age gap.. and what does it matter years on when they are happily married? I agree with your DH.

I met my H at the same age with the same age gap. Married not long after. Together ever since.

It was 100% consensual, I was really mature for my age and I did lie to make myself older. By the time I came clean about it, there was no stopping us being together. Best lie, I ever told.

And yet when she is 20 and him 24, her 30 and him 34 nobody bata an eyelid. They have lasted the pace, and have a solid relationship. This is a massive non issue. Totally legal anyway unless he was her teacher. My ex boyfriend was 21 and me 17 when we got together.

Yes, You're being weird.

Also you don't known anything about the nature of their relationship when they first met. Maybe they spent the first months just talking, maybe she had been shagging a different boy every weekend before she met him, maybe he grounded her. Who knows? I would find it odd if I met someone now that they would start analysing my relationship with Dh especially making presumptions about us and thinking about our sexual relationship. That's the bit I find a bit creepy here if I'm honest.

Awk wise up

My cousin was 15 and her now husband of 30 years was 22. They fell in love and are very happily married. She insists nothing went on before she was 16 and I believe her.

I don’t see the problem. Wouldn’t bother me in the slightest - it’s a 4 year age gap between two consenting people. There’s a 5 year age gap between me and DH.

OP, you are being ridiculous.

It wouldn't bother me at all.
Why are you concerned?

I couldn't get worked up over it.

So, she was 16 and a few months, possibly closer to 17 and he was 20? So looking at 3.5-4years difference? Maybe a bit steep but I dated boys at 17 who were 3 and 4 years older than me. We were all hanging around in similar friendship circles. I also had female/male friends who were older than me. We felt on the same level and a lot of us worked weekend jobs in pubs and cafés together. Anecdotal, but I think that's fine and your friends are still together. Unless you think it's something odd about them and he groomed her.

I'm surprised at the unanimous reactions on here. I know that they were both of legal age, and that many couples in similar situations do stay together long-term; but I personally find it quite concerning.

I know it's just my opinion, and it isn't prescribed by law at all, but I think the age of consent being 16 is probably primarily intended for both parties being 16/17. Somebody who has been an adult for two or three years going after a sexual partner who won't be an adult for another two years is, just in my view, predatory.

Sorry but you are being very weird. 16 is young but maybe he was young for his age.

No issue at all. They were both going. Get a grip.

They could probably do without judgemental "friends" like you.

No guarantee the 20 year old has more sexual experience than the 16 year old though.

And why it would affect the OP anyway I can't understand. The couple seem happy so what's the issue?

My son is almost 21. He'd be disgusted at the thought of dating a 16 year old, so would we at that age.