To not look at this couple in the same way anymore?

[AvrilAprill]

At the end of last year I made friends with a mum who’d just moved to the area. We got on great, as did our partners.

However, I’ve now found out that they first got together when she was 16 and he was 20/21. It genuinely makes me feel uncomfortable knowing that, and my husband says I’m being weird

Can you hear my eyeballs rolling?

Hmmm.

I can imagine a thread such as,

Just found out my 16yo DD is dating a 20yo man. Should I be concerned?

Would go a very different way to this thread ….

There's a couple who are on Channel 5 quite regularly, who have now been married for two decades or more, but who were (iirc) 14 and 18 when they got together.

I have seen it come up time and again on here, where people always opine that it was very dubious on his (the then-18yo's) part - and I agree; but going on the attitudes of most people on this thread, I presume we would just be being horrible and judgmental to even mention it, let alone find it uncomfortable, considering that they are now still together, several children down the line?

My Mum was 14 and my Dad 21 when they met.
Mum was working in a mill .. Dad was in the army ( ww11) and home on leave.
They married when my Mum was 18 and Dad 25.
Stayed together. Had 6 kids ( one lost).
16 and 20 is no big Gap.
If it was 20 and 24 would that be different?

I don't see a problem with that - girls are often more mature at that age and not interested in boys their own age. I had 21/22 year old boyfriends at 16. It's not wierd or creepy. I met my husband when I was 17 and he was 20 which is not much different - still married 34 years later 🤷‍♀️

I think I’m talking to the wrong generation or people that are defensive, because it’s weird for a 20 or 21 year old to be dating a girl in secondary school.

It wasn’t that long ago that online and in news that there were articles about Billie Eilish’s controversial relationship because she was 21 and he was 31 and they’d known each other when she was 15.

Oh my, you are definitely being every bit as weird as your husband suggests. At 16 I was loving life; I'd left home to study, was really enjoying having a part-time job for the first time and was having some very lovely encounters with men who were older than me by about that much, and in a couple of cases, even a bit more.

Oh dear. I was 17 and my husband was 25 when we started dating. He was my first and only boyfriend - a good man and a kind and caring husband for forty years until he died six years ago. We were inseparable almost from the start and didn’t think anything of the age gap - neither did our parents. How times change !!

Yes, times have changed for the better. A 21 year old interested in a 17 year old now would rightfully be looked at with disgust.

Don’t know what the problem is. It’s their private life and choices, who is anyone to judge. At least they stayed together in a committed relationship and have a family. What’s wrong with this?

At 17 I went out with a 26 year old. It was fine, he was respectful and the dynamics were balanced (I was probably more mature!). He was one of the nicest boyfriends I ever had. He was a lovely guy, but had a young outlook. We stayed friends and he didn't change. Nothing weird about it.

Oh FFS

My jaw has dropped further & further reading these replies! Who ARE you people? 'oh but she's legal now', how very The Sun.

A 20yo has no business being with a 16yo whichever way round it is. Christ it's vile! The latter is still in school ffs.

OP - I'd not change my relationship with her/them based on it, though, assuming they are both adults (WHICH 16 WASN'T!!) & their relationship is healthy.

So you have a 15 year old daughters that knows a 23 year old man is interested in her and that’s ok?

Why is a 23 year old man having any kind of relationship with a 15 year old he’s not related to?

Personally I think it’s weird. When I was 20 I viewed 16 year olds as children. My body changed a lot between 16 and 20, and my face started to look like an adult. The fact that they’re still together and this was presumably a while ago makes it ok but if my daughter were 16 I’d be wondering why a 20 year old couldn’t get a woman his own age

OP Is this creepy?
other posters No
OP I must be asking the wrong people.

In all my years of living, I don't think I have ever met a 20 year old 'grown man'. They are all immature idiots with no more sense than 16 year old girls. If we waited until we sensible mature and well matched we would all be virgins pretty much for ever. An arbitrary age has been decided on... it's all fine.

Was she in school though , she may well have been at work and he may have had no idea how old she was originally .

OP is not the problem here!

It's interesting how you NEVER seem to hear about a woman aged 20+ getting together with a 14/15/16yo boy.

I know that, in general, girls tend to be more mature than boys of the same age, but surely there must be some mature/worldly lads of that age out there who would meet immature/inexperienced women who are in their early 20s, wouldn't there?

Thanks, I don’t have an issue with her but him .. I just find it creepy.

And again reading the replies on here are people that are a different generation.

I'm surprised at the responses on here. I would have been very unhappy if my dd had beenin a relationship with a 20yo when she was just 16. She is now 19, and she and most of her friends would take a pretty dim view of a 19 or 20yo dating a 16yo school girl. It isn't that the age differences are too big - 3 or 4 years is nothing - but the life stages are too different.

Having said all that, OP, I don't think I would let it affect a friendship with the couple now.

Well given that you've not said how old these people are, the rest of us can't know it's a generational thing.

That’s gross. I don’t care that you’re happy now

You are the one with the problem.

I think it’s weird.

16 year olds are either in school doing their GCSE’s or have left school within the past year. They can’t drive. They can’t legally purchase alcohol or go in nightclubs. They’ve only been teenagers for 3 years.

A 20 year old could be in the final year of university or working a full time job. They will have more life experience compared to a 16 year old. Actually the more I think about it the more creepy it seems for a 20 year old to be sexually attracted to a 16 year old.

I think age gaps are fine when both people are over 18. But an adult and a school pupil. Absolutely not 🤢🤮

you don't know what generation each poster comes from so you can't really use the 'oh you're just a pack of dinosaurs'.