To not look at this couple in the same way anymore?

[AvrilAprill]

At the end of last year I made friends with a mum who’d just moved to the area. We got on great, as did our partners.

However, I’ve now found out that they first got together when she was 16 and he was 20/21. It genuinely makes me feel uncomfortable knowing that, and my husband says I’m being weird

I would say you'll be doing them a huge favor by avoiding them, given how narrow minded and judgmental you seem.

I thought you would say she was 13/14

15 and 22, that's awful. No normal, healthy thinking adult of 22 dates a 15 year old child.

Yeah! I misunderstood . I thought your own husband had got together with her when they were of those ages and you had an issue about friendship dynamics!

YABU

Why on earth would you allow this to affect your friendship ? It’s only a four year gap and they were both ‘of age’. Your DH is right. It’s weird.

True, but he has had four or five more years of life experience - and is as far (or further) over the point of adulthood as she is under it.

Just because the age of consent is 16, there are plenty of younger children who have had sexual relations, just as there are young-ish adults who haven't; nobody would use the same argument to excuse a 21yo embarrassed virgin from starting a sexual relationship with a 14yo who has already had sex several times.

Of course it doesn't affect OP, but she's entitled to her private opinion - one which I would tend to share.

I met my husband when I was 14 and he was 22. We did not get together at that point but I knew he liked me when I was about 15. We had a few "moments" when I was 16 - 17 (nothing physical) and then I went off to university and finally we got together when I was 23 and he was 31. 24 years and two kids later we are still very happy.

I don’t think it’s grim at all. Perfectly fine IMO.

You're being ridiculous.

I don’t get why this would impact your friendship now. I am with your DP, you are being ridiculous

It depends on their age now. In the 80/90's ID wasn't needed, so life experience at those ages would have been similar, we were drinking in pubs from 14/15. In a lot of girls cases, were they'd been helping their Mum etc run the house/babysit and had learnt about the importance of budgeting, they could actually be a lot more mature than the 20 year old lad. There was an age difference between me and my DH and I know we were judged by some, but I was honestly old enough at 16 (1984) to leave my parents house and set up home. We were different than today.

That’s what I thought. If they knew that you felt uncomfortable OP they probably think you’re an uptight, prude.

I met my husband literally in my 17th birthday, he
Was 22.why is that weird?

Oh dear. I was 17 and my husband was 25 when we started dating. He was my first and only boyfriend - a good man and a kind and caring husband for forty years until he died six years ago. We were inseparable almost from the start and didn’t think anything of the age gap - neither did our parents. How times change !!

Personally, I have far less of an issue with couples where there is a 25-year gap - as cited on here as being unreasonable - when they get together at, say, 40 and 65, than a 4/5-year gap at 16 and 20/21.

I find it quite strange in the former scenario - and I wonder if such people have really thought through what it will mean into old age - but to me, that's two proper, seasoned adults, who well know their own minds.

You’re being unreasonable and it’s got nothing to do with you. What an odd reaction!

Times were different not so long ago. I was 16 when I met my now husband, who was 23. Nobody batted an eyelid back then (22 years ago). I knew what I was doing, the relationship was fully consensual and we have had a very happy marriage. I don’t know why so many women get so invested in other people’s age gap relationships, it’s really strange. Even more so when it’s only a 4 year age gap. Concentrate on your own life instead, maybe?

Your husband is right. I take it we have all moved on now and she is old enough to present that the man 4 years her senior in age is OK for her. My husband is 6 years older than me and we met when I was 20. Obviously, if you wind it back, he would have been 20 when I was 14, which is unacceptable (and illegal) but people do mature at different ages. It is sort of irrelevant, as you have all moved on in age, and it it isn't causing them a bother, so kindly, why should it you ??

4 years is a huge gap when it's 16 and 20. Massive.
50 and 54 for example is nothing but 16 and 20 is uncomfortable. I'd feel the same for a moment im sure but how old are they now?

Yes, you are being weird. I was 15, he was 20. He was 21 when I turned 16, he wanted to wait & he wanted to make sure I was ready (ready?? I was gagging🤣) the boys at school just wanted into my pants, even the 'nice' boys were more interested in having sex than how the girls felt. We were together 10 years and split up for reasons that had nothing to do with our ages.

Yes, of course that's why grown men target 16-year-old girls - because they're a bit immature. The poor, innocent souls... 🤦🏻‍♀️

I think you need to get a grip as well as be reasonable.

Unless you think there was some grooming involved, I wouldn't let this spoil an otherwise good friendship. You're making friends with the people they are now, not the people they were then.

Because from what I've seen on MN over the years, clearly the man must be into girls that age per-se and will still be chasing them at 60. Apparently.

I'm intrigued to know how old these people are now, because 25-30 years ago a lot less people would have questioned a 16 & 20 year old. God knows I had left school and was working full time at 16.

Thats pretty much the same as my late husband and me. We met when I was 14 and he was 17. He stayed around in the friendship gang until I was 17 and we started dating, married when I was 21. We were first and onlies. I don't think its common but its not weird either. It sounds stupid to say we knew from the moment we met, but thats the factual truth.