To not look at this couple in the same way anymore?

[AvrilAprill]

At the end of last year I made friends with a mum who’d just moved to the area. We got on great, as did our partners.

However, I’ve now found out that they first got together when she was 16 and he was 20/21. It genuinely makes me feel uncomfortable knowing that, and my husband says I’m being weird

She was in school.

Also, not knowing someone’s age isn’t a defence.

I’m basing it on replies of people who have stated how long they love been married for.

My jaw has dropped further & further reading these replies! Who ARE you people? 'oh but she's legal now', how very The Sun.

Yes, indeed. Lots of threads where people have been horrified at people waiting eagerly for a girl to turn 16 before she can be photographed showing her boobs in public - like she very well may routinely do anyway on holiday on European beaches - but when it comes to her actually having sex with an adult man, it's just "Oh, she's mature, she might be with him for many years, you're just being an old fuddy duddy".

I’m 38. Not sure what generation you’re in, but I think YABU because it has fuck all to do with you. HTH

That’s so true, could you imagine if I posted in aibu “I’m 21 and just graduated from university and I’ve started dating a boy who’s 16 and in school but he’s soooo mature for his age. My friends think it’s weird, especially when I bring him out with us for a drink and he can only have lemonade as he can’t legally drink and has to have a lift home or his mum picks him up because he’s not old enough to drive. Aibu?”

Having said that, when a man is dating someone young enough to be his daughter, that’s revolting. But none of my business, so…

Isn’t a defence to what ?

Also, not knowing someone’s age isn’t a defence.

Well they don't need a defence, but you are the one talking about it being a different generation viewpoint.

I am not in the least defensive. I think people are trying to show you a different point of view through their experiences

I am shocked at the replies on this thread.

I would not be happy with my 16 yo daughter dating a 20 year old man.

If a man in his 20s (or older) is interested sexually in a 16yo girl, it does make you wonder if he would be disgusted at the idea of a 15yo, or 14, or maybe 13. Where would his cut-off be?

It's a completely different dynamic from two children aged 16/17 who have arrived at that certain stage of development at the same time.

You are being weird!

You don't have to be. That's not the scenario. If you met a couple as in the OP would you feel the need to hand wring over continuing an acquaintance?

God knows I had left school and was working full time at 16

I think that might make a huge difference in people's concepts in today's apparent idea that 18 year olds are still children. I had my first full time job at an insurance company age 15 and worked for them for 15 years. I got myself a bedsit aged 16 and paid rent. I was a happy and fully functioning adult who could and did take care of myself. My parents were present and supportive.
(not financially, they were pretty poor and missed the few quid board I'd paid them) but at 16, in those days, I was an autonomous grown up. I was self sufficient. They brought me up that way. Good on them. It's served me well.

It's not your choice.

So you define by age alone?

I'd be happy if my daughter was with a nice, kind, respectful 20 year old.

I'd be unhappy if she was with a horrible, rude, nasty 15 year old!

I’m surprised they want to be friends with you. No laws have been broken, they are happy together if you don’t like it, that’s your problem.

🙄

My sister got with my BIL when she was 16 and he was 26. My parents left her yo live with him in another country 🙈

Tbf they're still together and happy(ish) but jesus. It's fecking weird and I understand your feelings OP.

Why is a 23 year old man having any kind of relationship with a 15 year old he’s not related to?

Wouldn't it be worse if he was related?

Why on earth is it gross that the person concerned got together with her husband when she was 23 and he was 31, even if she did happen to know him briefly when she was younger? You really are very weird, OP.

@No33 what a powerful argument! 🙄

So you don't find it at all odd when men leer at older schoolgirls, maybe give them a wolf-whistle, stop the car to chat to them, pay them a compliment or two?

Presumably they're just understanding the difference in maturity levels between males and females and so not wasting time pointlessly going after women their own age, when they know they should really be looking for younger girls?

Would it make more sense to keep the age of consent at 16 for males - to protect them in their relative immaturity - but maybe reduce it by two or three years for females, to take account of their earlier maturity and that they can obviously handle it; and that it's apparently not at all strange for immature men in their 20s to be wanting to partner up with them?

Is she still in secondary school? Surely all 16 year olds have left by now, unless they're staying on in the same school for A levels and other qualifications in which case your criticism really doesn't apply.

There's an obvious difference between a 15 and 16 year old, in the shape of the age of consent coming into play.

You are being v weird op

No, they wouldn't.

I am a 🦕 and I understand what you say to some degree.
I think it really depends on the individuals, as someone else said, they may be on the same page maturity wise. They are in a stable relationship so I think it harsh to hold this against them as you’ve said how nice they are.
Times change, and it may not have been a big deal back then.
Don't make her feel awful about it now.