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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He's trying to take my children away

242 replies

Lillabetty · 03/10/2023 23:16

I know this isn't a AIBU post but I'm desperate I need help from people that have been in my position please!!!

I need guidance and I need to be pointed in the right direction please. Is he going to take my children away from me?

I split with my emotionally abusive partner last week,(my therapist opened my eyes up to the abuse) due to tenancy and finances he's still in the family home.

I spent the last 6 years with this man and I don't want to make him instantly homeless so I've given him untill January to move out gives him enough time to save and look for places the plan is he moves out in the next 6-8 weeks, January is just a deadline.

Tonight he handed me a drawn out diagram of the "shared" 50/50 custody and in his eyes im only allowed to see my children for 1 and a half days a week.

I'm main career, their benefit money is in my name every legal paper doctors school etc im down as main career etc also I am main tenant on my home.

Hes adement that he is entitled to stay in the family home and make me homeless

Since I ended it with him he's turnt quite evil he has a way of talking to me in riddles and I get very confused.

Help me! What do I do? Where do I go tomorrow?

OP posts:
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Elle200 · 03/10/2023 23:19

I'd start by throwing him out.

Original poster
Lillabetty · 03/10/2023 23:20

Hes got no where to go, he wouldn't let me live it down

OP posts:
Flickersy · 03/10/2023 23:20

You go to a solicitor. He can threaten whatever he likes, that doesn't mean he'll get it.

Hermittrismegistus · 03/10/2023 23:20

You need to contact women's aid for advice.

Flickersy · 03/10/2023 23:21

Elle200 · 03/10/2023 23:19

I'd start by throwing him out.

Problem is you can't throw someone out of their home assuming their name is on the tenancy.

Ponoka7 · 03/10/2023 23:21

You get legal advice. Whose name is the tenancy in? You need to split. He can't take the children. He's trying to scare you into staying with him.

Original poster
Lillabetty · 03/10/2023 23:21

I cant afford a solicitor he's still currently in charge of the finances

OP posts:
Frozensun · 03/10/2023 23:22

You need a lawyer. Some give a free initial consultation. You can’t do this in your own - it sounds like you are going to be in an adversarial situation with him.

AllAboardTootToot · 03/10/2023 23:22

So fucking what! If he’s abusive, get him the hell out away from you and your kids!

OhNoForever · 03/10/2023 23:23

Is it council? Ring your housing officer and speak to them. You need him out of your house. He is trying to scare you. He doesn't really want to take the kids. It is a common abuser tactic.

Ponoka7 · 03/10/2023 23:23

Lillabetty · 03/10/2023 23:20

Hes got no where to go, he wouldn't let me live it down

So do you care about him more than yourself and your children? He wants to cause you all emotional harm, which is significant harm. So why are you putting him first? This needs a discussion with your therapist asap.

Original poster
Lillabetty · 03/10/2023 23:23

1 main tenant and that's me he's down as a lodger. I have split up with him he's digging his heals in he won't leave

OP posts:
Original poster
Lillabetty · 03/10/2023 23:24

I'm sorry I don't understand what that is he's made me believe I'm incredibly thick

OP posts:
Original poster
Lillabetty · 03/10/2023 23:25

Yes it's council he keeps saying it's no one's house and says he can give them words and they'll take this house away from me he then says he's has every right if not more because he earns more to be in this house

OP posts:
JustKen · 03/10/2023 23:27

If you are on the rent book get the police to remove him. Ask the council/HA to change the locks. And contact your local Citizens Advice.

Original poster
Lillabetty · 03/10/2023 23:27

I haven't been aloud to make a decision for myself without it being picked apart for 5 years I don't know what I'm aloud to do anymore he's made me feel like I'm a small child

OP posts:
Flickersy · 03/10/2023 23:27

Lillabetty · 03/10/2023 23:25

Yes it's council he keeps saying it's no one's house and says he can give them words and they'll take this house away from me he then says he's has every right if not more because he earns more to be in this house

It doesn't matter what he says.

What matters is the legal contact.

Go to a solicitor and take the relevant paperwork regarding your housing contract. You don't have to pay them then and there. Or call Shelter or CAB. And call Women's Aid for advice too.

Wishitsnows · 03/10/2023 23:28

If he’s down as a lodger kick him out. He is abusing you. You do not have to put up with this. Who cares if he tells you you won’t live it down if you kick him out. Even if you let him stay he’ll make up some other shit and lie and say it’s all down to you. Contact womens aid. If he won’t leave contact the police to have him removed. You can do this. You don’t have to live like this. Open another bank account online and have your money put in there. He doesn’t get to control your finances

Hummingbird233 · 03/10/2023 23:28

1.5 days a week? Yeah. Right.

He can dream on. There's no way any court would award you only 1.5days unless there was good reason which there isn't.

He's trying to make you feel anxious and scared. It makes him feel better about the situation and his lack of control over it.

I agree with others, get him out of the house and seek legal advice. You could visit Citizens Advice to see what you're entitled in the way of legal advice, housing, benefits etc. You may find you're better off without him in every way.

OhNoForever · 03/10/2023 23:28

He's lying and manipulating you. He cannot do that.

Speak to the council tomorrow, explain the situation. He has no right to be there if you have asked him to leave.

Wishitsnows · 03/10/2023 23:30

He is lying to you about the house too. They won’t take it away from you but you do have the right to make him leave. Don’t believe a word he says. Womens aid will tell you this and walk you through what you need to do.

Flickersy · 03/10/2023 23:30

OhNoForever · 03/10/2023 23:28

He's lying and manipulating you. He cannot do that.

Speak to the council tomorrow, explain the situation. He has no right to be there if you have asked him to leave.

He may have a right to be there. None of us know as we can't see OPs housing contract. Which is why she needs to consult someone in RL.

Original poster
Lillabetty · 03/10/2023 23:31

I moved into my property in 2013 I declared him in the house in 2022 (he was renting somewhere else) he didn't sign any paperwork that definitely means he's not a main tenant? When I moved in I had to sign lots of paperwork

OP posts:
OhNoForever · 03/10/2023 23:32

If he didn't sign a contract he's not on the tennency. Did you declare him to housing or UC?

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