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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have never met/ said hello to my in laws?

294 replies

AndTheSurveySays · 09/07/2023 23:25

Basically in 15 years of being with DH
I have never met nor appeared on video chat with my family in law (I did actually appear once on video chat and literally said 'hello' to his mother then disappeared. They've also witnessed me trying to pass by without being noticed, walking on my knees).
It hasn't been a problem, when they've asked to see me DH has always made some excuse but lately his siblings keep pestering him to put me on chat or at least share a photo. I've refused so far.

DH is now saying it's time I should just speak to them to stop his siblings from messaging about it so often. I really don't want to. I hate appearing on film and would have no idea what to say. I feel the fact it's gone on so long just makes it seem even weirder to suddenly decide to talk to them.

AIBU?

OP posts:
GodisaBC · 09/07/2023 23:26

Yes you’re being really weird.

OhHeyBabe · 09/07/2023 23:27

I do find this incredibly strange. Is the only reason that you don't like appearing on video chat? There's no other reason? You say DH so what happened when you married?

BranchGold · 09/07/2023 23:28

Do they live abroad? Has your husband visited them? Do you have children? Would you meet them in person rather than on video?

I have so many questions!

HeddaGarbled · 09/07/2023 23:28

Yes, you are the most unreasonable of unreasonable people on unreasonable day in unreasonable land.

Evaka · 09/07/2023 23:29

Omg, image of you going around on your knees to avoid being seen is killer.

cocksstrideintheevening · 09/07/2023 23:29

Yes that's weird, do you live in a different country?

Surelyitscoffeetime · 09/07/2023 23:30

Sorry but that’s really bizarre.

Redglitter · 09/07/2023 23:30

You've been with your husband for 15 YEARS and you've never met or spoken to his family. How on earth is that possible

ChocBananaSmoothie · 09/07/2023 23:32

15 years and you've never said hello to them? I find that strange. It seems natural to introduce yourself and make an effort to be part of your DH's family.

Highlyflavouredgravy · 09/07/2023 23:34

Bullshit

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 09/07/2023 23:34

If this is the basis of a book then it's shit

Reported

NuffSaidSam · 09/07/2023 23:35

I can't wait for the drip feed on this.

I think either the DH or all of his family are in prison and that's why they can never meet.

NuffSaidSam · 09/07/2023 23:36

Or the drip feed will be that they live next door and the OP hasn't left her house for 15 years.

Catlord · 09/07/2023 23:36

What started all this? They live far overseas and 15 years ago there weren't really video calls as standard plus phone cards were expensive so you didn't really chat to them on the phone, if I had to guess. And then what? You have self esteem issues and don't want to be seen on film. Langiage barrier? Have you never been invited to visit, has he visited? I can see how it may have happened but it's time to at least make a small connection. Just get ready so you feel your best and say hello online. Is there anything else putting you off? Are you generally anxious on calls?

Harryyourenogoodalone · 09/07/2023 23:36

Wait what?

Original poster
AndTheSurveySays · 09/07/2023 23:37

To answer some questions - DH is from a small island country far away from the UK and that's where all his family live. He has visited twice since we've been together (poor students when we met, then marriage, then had DD) but regular video chats with them.

I just really don't like being on video and find it difficult to talk to new peope.

OP posts:
YukoandHiro · 09/07/2023 23:38

Why haven't they visited you? Why weren't they invited to the wedding?

Does he know your family?

Do your DC chat to his family online?

It's beyond weird. It's really rude.

Original poster
AndTheSurveySays · 09/07/2023 23:38

Reported

Why? I'm genuinely asking. It's just a situation that has happened is all.

OP posts:
PTSDBarbiegirl · 09/07/2023 23:38

Tedious bollocks.

ChocBananaSmoothie · 09/07/2023 23:38

AndTheSurveySays · 09/07/2023 23:37

To answer some questions - DH is from a small island country far away from the UK and that's where all his family live. He has visited twice since we've been together (poor students when we met, then marriage, then had DD) but regular video chats with them.

I just really don't like being on video and find it difficult to talk to new peope.

I don't like it either but sometimes you've just got to.

TaylorSwiftFan · 09/07/2023 23:40

YukoandHiro · 09/07/2023 23:38

Why haven't they visited you? Why weren't they invited to the wedding?

Does he know your family?

Do your DC chat to his family online?

It's beyond weird. It's really rude.

This

EvilElsa · 09/07/2023 23:41

If you don't like being on camera can you send them a nice card or letter in the post saying hi or emails or something with photos attached of you and DH? I think it would be nice if you could make some kind of connection with your DH family for his sake at least. Doesn't sound like they are unpleasant or pushy.

LaMaG · 09/07/2023 23:44

YABVU. You don't like talking to new people - well get over it. Everyone has to meet their in laws whether they are naturally reclusive or shy or have personal issues or whatever. Most people have to go to weddings and funerals and host dinners with ILs and much more because that's part of being in a relationship. And you won't even say hello how are you to a screen?? I feel bad for your partner

Original poster
AndTheSurveySays · 09/07/2023 23:44

People can report away.

I'm fully prepared to be told I'm unreasonable.

How would people go about actually saying hello to them after so many years? Won't they think be even weirder than they probably already do if I do suddenly start speaking to them?

OP posts:
AuntMarch · 09/07/2023 23:45

I cannot imagine marrying someone who wasn't willing to meet my family.
I hate video calling too, I Skyped my best friend once when he was walking abroad so he could give me a tour of his apartment there and that was it all the way til lockdown. I only video called then because family wanted to see my baby, my face wasn't on screen.

Of course I would do it for the man I loved. You're not unreasonable to say it has been so long it would be awkward, but very unreasonable to have let that happen.

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