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AIBU?

To have never met/ said hello to my in laws?

294 replies

AndTheSurveySays · 09/07/2023 23:25

Basically in 15 years of being with DH
I have never met nor appeared on video chat with my family in law (I did actually appear once on video chat and literally said 'hello' to his mother then disappeared. They've also witnessed me trying to pass by without being noticed, walking on my knees).
It hasn't been a problem, when they've asked to see me DH has always made some excuse but lately his siblings keep pestering him to put me on chat or at least share a photo. I've refused so far.

DH is now saying it's time I should just speak to them to stop his siblings from messaging about it so often. I really don't want to. I hate appearing on film and would have no idea what to say. I feel the fact it's gone on so long just makes it seem even weirder to suddenly decide to talk to them.

AIBU?

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 09/07/2023 23:47

Were they not allowed to see your wedding photos? Or is it a recent photo they want?

UsingChangeofName · 09/07/2023 23:53

YABVVVVU

user1473878824 · 09/07/2023 23:56

AndTheSurveySays · 09/07/2023 23:44

People can report away.


I'm fully prepared to be told I'm unreasonable.

How would people go about actually saying hello to them after so many years? Won't they think be even weirder than they probably already do if I do suddenly start speaking to them?

“Hi! So nice to finally talk to you! Sorry I’ve been so abominably rude for 15 years!” Or say hello, lovely to finally talk to them, here’s DD this is what she’s been up to. How are you? We’d love to visit soon to meet properly”

Redglitter · 09/07/2023 23:58

His family probably think the poor guy is making up having a wife

Sorry OP you're being so incredibly unreasonable & weird about the situation. Your attitude to his family just isn't normal

justcurious4 · 09/07/2023 23:59

So his family have never seen wedding pictures? I get being camera shy and even unable to visit due to cost but the no photos is a bit off. The fact they don't know what you look like properly

MummyofTw0 · 10/07/2023 00:00

Yes. You are being absolutely unreasonable. It's beyond odd. It's rude. It's weird

LordSalem · 10/07/2023 00:01

Literally just say hello. That's how you start. You're the only one here making it into a big issue. You might not like being on camera but you're recorded on camera via cctv anywhere you go in public. This can be viewed by tons of strangers. It's your husband's family. Why be this weird about it?

DoThePropeller · 10/07/2023 00:03

Utterly bizarre. Assume you don’t have an office job, I spend my life on video meetings these days. You get used to it and you need to suck it up.

JeandeServiette · 10/07/2023 00:03

Are you sure this isn't a reverse?

If it's not, it's a bit mad.

Temporaryname158 · 10/07/2023 00:05

you are being so incredibly unreasonable and are now getting defensive when people have unanimously told you so.

just speak to his family! It’s not about you. That’s a selfish and self-centred way of looking at it.

WonderfulUsername · 10/07/2023 00:07

You're being completely disingenuous by asking if this is unreasonable of you.

tarnishedsilvercolour · 10/07/2023 00:08

I'm just here for the deleted message. 😂

backinthebox · 10/07/2023 00:08

Putting it really politely, this is batshit crazy. I can’t work out how you’ve managed to be married for 15 years and at no point think ‘I really should get to know my husband’s family!’ Wtf happens if you need to contact his family in an emergency and have never even spoken to them? I can imagine all manner of sad situations where it would be much easier for everyone if you were able to just speak to them on the phone without it being a weird thing. You’ve made this situation, only you can unmake it.

Unknownunknowns · 10/07/2023 00:09

This is beyond weird!!!

Thebigblueballoon · 10/07/2023 00:09

If this isn’t made up… Wow. I’m surprised his family even bother to ask after you after all this time.

AndTheSurveySays · 10/07/2023 00:09

I never set out to be rude, his family seem like nice people and DD does talk to them via video chat every now and then.

So his family have never seen wedding pictures? I get being camera shy and even unable to visit due to cost but the no photos is a bit off. The fact they don't know what you look like properly

The last time they saw photos of me was over 10 years ago so they do know what I look like.

OP posts:
ThatFraggle · 10/07/2023 00:11

Do you speak on the phone, without video? Text?

Dotcheck · 10/07/2023 00:12

Ah…. Just when I think I should stop going on mumsnet so much. This is absolute gold

Thebigblueballoon · 10/07/2023 00:12

AndTheSurveySays · 10/07/2023 00:09

I never set out to be rude, his family seem like nice people and DD does talk to them via video chat every now and then.

So his family have never seen wedding pictures? I get being camera shy and even unable to visit due to cost but the no photos is a bit off. The fact they don't know what you look like properly

The last time they saw photos of me was over 10 years ago so they do know what I look like.

How do you know they “seem like nice people”? Do you stand there listening in the background?

smilesup · 10/07/2023 00:13

There are 3 options:

  1. You are incredibly rude
  2. You are bullshitting
  3. You are ND and need to look into this. For your DHs sake.
AndTheSurveySays · 10/07/2023 00:15

How do you know they “seem like nice people”? Do you stand there listening in the background?

Because DH talks about his family Confused

OP posts:
BishopRock · 10/07/2023 00:16

tarnishedsilvercolour · 10/07/2023 00:08

I'm just here for the deleted message. 😂

Me too!

AnxiouslyWait · 10/07/2023 00:17

Don’t mention the gap.. just say hi and ask about their day etc

MyDarlingWhatIfYouFly · 10/07/2023 00:17

Do you suffer with anxiety when meeting people generally, OP? This sounds like extreme social phobia.

The first two or three times I met my husbands family I could barely say a word, they probably thought I was boring as hell. I suffer from very bad anxiety in social situations and it takes me a long time to get over that when I meet new people. 15 years is a bit extreme though! Although I can also see that now it's gone on so long it makes it even harder.

Thebigblueballoon · 10/07/2023 00:17

AndTheSurveySays · 10/07/2023 00:15

How do you know they “seem like nice people”? Do you stand there listening in the background?

Because DH talks about his family Confused

OK. Go finish your wine, OP. All the best.

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