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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Made in Chelsea blokes - twins via surrogate

358 replies

HermioneKipper · 25/04/2023 19:39

More “celebs” commissioning a woman’s body to buy a baby.

When is this going to be made illegal 😡

And twins again. So many of them have twins. I think I get a bit triggered by this especially as I have twins and know how dangerous twin pregnancy can be for both mother and babies. And what it does to a woman’s body. No one could consent to this.

Had to switch off Giovanna Fletcher and her simpering podcast when they started talking about “their” miscarriages. Horrific amounts of bleeding, pain and horrendous wrenching emotional pain for you was it mates? No, didn’t think so.

OP posts:
Lennybenny · 25/04/2023 19:43

I get annoyed every time I see same sex couples having twins or just children via surrogates.

It seems to be a celebrity perk to be able to buy your children.

HermioneKipper · 25/04/2023 20:04

I disagree with surrogacy for anyone, same sex couples or straight couples. Or single men or women

OP posts:
britnay · 25/04/2023 20:12

How do you propose two men have a child?
Should they not be able to have children because they are a gay couple?

SummerLovingDays · 25/04/2023 20:13

britnay · 25/04/2023 20:12

How do you propose two men have a child?
Should they not be able to have children because they are a gay couple?

Adopt or foster?

Pinkflipflop85 · 25/04/2023 20:18

britnay · 25/04/2023 20:12

How do you propose two men have a child?
Should they not be able to have children because they are a gay couple?

Adoption.

Bluebells1970 · 25/04/2023 20:18

I can only hope that the UK never goes down the road that the US has with surrogacy. It's deeply upsetting to think of a baby ripped from its mothers' womb and handed to a stranger for money.

HermioneKipper · 25/04/2023 20:20

britnay · 25/04/2023 20:12

How do you propose two men have a child?
Should they not be able to have children because they are a gay couple?

Adoption.

I know two gay couples who’ve adopted as they don’t agree with surrogacy and wanted to adopt children that need a family.

Otherwise, tough shit frankly. That’s the hand that life has dealt you

OP posts:
Hawkins003 · 25/04/2023 20:22

Each to their own really.

MonsterChopz · 25/04/2023 20:23

I'm not a supporter of surrogacy but I do think it's naive to suggest adoption as if it's an obvious alternative. Adoption is not an easy journey to go on and is very, very different to parenting a child via surrogacy

Oddessa · 25/04/2023 20:24

Wow. It really shocks me when I come across such sickening views as yours OP.

You have children and yet you want to deny people that?

  • Their surrogate wasn’t forced into it
  • She could have had an abortion if she didn’t want to carry twins, it’s her body, her choice. Plus she’s legally the parent until she transfer parental rights.

I’m so glad I don’t know anyone like you in real life OP,

gentlemum · 25/04/2023 20:25

HermioneKipper · 25/04/2023 20:04

I disagree with surrogacy for anyone, same sex couples or straight couples. Or single men or women

What about in the scenario of someone going through ivf, having to have a hysterectomy due to cancer, and remaining embryos just sitting there and best friend offers to be a surrogate - you still disagree with surrogacy then?

Anyone considering or going through surrogacy has gone through a difficult journey to get there and you shouldn't be so judgmental as to say you don't agree with surrogacy at all. You don't know people's individual circumstances.

LotionsAndPotions995 · 25/04/2023 20:25

It's unfair to say men aren't able to have biological children just simply because of the fact they are gay!

It's clearly not the same case for lesbians or single mothers who choose to have children without a man, as they can buy/use a sperm donor and impregnate themselves.

Surrogacy at the levels it is used is wrong yes but why deprive gay or single males the fact of having a biological child just because they don't have a womb! Surely what's good for the goose is good for the gander and single or gay females should also "adopt or foster" instead of using a surrogate sperm donor.

Different yes but in theory exactly the same sexist argument.

HermioneKipper · 25/04/2023 20:28

gentlemum · 25/04/2023 20:25

What about in the scenario of someone going through ivf, having to have a hysterectomy due to cancer, and remaining embryos just sitting there and best friend offers to be a surrogate - you still disagree with surrogacy then?

Anyone considering or going through surrogacy has gone through a difficult journey to get there and you shouldn't be so judgmental as to say you don't agree with surrogacy at all. You don't know people's individual circumstances.

What about the baby? Being ripped from its mother at birth? It’s all they know.

Have you heard of the 4th trimester? I was the only person who could calm my babies as they knew me as I knew them.

you don’t take puppies from their mother until 8 weeks!

OP posts:
Onekidnoclue · 25/04/2023 20:28

I’m afraid I’m with you OP. Its a sad but true fact of life that not every couple who wants a child is biologically capable of birthing one. I don’t think that surrogacy should be an option for these people. I’m not saying this means they won’t suffer, anyone dealing with infertility in any guise would, but I just don’t think that this option should be available to those of them who can afford it.

HermioneKipper · 25/04/2023 20:30

Oddessa · 25/04/2023 20:24

Wow. It really shocks me when I come across such sickening views as yours OP.

You have children and yet you want to deny people that?

  • Their surrogate wasn’t forced into it
  • She could have had an abortion if she didn’t want to carry twins, it’s her body, her choice. Plus she’s legally the parent until she transfer parental rights.

I’m so glad I don’t know anyone like you in real life OP,

It’s not consent though.

show me a rich woman choosing to sell her body. You won’t be able to find one.

Also she’s not the legal parent in the US where they’ve done it - on purpose. No celebs do it in the U.K. - they go elsewhere where the mother has even less rights.

im the one with sickening views about protecting women’s bodies and babies? Yeah sure, ok

OP posts:
HermioneKipper · 25/04/2023 20:31

MonsterChopz · 25/04/2023 20:23

I'm not a supporter of surrogacy but I do think it's naive to suggest adoption as if it's an obvious alternative. Adoption is not an easy journey to go on and is very, very different to parenting a child via surrogacy

If they can’t adopt then unfortunately as sad as that is then they shouldn’t have the right to buy a woman’s body and baby.

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 25/04/2023 20:31

Everyone is always concerned about the parents wants and expectations in these situations but very very rarely are there any considerations for the baby born.... so long as the adult paying is happy.

YANBU.

thebellagio · 25/04/2023 20:32

can I ask a question?

people on here hate surrogacy saying it’s because it rips a child from its mother, and everything it’s known for 9 months. Then these same people happily suggest adoption instead.

can I respectfully ask how it’s literally any different? because if it’s a private adoption from birth surely that’s exactly the same situation (think Monica/chandler in friends)

or adoption via social services over here is an entirely different ballpark with significant trauma that needs to be dealt with. As does foster care.

Proudofitbabe · 25/04/2023 20:32

LotionsAndPotions995 · 25/04/2023 20:25

It's unfair to say men aren't able to have biological children just simply because of the fact they are gay!

It's clearly not the same case for lesbians or single mothers who choose to have children without a man, as they can buy/use a sperm donor and impregnate themselves.

Surrogacy at the levels it is used is wrong yes but why deprive gay or single males the fact of having a biological child just because they don't have a womb! Surely what's good for the goose is good for the gander and single or gay females should also "adopt or foster" instead of using a surrogate sperm donor.

Different yes but in theory exactly the same sexist argument.

It is nature depriving men. I think it's worse to actively and deliberately deprive a newborn of a mother.

Shhhquirrel · 25/04/2023 20:34

Oddessa · 25/04/2023 20:24

Wow. It really shocks me when I come across such sickening views as yours OP.

You have children and yet you want to deny people that?

  • Their surrogate wasn’t forced into it
  • She could have had an abortion if she didn’t want to carry twins, it’s her body, her choice. Plus she’s legally the parent until she transfer parental rights.

I’m so glad I don’t know anyone like you in real life OP,

I think ‘renting a womb’ is ‘sickening’.

FooFighter99 · 25/04/2023 20:36

Oddessa · 25/04/2023 20:24

Wow. It really shocks me when I come across such sickening views as yours OP.

You have children and yet you want to deny people that?

  • Their surrogate wasn’t forced into it
  • She could have had an abortion if she didn’t want to carry twins, it’s her body, her choice. Plus she’s legally the parent until she transfer parental rights.

I’m so glad I don’t know anyone like you in real life OP,

This!

As far as I know, no one held a gun to the surrogates head and forced her to be impregnated against her will.

OP, you should climb down off your high horse before you hurt yourself.

Jazsimone · 25/04/2023 20:36

Here we go again ......

Women can do what they like with their bodies.

Gay couples can have children any way they like.

It's not buying a baby.

Twins are common in IVF. So this will occur in surrogacy.

Let's hope your children aren't gay, suffer infertility because otherwise you are going to have a hard pill to swallow

HermioneKipper · 25/04/2023 20:36

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Anamechangeisnotjustforchristmas · 25/04/2023 20:37

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Anamechangeisnotjustforchristmas · 25/04/2023 20:38

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posted too soon. Adopt

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